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Lily, I hope someone can guide your friend into treatment. Men are so stubborn about receiving treatment.
My brother has PTSD from the Vietnam War. He managed to get a Ph.D. and hold a job through retirement, but was self-medicating with alcohol the whole time. Now he is on dialysis due to kidney failure. He never really dealt with the PTSD, although he did a little counselling. He is now on a pension from the VA because he was exposed to agent orange in Nam. He could have received it so much earlier...and received many other benefits from the VA. He said a lot of vets (including himself) hold so much anger toward the U.S. Gov't and the VA that they don't want anything to do with them.
Also, the paperwork to receive these benefits is incredible, and a lot of men are not patient enough to fill it out. Then there is a long wait to hear back. Patience!
Walked down the same road.
Can only speak as a Nam Vet. It took a long time to decide to risk taking another chance with the government. PTSD does leave one quite paranoid and distrusting of even the people that can help. the anger it self becomes a disability.
To the OP, thank you for taking the time to be concerned and get involved. In this increasingly narcissistic, "it's all about me," "I want to do what I want to do, matter how it affects others" society, many people would just ignore the situation.
...He said a lot of vets (including himself) hold so much anger toward the U.S. Gov't and the VA that they don't want anything to do with them...
Those Vietnam vets have VERY good reasons to feel as they do!
The U.S. government has relatively recently declassified many government documents relating to the Vietnam war. All I can say is it is "shocking" and "disgusting" what those in power did. So terrible I will not repeat it here and advise people I discuss these things with to not mention it to Vietnam vets nor their families. Some things are best left secret if you ask me.
But good for anyone not emotionally involved with the Vietnam war to read all about what was done (not done). Following are a couple of books...
[Air Force History and Museums Program books...]
To Hanoi and Back: The U.S.A.F. and North Vietnam 1966-1973 by Wayne Thompson
Gradual Failure: The Air War over North Vietnam, 1965-1966 by Jacob Van Staaveren
Well, good luck. I do hope he gets professional treatment. You are correct in that's what he really needs. I thought maybe other vets might have better results getting him to accept help.
War sucks.
I just had another talk with my best friend, and he said that I should leave the situation alone. I don't know his roommate that well, I cannot be too overly involved because he might get very offended.
The sad truth is that my best friend is perhaps right. For us concerned friends who are not families or professionals, there is no way of knowing how to help. Witnessing him wasting away is painful to me. I don't even know how to get involved.
The only thing I can do for them is occasionally call them and ask, "How are you feeling today? Is there anything I can do." The usual answer I get back is always, "Good, I feel fine." It is like these war fighting warriors don't even want to talk about how they feel. My best friend told me that he wants to talk to me about civilian stuff, he will talk to his combat brothers about war. This is the boundary he wishes I will never cross.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissSoBelle
Lily, I hope someone can guide your friend into treatment. Men are so stubborn about receiving treatment.
My brother has PTSD from the Vietnam War. He managed to get a Ph.D. and hold a job through retirement, but was self-medicating with alcohol the whole time. Now he is on dialysis due to kidney failure. He never really dealt with the PTSD, although he did a little counselling. He is now on a pension from the VA because he was exposed to agent orange in Nam. He could have received it so much earlier...and received many other benefits from the VA. He said a lot of vets (including himself) hold so much anger toward the U.S. Gov't and the VA that they don't want anything to do with them.
Also, the paperwork to receive these benefits is incredible, and a lot of men are not patient enough to fill it out. Then there is a long wait to hear back. Patience!
What has been really bothering me is that the true "support our troops" crowd are always people like us - those have family and friends who are veterans or are currently serving. I pretty much grew up with the Marines, they are like family. But to other people, they can care less about these veterans. They figured they get paid already, they have benefits.
Every single one of my Marine friend is combat vet. Every single one of them. These people are in their late 20 to early 30. (many of them are even younger than that).
One elderly lady told my friend's mom that, "Oh, your son is set for life, government is taking care of him." My friend's mom got really offended, she knew her son will never be the same again. For a 20 something year old young man to deal with PTSD for the rest of his life is a every mother's nightmare.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodrow LI
Walked down the same road.
Can only speak as a Nam Vet. It took a long time to decide to risk taking another chance with the government. PTSD does leave one quite paranoid and distrusting of even the people that can help. the anger it self becomes a disability.
Yes, anger is definitely a big par of it. My friend told me that "How can you trust these people when every single psychologist tells you something different."
Quote:
Originally Posted by viverlibre
To the OP, thank you for taking the time to be concerned and get involved. In this increasingly narcissistic, "it's all about me," "I want to do what I want to do, matter how it affects others" society, many people would just ignore the situation.
I wish there is something more I can do. I pretty much grew up with these people. I do wonder though, if I don't have personal relationship with these friends, will I get involved? Nowadays, people would rather talk about taking a magic pill to remove all the wrinkles on their faces, people are even willing to pay money to learn how to talk to a woman in order to get laid. How many people really care about these veterans.
