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Inner-city kids need a special kind of teacher who can connect with them. It would help a lot if I could learn to be gregarious and outgoing. As it stands, people I try to interact with think that I'm not interested or annoyed, for some reason. I don't come off as a very nice or interesting person. I would like to change that.
A counselor can set up "group therapy" sessions with you and other people sitting in a circle and interacting.
Then you can say or try to do something (try to interact), then get feedback from the other people in the group as to what they think you were doing. Then the counselor might suggest you try something different - then get feedback from the other people in the group about that!
How does something like that sound?
Also you don't necessarily have to go to a counselor for that (unless that would be the easiest for you), perhaps you could get some friends or psychology students to help you and sit for an hour with you suggesting things / giving feedback. Is there a psychology teacher at one of the schools you teach at? Might try asking. Everybody would learn something from that!
I shouldn't still be worried about being "popular" or "well liked," but I work as a substitute teacher, and I really think personality goes a long way towards connecting with the kids. I'm more or less socially withdrawn, extremely shy, or introverted. I don't enjoy social contact much, because I feel like I'm awkward with it. I'm the kind of person who likes to do things "right." I don't like to try something new if I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I feel like this cautiousness may be hurting my job performance, though.
Did you not know all of your personality traits when you were choosing a career?????????
That's silly. No one knows who she really is until she gains life experience.
Life experience starts when you are born. It happens as you grow up,through elementary, middle and high school. It's not something waiting for you as an adult. You had life experiences with how others treated you growing up. What did you learn from that? Life experience also means learning to know what your interests are as well as what your abilities are. I have an interest in music but can't carry a tune in a bucket, no ability, so I knew I would never be a musician. Have you ever taken a career interest survey or talked to a career counselor? Have you ever heard of the Holland Codes for categorizing careers? After a quick google search,I found this for you to try, Holland Code (RIASEC) Test. It links at the end to ONET, one of the best places to explore careers.
Sorry, got off on a tangent. I'm really replying to your statement. You have a misperception of what "life experiences" means. Now, go find a therapist to talk about it with you.
These are all basically asking the same thing. You've gotten a lot of advice which in essence says stop worrying about being cool, popular, or impressive. When you gain confidence, you'll be seen as cooler, more popular and more impressive. You can only gain confidence through experience, practice, learning, and accomplishment. Jumping ahead to impressive, cool, or popular is not going to be possible.
You also seem to have a number of threads about your difficulties with teaching specifically. I did not read them all (there were a lot!) but the few I glanced at were also covering the same issue: your lack of confidence and your desire for one magic answer for gaining confidence.
I usually don't look at all of a person's threads, but since your last three were nearly identical, I poked into your other "started threads." I'm sorry if that feels intrusive, but any poster can do that with any other poster, AND I genuinely felt concern for you as you seem to be spinning in circles.
It seems like you're going through a difficult period in your life, but keep in mind, this period is temporary. Take a deep breath, stop splashing and thrashing around in the water, and just float for a little bit. You won't drown.
In looking at your threads as a whole, it seems that:
1. You are in a period of life that's a transition period for most of us: finishing up your education, being unsure about your career, not finding the right position yet, and second guessing your career choice. We've ALL been there. It does pass.
2. You probably need to stop asking "how can I appear more confident?" and "how can I be impressive?" and focus on pursuing actual accomplishments. Set goals, work toward them, and feel good about each one you set. Set small goals that are in-between baby steps to the big goals. Make the goals realistic. You will gain confidence (along with "coolness" and "impressiveness") with each one your achieve. You might need to separate your personal goals and your career goals, and set intermediate goals in both of those areas. You seem to be only looking at the ultimate goals (being successful) and you're not seeing all the little steps it will take to get there. I am a big checklist person; that's how I set my intermediate goals. I get to where I feel GREAT every time I check something off the list as accomplished. I mean it's a HIGH. Those little goals are leading me to a big goal, but that big goal might seem so far away that's it's discouraging. But if I focus on the small goals, I gain confidence and satisfaction with each one, and each one gets me closer to that big goal.
