Is there a name/label for the way this person is? (psychologist, sociopath)
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I posted relatively recently about my now-former business partner in non-romantic relationships. Basically she was driving me nuts. Now that I've been out of the business for nearly two weeks and am starting a new job tomorrow, I can't stop trying to put a label on this person's behavior.
She's in her mid-30s. She has never had a "real" job, living off her multiple husbands, her mother, or glomming onto other peoples' business ideas her entire adult life.
She's now on husband number three, and her relationship with him can only be described as dysfunctional at best. She has to take care of him because he's "disabled" and cannot work. She seems a little resentful of this and complains about him all the time. I never saw them being affectionate towards each other; they fought a lot and were just kind of cool to each other the rest of the time. I never once saw them hug, kiss, or touch each other in any way whatsoever. It's almost like they're roommates. However...she also says that her previous business partner suggested that she divorce her husband since he isn't doing her any good and all she does is complain about him...she got very fiery and angry when she told me that story, as in "how DARE he suggest that?" So, there's that.
She makes a point of letting everyone know that she's off dairy and eats only healthy food. She shops only at Whole Foods for her own food and her son's food. She boasts about being healthy all the time, but is on three prescription drugs (two for "mood disorders") and is usually complaining about being sick. But she doesn't make the connection. She does complain about the way other people eat and cites "poor diet" as the reason they're "always sick," even though she herself is a hypochondriac.
Nothing is ever her fault. Ever. She dropped out of college because "my dad died and it was really stressful." Her first two marriages ending were all her husbands' faults. She takes no responsibility for those marriages failing. It's almost NEVER all one person's fault.
She "homeschools" her son but when I was there (5-6 days a week, all day) I never once saw him doing any schoolwork. He spent his entire day playing video games and eating. She claims to be an excellent parent. I never saw her doing any actual parenting aside from fixing this kid's meals for him. He's 14 and can't spread peanut butter on bread without drama.
Drama...everything is drama with her. It doesn't take much to whip her into full drama queen mode and once she gets started, it's best to just let her finish. Otherwise, she'll just direct all of that drama at YOU instead of the person/situation/institution/political party/product she is currently complaining about. If you disagree with her or cross her, get ready for a fight. Or a meltdown.
She has not filed a personal income tax return for 3-4 years now, and blames it on her previous business partner for not giving her 1099s. She figures if the IRS comes a-knockin', she'll just tell them it wasn't her fault and she couldn't file because her business partner didn't give her a 1099. Her words.
Her story changes hour to hour. She'd go from "my family takes top priority" to whining at me if I had to leave early to help MY family with something, telling me firmly that "the business HAS to come first" or "you're leaving me to do EVERYTHING." When she's not flip-flopping, she's exaggerating and stretching the truth as far as she can. It took me a couple of months to see this.
She thinks it's OK for her mother (who is pushing 70 years old) to obtain a mortgage in her name so that she can buy a house for herself, her husband, and her son. In fact, she expects her mother to do this and thinks that parents who won't do the same for their adult children are "terrible parents" because "families have to help each other." The reason her mother would have to get the mortgage in her name is because my former biz partner has a credit score in the 500s, no current verifiable income, and no tax returns for the last several years. So, conventional financing is out! She was surprised by this when I told her.
She thought she did all the work when in fact if I left things up to her, nothing would get done. If I delegated a task to her, she would sit on it for days until I finally gave up and did it myself. She also refused to help me when asked. The only way she would help is if she decided to help. If I asked, she would respond with "do I have to do EVERYTHING?" or "Dude, I'm busy doing THIS." "This" was usually playing on Facebook.
So...what IS this person? Not a sociopath...not a psychopath either, I don't think. Delusional? Entitled? Spoiled? All three? And more?
I just need a name for this. I don't know why, and I don't know why I let it bother me. I should expunge this person from my brain just as we have expunged each other from our respective lives, but it's going to eat at me until I figure out just WHAT she is.
I am not a psychologist (my older brother is one and a professor on top of that) but let me take a stab at this:
Can it be the woman you describe has Borderline Personality Disorder?Certainly being self-centered, feeling needy, manipulative, and entitled are characteristic of this personality type. This is not a trivial neurosis ... ever see the move Fatal Attraction ?????
I am not a psychologist (my older brother is one and a professor on top of that) but let me take a stab at this:
Can it be the woman you describe has Borderline Personality Disorder?Certainly being self-centered, feeling needy, manipulative, and entitled are characteristic of this personality type. This is not a trivial neurosis ... ever see the move Fatal Attraction ?????
