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What's the psychology of people buying gifts, suggesting events, music, etc. that they insist you will like when it's clear it's something they like...not you?
It's hard not to get mildly annoyed and perplexed by it. It's like, "do you not even know me after ___ years?!"
And I'm not talking about merely trying to stretch one's boundaries a bit.
What's the psychology of people buying gifts, suggesting events, music, etc. that they insist you will like when it's clear it's something they like...not you?
It's hard not to get mildly annoyed and perplexed by it. It's like, "do you not even know me after ___ years?!"
And I'm not talking about merely trying to stretch one's boundaries a bit.
Often, these are narcissistic people who are more about them than you. And no, they haven't gotten to know you well enough, because....they're all about them. And they don't bother to stop and try to think about what you'd really like. They're not able to put themselves in your shoes.
It's called egocentrism. Seeing everything from your own point of view, and assuming that everyone else has the same point of view.
If a person is extremely and consistently egocentric, they could be described as Narcissistic, but a person can be egocentric and not necessarily narcissistic.
The classic example of an egocentric person who is not narcissistic, but who is still very caring about others, would be the mother who says to her kid "I feel chilly. Go put on a sweater."
Some very egocentric people can be very generous; they just give you stuff they would like. They might not even consider the idea that it's not something you like. They might do nice favors for you that you don't want or need; it's just things they think they would want or need.
They'll bring you a drink because they were thirsty, and they figure you must be too. The narcissistic person would either get himself a drink and not even think of you, or he'd figure out how to manipulate you into getting him a drink.
Now if the person really is just focused on their own wants and needs, and they are claiming that they thought you'd like these things, when they know very well you don't, then perhaps they might be a bit narcissistic. Like when Homer gave Marge a bowling ball for their anniversary.
The classic example of an egocentric person who is not narcissistic, but who is still very caring about others, would be the mother who says to her kid "I feel chilly. Go put on a sweater."
Some very egocentric people can be very generous; they just give you stuff they would like. They might not even consider the idea that it's not something you like. They might do nice favors for you that you don't want or need; it's just things they think they would want or need.
They'll bring you a drink because they were thirsty, and they figure you must be too. The narcissistic person would either get himself a drink and not even think of you, or he'd figure out how to manipulate you into getting him a drink.
Sometimes that sort of thing (bolded) can be a classic example of narcissism, though. Narcissists typically have poor boundaries between them and those close to them. Meaning that they mistake their thoughts, preferences and desires for those of the people around them. They don't see others as separate people from themselves. So they project themselves onto others, and really believe that their spouse or children have the same preferences, tastes, reactions to events, etc. that they do.
Folks, this is not Q on narcissism vs egotism.
This is Q on Why folks see others through their own reality? As you all know, everyone's reality is different and is created by one's thinking. Ability to see Your reality as is, not through My reality, is a rare gift.
Unfortunately, from here on, it goes through all kinds of personalities, from Master of the Universe that is trying to force everyone else into his own universe perception, to the good wishers that will give away the last thread off their back, least to say - shirt - but simply can't see past THEIR reality. So if they like a particular food, YOU automatically must like it. I'd say, part of it is in "roads in hell are paved with good intentions". I married to one, I know.
Folks, this is not Q on narcissism vs egotism.
This is Q on Why folks see others through their own reality? As you all know, everyone's reality is different and is created by one's thinking. Ability to see Your reality as is, not through My reality, is a rare gift.
Unfortunately, from here on, it goes through all kinds of personalities, from Master of the Universe that is trying to force everyone else into his own universe perception, to the good wishers that will give away the last thread off their back, least to say - shirt - but simply can't see past THEIR reality. So if they like a particular food, YOU automatically must like it. I'd say, part of it is in "roads in hell are paved with good intentions". I married to one, I know.
Whether Ruth and I disagree or not (I actually don't think we do--it's just a matter of degree) our responses were totally appropriate to this discussion. The OP asked "what is the psychology of a person who is like this" and we both pointed out that there are terms that exist that cover this kind of behavior. The OP and other readers can get relevant info from my posts and Ruth's, so no need for your little whistle and flag.
I had this friend who I used to be close to, knew for almost 20 years. She used to rarely drink, then all the sudden she was going to wineries and making all kinds of wino friends. I am a beer person, and basically always have been. She gets me a bottle of wine a few years ago for Christmas. I attempted to drink it, took me like a year (tried to use it in food and pawned it off on a guest once who thought it was great). It was like the writing on the wall - I knew right then and there we were going in different directions. She used to know me well, I thought - but I think she changed and expected the world to be like her now if that makes sense?
Of the last 10 times your friend has asked you to go to a show, 10 of them have been to see hip hop.
Makes no sense.
Yes, but the point is you don't know - we don't know what's in other people's minds. IMO since we don't know, it's just as easy to assume the person's intentions positive rather than negative. Of course, you could actually discuss it with the person, and ask them why.
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