3. You need to really examine what career path you want to take. If it's teaching, great, but what part of teaching? Public school in front of a full classroom of kids? Small private school that might attend to kids' individual needs? Private tutoring/educational enhancement programs? Adult education? Test prep tutoring? What led you to teaching? There must have been some things you LOVED about the idea of it; you didn't just pick a major by throwing a dart at a board. If it's not teaching, figure out what it is, when you're still young. You have a good education behind you, so if your path is not teaching, that's fine, but how can you use that background in a new field? You seem to be flip-flopping around from teaching to fashion design, to writing books, to stand-up comedy, to private tutoring. You aren't going to figure out who you are overnight, but now is the time to at least start narrowing and focusing your goals. A background in education is generalizable to a number of other fields.
4. Because you're feeling so "lost" you are reaching out to total strangers online who don't know you, or you background, or your strengths & challenges, and asking them for magical answers to fix your life. But none of us, including me, are going to be the ones with the answers. We might be totally full of crap, with our own issues. Talk to the people who care about you, those who have supervised and mentored you, and please get some help professionally. No I am not saying you are crazy or anything like that. But your lack of confidence seems to be crippling you right now, and if you ever had communication skills problems, they are only going to be worse while you are so lacking in confidence. A good therapist can help you in a relatively short period of time to build up your confidence (not through empty things, but by building upon real accomplishments and hard work) and even a mediocre therapist can teach you more effective communication skills.
5. You seem to be grasping for a diagnosis (like Asperger's) for you issues, but a diagnosis is not going to matter. You will still need to learn and practice effective communication skills, and whether you have Asperger's or not, you can learn those skills.
Anyway, it's a Friday and I had a little time to spare, so I wanted to post all this for you. Good luck.
Oh gee, I've never been popular, I was never one of the cool kids in school, nor have I ever been socially popular as an adult and in my 60 years on the planet I've learned not to care in the least about it. From where I am now being popular looks like a lot of work pleasing people and catering to their opinions and fitting in, and I just have no interest at all in that. From what I've seen of most people in the last 60 years dogs are better people than most humans.
If I'm popular with a good dog that's enough for me
These are all basically asking the same thing. You've gotten a lot of advice which in essence says stop worrying about being cool, popular, or impressive. When you gain confidence, you'll be seen as cooler, more popular and more impressive. You can only gain confidence through experience, practice, learning, and accomplishment. Jumping ahead to impressive, cool, or popular is not going to be possible.
You also seem to have a number of threads about your difficulties with teaching specifically. I did not read them all (there were a lot!) but the few I glanced at were also covering the same issue: your lack of confidence and your desire for one magic answer for gaining confidence.
I usually don't look at all of a person's threads, but since your last three were nearly identical, I poked into your other "started threads." I'm sorry if that feels intrusive, but any poster can do that with any other poster, AND I genuinely felt concern for you as you seem to be spinning in circles.
It seems like you're going through a difficult period in your life, but keep in mind, this period is temporary. Take a deep breath, stop splashing and thrashing around in the water, and just float for a little bit. You won't drown.
In looking at your threads as a whole, it seems that:
1. You are in a period of life that's a transition period for most of us: finishing up your education, being unsure about your career, not finding the right position yet, and second guessing your career choice. We've ALL been there. It does pass.
2. You probably need to stop asking "how can I appear more confident?" and "how can I be impressive?" and focus on pursuing actual accomplishments. Set goals, work toward them, and feel good about each one you set. Set small goals that are in-between baby steps to the big goals. Make the goals realistic. You will gain confidence (along with "coolness" and "impressiveness") with each one your achieve. You might need to separate your personal goals and your career goals, and set intermediate goals in both of those areas. You seem to be only looking at the ultimate goals (being successful) and you're not seeing all the little steps it will take to get there. I am a big checklist person; that's how I set my intermediate goals. I get to where I feel GREAT every time I check something off the list as accomplished. I mean it's a HIGH. Those little goals are leading me to a big goal, but that big goal might seem so far away that's it's discouraging. But if I focus on the small goals, I gain confidence and satisfaction with each one, and each one gets me closer to that big goal.
3. You need to really examine what career path you want to take. If it's teaching, great, but what part of teaching? Public school in front of a full classroom of kids? Small private school that might attend to kids' individual needs? Private tutoring/educational enhancement programs? Adult education? Test prep tutoring? What led you to teaching? There must have been some things you LOVED about the idea of it; you didn't just pick a major by throwing a dart at a board. If it's not teaching, figure out what it is, when you're still young. You have a good education behind you, so if your path is not teaching, that's fine, but how can you use that background in a new field? You seem to be flip-flopping around from teaching to fashion design, to writing books, to stand-up comedy, to private tutoring. You aren't going to figure out who you are overnight, but now is the time to at least start narrowing and focusing your goals. A background in education is generalizable to a number of other fields.
