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Old 01-11-2014, 11:28 AM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Having moved out west from the east coast, it often seems to me that one of the biggest cultural differences is that the East Coast is generally more 'up front' about their feelings ("hey, fugedabout it!"…lol)! While the West Coast, particularly Pacific Coast places like CA, OR and WA State, seem much more "low key" (aka, "passive aggressive", like the infamous "Seattle Freeze").

Aside from the "cultural" aspects, what are some of your own thoughts and experiences re: dealing with passive aggression in general? BTW, one of the things I notice is that it's usually so sneaky and insidious, that it's often hard to tell at first that you're even dealing with it!
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Old 01-11-2014, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma
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You can see passive aggressive behavior is alive and well on message boards. Someone will say the snarkiest thing and then follow it with either a smiley face icon or "lol". I'm originally from the east coast and feel if you have something to say, come out and say it. I think passive aggressive people are cowards who hide behind sneaky ways to express themselves.
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Old 01-11-2014, 11:46 AM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aquietpath View Post
You can see passive aggressive behavior is alive and well on message boards. Someone will say the snarkiest thing and then follow it with either a smiley face icon or "lol". I'm originally from the east coast and feel if you have something to say, come out and say it. I think passive aggressive people are cowards who hide behind sneaky ways to express themselves.
Yeah, while I certainly don't miss the weather back east, I always appreciated that folks were usually up front like that, so it was immediately crystal clear whether they hated your guts, or that they liked 'ya (in which case they'd often give you the shirt off their back)!

The sense I get out here is that there's often some sort of "excuse" or "intellectual justification" for what's usually just the same old-fashioned emotions, like jealousy, resentment, prejudice, whatever that we're all heir to. Except whenever pressed, the excuse here is usually along the lines of some sort of "righteous" excuse (because you behaved wrong!).
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Old 01-11-2014, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA, now.
21,020 posts, read 19,195,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mateo45 View Post
...one of the things I notice is that it's usually so sneaky and insidious,
that it's often hard to tell at first that you're even dealing with it!
You said it right there.

The perps are scared people that need some therapy, imo.
What others think of them is very important....they do not want their
image tarnished as "nice people"
by being openly angry, bossy or even clear...so they do things as revenge...or to
teach someone a lesson. It gets rid of the feeling of helplessness or being a victim.
(Almost can't blame them...if they are, indeed, being used or taken advantage of.)

Good example are bartenders, waitresses, dental hygenists that share a work space.
If the previous one doesn't do the set up....the pass/ag may accidently leave all the salt
shaker lids ajar or hide the gauze or an instrument for the next gal.
Oops....so they look bad for the boss.

Sweet revenge...all of a sudden who's the victim now.See?

That way they still have their shine....and their secret power.
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Old 11-29-2023, 11:49 AM
Status: "A solution in search of a problem" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: New York Area
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This article (link) was just posted in The Economist.
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Old 11-29-2023, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Southern MN
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And let's not forget that a lot of people who think they are being assertive, the healthy option, are actually being aggressive. There are multitudes who don't grasp the concept. In fact, I think it's fairly rare to hear people speaking assertively.

Where feelings are involved it is very easy to misspeak.

A comment about, ("hey, fugedabout it!"…lol)! If it's genuine the issue is closed. If irritation comes back later it was a poorly thought out response without closure.
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Old 11-29-2023, 02:13 PM
 
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I despise passive aggressive behaviour and the minute I recognize it call it out or run a mile.
My sister was the queen of passive aggressive behaviour and when she wanted to punish it was either pouting but not saying what was bothering how, the silent treatment, backhanded compliments and procrastinating despite promising she would do something. Long before cell phones I needed my boarding pass printed out for my trip back to the USA and since I was not allowed or able to access the only computer in the house she said she would do it . I had an hour left before I had to get my taxi and asked her and she threw a fit I was nagging her. Well she huffily put her computer on , and signed as she found the schedule and yea, she had run out of paper and I had to rush to the airport and get my boarding pass at the desk and barely made my flight.

No, we are no longer in communication. She got worse.
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Old 11-30-2023, 06:53 AM
 
Location: Wooster, Ohio
4,013 posts, read 2,936,000 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
And let's not forget that a lot of people who think they are being assertive, the healthy option, are actually being aggressive. There are multitudes who don't grasp the concept. In fact, I think it's fairly rare to hear people speaking assertively.

Where feelings are involved it is very easy to misspeak.

A comment about, ("hey, fugedabout it!"…lol)! If it's genuine the issue is closed. If irritation comes back later it was a poorly thought out response without closure.
My experience with such people is that while they are happy to criticize every aspect of your life, they are quite thin-skinned when it comes to even the mildest criticism of their own lives.
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Old 11-30-2023, 10:45 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,564 posts, read 57,481,475 times
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Interesting article and definitions.
https://preply.com/en/blog/most-pass...ssive-phrases/


Different demonstrated behaviors of PA, (which I find very high in PNW, as does op (2014))

As with all our quirky behaviors... Work on it, overcome with baby steps. Be grateful that others are forgiving! Be careful around your kids... Someday they will become your mirror. Work to achieve a desirable image in your future mirrors.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-l...r/faq-20057901
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Old 11-30-2023, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
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Passive aggressive types subconsciously bring out the anger and violence in others.

They know all too well: Silence can be louder than a scream!
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