I am not a saint, I care because I know them. I wonder how do we get more people involved?
I am currently doing research about how to be a volunteer at VA hospital, and I am determined to help these people. I will do my best to show them that I at least care. They have me to rely on.
In the last sentence i was basicly saying that you friend is self medicating(drinking) because of the PTSD and thats not working all that great from what your saying? Now imagine getting therapy and dealing with the events that caused the PTSD being sober etc? That can be very overwelming.
Well what do you have in mind lily, what is it you would like to see in terms of getting him help?
Therapy for PTSD doesn't have to involve reliving and discussing the events. EMDR doesn't involve that, and removes the emotional charge attached to the events, so that people are at peace with their memories after treatment. If more vets were aware of this treatment and how easy it is, they might be more willing to do it.
Therapy for PTSD doesn't have to involve reliving and discussing the events. EMDR doesn't involve that, and removes the emotional charge attached to the events, so that people are at peace with their memories after treatment. If more vets were aware of this treatment and how easy it is, they might be more willing to do it.
Lil, you know a little about my experience with PTSD, I think. The guy I was seeing had it something awful - hell, I think he had it before he even went into the military and got shot. He has no preconceptions about the stigma associated with mental health issues, but the idea of being vulnerable is TERRIFYING to him. And therapy requires vulnerability. On our first date, when he mentioned getting shot, I asked him where (as in what country), and he froze up because he thought I wanted to have an extended discussion about what happened. I had to talk him down with assurances that I just wanted to know where he had been at the time and not go into any crazy detail.
He drinks and does pot to take the edge off his constant anxiety, and has a lot of control freak tendencies. As long as he "gets by," he's not going to go to therapy of any kind, because in his head, he's making do. In reality, he's falling apart in a long, slow slide. And the vicious fear/depression cycle just continues.
I don't think there's anything you can do except listen and be present. If he asks, encourage him to seek therapy, but I wouldn't nag him about it, as that will just isolate him more.
Lil, you know a little about my experience with PTSD, I think. The guy I was seeing had it something awful - hell, I think he had it before he even went into the military and got shot. He has no preconceptions about the stigma associated with mental health issues, but the idea of being vulnerable is TERRIFYING to him. And therapy requires vulnerability. On our first date, when he mentioned getting shot, I asked him where (as in what country), and he froze up because he thought I wanted to have an extended discussion about what happened. I had to talk him down with assurances that I just wanted to know where he had been at the time and not go into any crazy detail.
He drinks and does pot to take the edge off his constant anxiety, and has a lot of control freak tendencies. As long as he "gets by," he's not going to go to therapy of any kind, because in his head, he's making do. In reality, he's falling apart in a long, slow slide. And the vicious fear/depression cycle just continues.
I don't think there's anything you can do except listen and be present. If he asks, encourage him to seek therapy, but I wouldn't nag him about it, as that will just isolate him more.
Jrz, what a great post, as always, I appreciate the honesty in every single one of your post. I thank you for that.
Yes, you are right, I don't want to isolate him more and to be honest with you, I don't want to be the reason for him to lose his child or benefit. His child is the only thing keeping him going at this moment.
I will however purchase those three books and perhaps leave these books on his table. Heck, I will just tell him that I have PTSD and those are my books, maybe he will learn to open up more.
Jrz, what a great post, as always, I appreciate the honesty in every single one of your post. I thank you for that.
Yes, you are right, I don't want to isolate him more and to be honest with you, I don't want to be the reason for him to lose his child or benefit. His child is the only thing keeping him going at this moment.
I will however purchase those three books and perhaps leave these books on his table. Heck, I will just tell him that I have PTSD and those are my books, maybe he will learn to open up more.
Thank you friend. Hope you are doing well.
I think you may have confused me with someone else - I never recommended any books, and I don't have it myself. This guy I was seeing was my primary close-up experience with PTSD, though I've had brushes with it before in other friends and family. Just nothing on the scale that this guy was exhibiting it. I honestly don't know how he got through the day.
But I think the book idea sounds like a good one. And maybe if he does ask for advice, you play up the kid's welfare. It helps if dad's not a ticking time bomb.
I think you may have confused me with someone else - I never recommended any books, and I don't have it myself. This guy I was seeing was my primary close-up experience with PTSD, though I've had brushes with it before in other friends and family. Just nothing on the scale that this guy was exhibiting it. I honestly don't know how he got through the day.
But I think the book idea sounds like a good one. And maybe if he does ask for advice, you play up the kid's welfare. It helps if dad's not a ticking time bomb.
yes, I was talking about you I always enjoyed reading your posts,
I was talking about the book idea that I had (on page one of this thread) I am going to follow through. I really liked your post and your idea. (wouldn't nag him about it, as that will just isolate him more) =)
haha
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I think you may have confused me with someone else - I never recommended any books, and I don't have it myself. This guy I was seeing was my primary close-up experience with PTSD, though I've had brushes with it before in other friends and family. Just nothing on the scale that this guy was exhibiting it. I honestly don't know how he got through the day. 