4. Because you're feeling so "lost" you are reaching out to total strangers online who don't know you, or you background, or your strengths & challenges, and asking them for magical answers to fix your life. But none of us, including me, are going to be the ones with the answers. We might be totally full of crap, with our own issues. Talk to the people who care about you, those who have supervised and mentored you, and please get some help professionally. No I am not saying you are crazy or anything like that. But your lack of confidence seems to be crippling you right now, and if you ever had communication skills problems, they are only going to be worse while you are so lacking in confidence. A good therapist can help you in a relatively short period of time to build up your confidence (not through empty things, but by building upon real accomplishments and hard work) and even a mediocre therapist can teach you more effective communication skills.
5. You seem to be grasping for a diagnosis (like Asperger's) for you issues, but a diagnosis is not going to matter. You will still need to learn and practice effective communication skills, and whether you have Asperger's or not, you can learn those skills.
Anyway, it's a Friday and I had a little time to spare, so I wanted to post all this for you. Good luck.
Thanks. I guess I post partially because I want a fresh perspective and lack the confidence to talk this over with another human being face-to-face. I'm just afraid of becoming old news or "that crazy girl." I feel like by posting online I can feel safe, still seem human, and get fresh introspective answers. I don't think I knew I was generally posting the same question, though. Yes, I'm at that age where I feel like I should have more to show for my efforts, so I'm looking for where I went wrong. I'm also obsessed with something, but perhaps I'm not sure what it is; I thought it was charisma. Whatever it is, I want it reflected in my life. I feel like typically, though, I make too many mistakes to be taken seriously and would really just shame myself if I tried to adopt a new persona. Plus, you are right. Why am I worried about this to begin with? The answer may be because I feel like I need social and emotional support, and I'm too cautious to admit this and look for it in real life.
Thanks. I guess I post partially because I want a fresh perspective and lack the confidence to talk this over with another human being face-to-face. I'm just afraid of becoming old news or "that crazy girl." I feel like by posting online I can feel safe, still seem human, and get fresh introspective answers. I don't think I knew I was generally posting the same question, though. Yes, I'm at that age where I feel like I should have more to show for my efforts, so I'm looking for where I went wrong. I'm also obsessed with something, but perhaps I'm not sure what it is; I thought it was charisma. Whatever it is, I want it reflected in my life. I feel like typically, though, I make too many mistakes to be taken seriously and would really just shame myself if I tried to adopt a new persona. Plus, you are right. Why am I worried about this to begin with? The answer may be because I feel like I need social and emotional support, and I'm too cautious to admit this and look for it in real life.
Right there you are displaying a high level of capability! I'm thinking you have what you desire for yourself if you can just tap into it and I believe you can. All the best to you.
These are all basically asking the same thing. You've gotten a lot of advice which in essence says stop worrying about being cool, popular, or impressive. When you gain confidence, you'll be seen as cooler, more popular and more impressive. You can only gain confidence through experience, practice, learning, and accomplishment. Jumping ahead to impressive, cool, or popular is not going to be possible.
You also seem to have a number of threads about your difficulties with teaching specifically. I did not read them all (there were a lot!) but the few I glanced at were also covering the same issue: your lack of confidence and your desire for one magic answer for gaining confidence.
I usually don't look at all of a person's threads, but since your last three were nearly identical, I poked into your other "started threads." I'm sorry if that feels intrusive, but any poster can do that with any other poster, AND I genuinely felt concern for you as you seem to be spinning in circles.
It seems like you're going through a difficult period in your life, but keep in mind, this period is temporary. Take a deep breath, stop splashing and thrashing around in the water, and just float for a little bit. You won't drown.
In looking at your threads as a whole, it seems that:
1. You are in a period of life that's a transition period for most of us: finishing up your education, being unsure about your career, not finding the right position yet, and second guessing your career choice. We've ALL been there. It does pass.
2. You probably need to stop asking "how can I appear more confident?" and "how can I be impressive?" and focus on pursuing actual accomplishments. Set goals, work toward them, and feel good about each one you set. Set small goals that are in-between baby steps to the big goals. Make the goals realistic. You will gain confidence (along with "coolness" and "impressiveness") with each one your achieve. You might need to separate your personal goals and your career goals, and set intermediate goals in both of those areas. You seem to be only looking at the ultimate goals (being successful) and you're not seeing all the little steps it will take to get there. I am a big checklist person; that's how I set my intermediate goals. I get to where I feel GREAT every time I check something off the list as accomplished. I mean it's a HIGH. Those little goals are leading me to a big goal, but that big goal might seem so far away that's it's discouraging. But if I focus on the small goals, I gain confidence and satisfaction with each one, and each one gets me closer to that big goal.