Possibly...I'm not sure, though. I read up on the symptoms and stopped at "self-harm/suicidal behavior"; I have seen no evidence of self-harm like cutting and she never mentioned suicide or suicidal thoughts to me. That doesn't mean she doesn't do it or has never done it, simply that I've seen no evidence of it.
She does have very poor impulse control when shopping and I've noticed she is highly susceptible to suggestions when shopping. For example if I said something was good or that she should try it, she would almost always buy it.
I was going to say Borderline Personality Disorder also. I dont think they always need to be self harming. The other behavior patterns you describe certainly sound like it.
I was going to say Borderline Personality Disorder also. I dont think they always need to be self harming. The other behavior patterns you describe certainly sound like it.
At any rate, you are lucky to be rid of her.
Oh...I thought you had to have self-harm/suicidal thoughts or actions to be BPD. OK...well if you exclude that then it's a pretty close description of her behavior.
She is on Wellbutrin at the very least; I don't know what other medication she takes for moods. She refused to tell me which one it was. Not that it was any of my business anyway. Whatever she's taking, it isn't working.
I'm very grateful to have this person out of my life. For sure!
Please understand something. Even the most skilled professionals simply cannot arrive at a meaningful, effective "diagnosis" based solely on the observations/conclusions of a third party -- in this case, you -- nor would they even try to do do.
Not that you aren't doing your best to describe the situation -- I'm sure you are. The simple truth is that the description you provided was already processed through the filters of your own personal experiences, values, goals, preferences, likes, dislikes, etc. In other words, it is more conclusion than observation; it is NOT objective.
As seen through your eyes, this person is a huge pain in the ass-pirations. Again, based solely on what you see through your own eyes, I agree. But PLEASE, don't ask anyone here to diagnose her for you. By the same token, don't take anything said here as 'gospel', because it simply isn't.
Regards as always,
-- Nighteyes (who, as Dr. Phil once said, 'has more degrees than a thermometer.')
Please understand something. Even the most skilled professionals simply cannot arrive at a meaningful, effective "diagnosis" based solely on the observations/conclusions of a third party -- in this case, you -- nor would they even try to do do.
Not that you aren't doing your best to describe the situation -- I'm sure you are. The simple truth is that the description you provided was already processed through the filters of your own personal experiences, values, goals, preferences, likes, dislikes, etc. In other words, it is more conclusion than observation; it is NOT objective.
As seen through your eyes, this person is a huge pain in the ass-pirations. Again, based solely on what you see through your own eyes, I agree. But PLEASE, don't ask anyone here to diagnose her for you. By the same token, don't take anything said here as 'gospel', because it simply isn't.
Regards as always,
-- Nighteyes (who, as Dr. Phil once said, 'has more degrees than a thermometer.')
I realize that, and I realize that this is not a diagnosis per se. I just was seeking a plausible label that I could apply to her personality/behavior so that when people ask me why I left the business, I don't have to launch into a long-winded description of her behavior. I can simply say "Oh, she acts like someone who has X."
I realize that, and I realize that this is not a diagnosis per se. I just was seeking a plausible label...
With all due respect, and in this situation, please explain the difference between a diagnosis and a label. Not so easy, right?
I am not meaning to be difficult here. I just think you should carefully examine what you want, and why. Speaking as one who knows his hat from third base when it comes to job interviewing, you would be far better off to describe the BEHAVIOR rather than simply slapping a LABEL on it. With any interviewer worth his/her salt, the LABEL begs the QUESTION "what do you mean by...", and then you're right back where you didn't want to be in the first place, and you're down a couple of points for your attempt.
With all due respect, and in this situation, please explain the difference between a diagnosis and a label. Not so easy, right?
I am not meaning to be difficult here. I just think you should carefully examine what you want, and why. Speaking as one who knows his hat from third base when it comes to job interviewing, you would be far better off to describe the BEHAVIOR rather than simply slapping a LABEL on it. With any interviewer worth his/her salt, the LABEL begs the QUESTION "what do you mean by...", and then you're right back where you didn't want to be in the first place.
Regards,
-- Nighteyes
I think you're making too much of this. I'm not trying to describe this person to an INTERVIEWER, for god's sake. I already have a new job, and they did not even ask me why I left the business.
Seriously; you are reading too much into this, taking it too seriously, and yes...being a little bit difficult.
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