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Late last year, I had a friend who received a job offer in Chicago. We were both living in Denver at the time. I was looking for a change as well, and he offered to let me move with him and stay with him for a while until I got a job and got on my feet.
Fast forward 4 months. I now have a great, good paying job and a beautiful apartment in Chicago. I really like the city. But, my friend announced yesterday that he is planning to move back to Denver in 2 weeks, as his old company just opened a new position and offered him a great deal if he is willing to come back.
I haven't been here very long, and I am yet to make many good friends here. I had a great circle of friends in Denver who I miss very much, and now my one good friend from here is about to leave me. I feel like I will lose my support system when he leaves. I have never had problems making friends, but I'm yet to make many here. I know it takes a while. I plan to get involved in some activities to meet people, but I'm sad.
I am just afraid of loneliness. I can't wait until the weather warms up so I can get out and explore the city, but it's always more fun to explore new places with someone else (sigh).
My closest friend suddenly decided to move to a town 200 miles away at the same time I lost my housing in town and was forced to move to an isolated place out in the country. So, I've been experiencing a kind of double whammy. I'm on a small, fixed income so the cost of gas to make the round trip to see my other friends in town is something I can't always afford. I feel like I'm out of sight, out of mind as far as the rest of the world is concerned. I deal with this better on some days, but some days I get super lonely. I'm looking forward to warmer weather and longer days so I can get out and meet some more people. Meanwhile, my current situation sucks. OP, you have my sympathy.
Thank you both for listening. Life is truly a beautiful gift, but sometimes, it's hard when you have to face it alone. I wish you both peace in your journey
I moved away from my best friend and really miss her horribly. I haven't made any good friends in our new location yet. The problem is that I always feel like I call her at bad times where she doesn't have time to chat. I don't want to be annoying so going to give it a rest and let her call when she has time. I really miss talking to her.
Right now I'm going through some really scary medical stuff. I really need someone to talk to but going to just suck it down and keep my mouth shut. Kinda resigned to loneliness at this point.
I moved away from my best friend and really miss her horribly. I haven't made any good friends in our new location yet. The problem is that I always feel like I call her at bad times where she doesn't have time to chat. I don't want to be annoying so going to give it a rest and let her call when she has time. I really miss talking to her.
Right now I'm going through some really scary medical stuff. I really need someone to talk to but going to just suck it down and keep my mouth shut. Kinda resigned to loneliness at this point.
Aw, I'm sorry.... I've been in a similar situation. It sucks to feel like you're bothering someone who you wish would always be able to talk. I hope for the best, especially with the medical stuff. Health is most important. But friends sure are a must in life.
OP- I understand fully. But before you know it you'll have new friends. Not that they could replace your other friends. But to make life more fun.
Well, I hear you, as I basically consciously moved away from people as in "friends" and such. I am a loner, my social life is work and occasional things wife comes up with and family gatherings. By all human standards I am a loner.
But to your Q. You have an issue. It's communication issue. You apparently need a "friend" as a life crutch. Same time, you have hard time finding such persons, and I used plural on purpose. As a result, you are facing a "disastrous" situation, as you have only one friend, and with that person gone, life crumbles.
I finished watching very good seminar yesterday, on communication errors and how to overcome them. Unfortunately, it's in Russian, by Andrey Maximov.
He pointed towards something. He said - have you noticed, how fast kids find friends anywhere they go? You can go with a child to any beach in the world, and by the time you unpacked, he or she is already involved with someone and is part of a group. This is because kids are "blank sheets", tabula rasa. They communicate with others without any preconceptions and establish rapport very fast. Adults, on the contrary, are behind concrete walls of their own reality, impermeable to quick "befriending" someone.
This is where you need to start. As the only way you can change the world around you is by changing yourself first. The rest will follow. There are people right within your grasp, that have good potential of becoming your friend/-s. You simply do not notice them. THAT needs to be changed.
Well, I hear you, as I basically consciously moved away from people as in "friends" and such. I am a loner, my social life is work and occasional things wife comes up with and family gatherings. By all human standards I am a loner.
But to your Q. You have an issue. It's communication issue. You apparently need a "friend" as a life crutch. Same time, you have hard time finding such persons, and I used plural on purpose. As a result, you are facing a "disastrous" situation, as you have only one friend, and with that person gone, life crumbles.
I finished watching very good seminar yesterday, on communication errors and how to overcome them. Unfortunately, it's in Russian, by Andrey Maximov.
He pointed towards something. He said - have you noticed, how fast kids find friends anywhere they go? You can go with a child to any beach in the world, and by the time you unpacked, he or she is already involved with someone and is part of a group. This is because kids are "blank sheets", tabula rasa. They communicate with others without any preconceptions and establish rapport very fast. Adults, on the contrary, are behind concrete walls of their own reality, impermeable to quick "befriending" someone.
This is where you need to start. As the only way you can change the world around you is by changing yourself first. The rest will follow. There are people right within your grasp, that have good potential of becoming your friend/-s. You simply do not notice them. THAT needs to be changed.
I agree with this. You said you have a great job and a great apartment. Don't ride your friends' coat-tails. Create your own new life in your new city...you will still have him as a friend to talk with on the phone and text. Time to move on and make some new ones where you already are.
My friend officially left last week. It has been hard, but I'm managing so far.
I know a lot of people mentioned that it would help to make friends, and believe me, I am trying. I have always considered myself a friendly and approachable person. I talk to people and like socializing. I have found it difficult to make friends here in Chicago so far, though. It's a very different culture from where I came from. People seem set in their social circles. I'm used to coming into the office on a Monday morning and saying "good morning," or "how was your weekend," but that doesn't seem to happen very much here. I'm thinking about joining some meetup groups or something similar to meet people.
Loneliness is not fun.
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