3. You need to really examine what career path you want to take. If it's teaching, great, but what part of teaching? Public school in front of a full classroom of kids? Small private school that might attend to kids' individual needs? Private tutoring/educational enhancement programs? Adult education? Test prep tutoring? What led you to teaching? There must have been some things you LOVED about the idea of it; you didn't just pick a major by throwing a dart at a board. If it's not teaching, figure out what it is, when you're still young. You have a good education behind you, so if your path is not teaching, that's fine, but how can you use that background in a new field? You seem to be flip-flopping around from teaching to fashion design, to writing books, to stand-up comedy, to private tutoring. You aren't going to figure out who you are overnight, but now is the time to at least start narrowing and focusing your goals. A background in education is generalizable to a number of other fields.
4. Because you're feeling so "lost" you are reaching out to total strangers online who don't know you, or you background, or your strengths & challenges, and asking them for magical answers to fix your life. But none of us, including me, are going to be the ones with the answers. We might be totally full of crap, with our own issues. Talk to the people who care about you, those who have supervised and mentored you, and please get some help professionally. No I am not saying you are crazy or anything like that. But your lack of confidence seems to be crippling you right now, and if you ever had communication skills problems, they are only going to be worse while you are so lacking in confidence. A good therapist can help you in a relatively short period of time to build up your confidence (not through empty things, but by building upon real accomplishments and hard work) and even a mediocre therapist can teach you more effective communication skills.
5. You seem to be grasping for a diagnosis (like Asperger's) for you issues, but a diagnosis is not going to matter. You will still need to learn and practice effective communication skills, and whether you have Asperger's or not, you can learn those skills.
Anyway, it's a Friday and I had a little time to spare, so I wanted to post all this for you. Good luck.
TracySam, great post. I totally agree with you about confidence coming from accomplishment. I also noticed the same thing you mentioned about the OP posting the same questions on many threads.
OP, you are definitely posting essentially the same question over and over again. Also, when you are getting advice, are you actually taking any of it? In the time you've been posting on CityData, have you done one of the things suggested to you that you stated was a useful idea? What's the point of posting in all these threads if the only action you end up taking is to just post more threads on the same issues and never taking real steps to change things? Getting advice is a great first step but the second step is to put something in motion out there in the real world. Otherwise, expect to be at CityData in 5-10 years asking the exact same questions still. And if you have taken some action already, that's great, keep it up.
I agree with TracySam that a therapist or other professional would help. I disagree that getting a diagnosis would not be helpful. Getting a diagnosis doesn't end with the diagnosis. Once a person understands a condition they have, they have a lot more insight into themselves, their strengths and weaknesses, the way the condition manifests itself, and they can begin to address the problems in ways that are effective for people with that condition and to get help from people who specialize in that condition if necessary. There are condition-specific approaches available for a variety of conditions for a reason. People with certain conditions can't always just apply what works for the average person, they need treatment aimed at their unique circumstance and way of being, thinking, etc. People don't get diagnoses just to have a label. Diagnosis is the first step in managing a condition, whether than be physical, cognitive, psychological etc. Diagnosis leads to proper understanding and treatment and that is the whole point. Good luck to you.
I don't want to be misunderstood. I am not one of those people who is "anti-diagnosis." I just meant that for this OP, the diagnosis itself would be secondary to really learning about herself and learning the skills she needs to acquire.
I am actually a mental health professional and I have to deal with "anti-labeling" people on a regular basis. In most cases, assigning an accurate diagnosis helps the professionals conceptualize the case more effectively and plan the most appropriate interventions, plus it helps the client to have a name for what they experience. However, with this OP, she seems to be very focused on an Asperger's label (see her other threads) and since she has this idea of a "magic answer" that will solve all her problems, I feared that she was putting too much faith in the label itself. whether she gets diagnosed with Asperger's, Avoidant Personality, Social Anxiety Disorder, or even Generalized Anxiety, she will need to focus on learning and practicing the same types of skills. Her therapist should tailor the interventions to the individual and not just her diagnosis.
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