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We all know that it's tragic when a young person dies, but what about an older person? I'm talking someone who is 85 or 90 years old. If it's your loved one, you will definitely miss them and be sad about the loss, but is it really so tragic?
I might sound really insensitive right now, but it kind of baffles when people mourn the loss of their very old parents for months and months. Death is a part of life and it's not tragic at all when a 90-year-old dies. That person lived a long life and got to experience many things. It's nothing like losing someone very young. An old person's funeral should be like a celebration of their life. Does anyone understand what I'm saying?
So it's not tragic to you. Personal sorrow is, well, personal. You cannot define what is or is not a tragedy for someone else. If you don't have a great deal of empathy for others, you will not be able to join them in their sorrow,. That's fine. But to stand on the sidelines and rate how they are feeling versus how you think they should be feeling is actually kind of mean.
I understand what you are saying, but I do not agree with your viewpoint. The loss of a loved one hits hard no matter how long or short a person's life. And if the person was wonderful and touched many lives in a positive way over the years, it is difficult for friends and family to see that rich life end. There isn't a sliding scale of, "Oh no, she was 30 so I'll be this sad, but on the other hand, he was 92 so no biggie."
We all know that it's tragic when a young person dies, but what about an older person? I'm talking someone who is 85 or 90 years old. If it's your loved one, you will definitely miss them and be sad about the loss, but is it really so tragic?
I might sound really insensitive right now, but it kind of baffles when people mourn the loss of their very old parents for months and months. Death is a part of life and it's not tragic at all when a 90-year-old dies. That person lived a long life and got to experience many things. It's nothing like losing someone very young. An old person's funeral should be like a celebration of their life. Does anyone understand what I'm saying?
Well - what they hay, eh? One less old person in the world - NBD.
You are baffled when someone mourns the loss of their loved one?
Death and tragedy are two different things. Mourning the loss of someone who has been in your life for 20-30-40 -50 years is actually quite normal.
I just lost my 92 year old father; funny, wise, still able to go and do; a wonderful grandfather to my son.
I know he was old and all but I managed to squeeze out a tear or two anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Yes that is insensitive. Mourning is mourning. They were loved and will be missed. Those close to the person have lost something.
We all know that it's tragic when a young person dies, but what about an older person? I'm talking someone who is 85 or 90 years old. If it's your loved one, you will definitely miss them and be sad about the loss, but is it really so tragic?
I might sound really insensitive right now, but it kind of baffles when people mourn the loss of their very old parents for months and months. Death is a part of life and it's not tragic at all when a 90-year-old dies. That person lived a long life and got to experience many things. It's nothing like losing someone very young. An old person's funeral should be like a celebration of their life. Does anyone understand what I'm saying?
I wouldn't call it tragic, but there's no age you reach where you suddenly feel as if you're ready to lose your parents, no matter how old they get (providing you had a normal, healthy relationship--not talking about toxic or abusive parents). They are the first people you ever knew and loved, and you never get to a point where you say, "Hey, those people--I just don't love them that much anymore because they're OLD."
I've noticed attitudes like yours before from people who lost their parents young. My ex's father was a drunk who abused his wife and kids, and mercifully for them, IMO, dropped dead of a heart attack at 49. My ex was 14. A friend of mine had a alkie father who was out drinking and got mugged and whacked over the head and died a year later from a blood clot on the brain as a result. She was 13.
Both of them said obnoxious and stupid things when my father died at 78 and my friend's husband's father died at 84. The remarks were to the effect that we shouldn't be sad because we had our fathers for so long, so why were we mourning? Meanwhile, both of them still mourned their fathers DECADES later, creating these weird nice-guy dead-father fantasies, imagining them as genuinely good people who drank because they "knew" they would die young or something. It was bizarre, because by all accounts from those who knew my ex's father when he lived, he was one of the nastiest human beings ever to walk the planet. And my friend whose father died when she was 13 also told stories about how she and her siblings would hide in the closet when they heard Daddy coming home because they were so afraid of him. So...why weren't they HAPPY when these horrible fathers died young?
My father died fifteen years ago, and I still miss him. I don't run around sobbing, and the heaviest sadness has passed, but I loved him, he was a good man who took care of his family and taught us a lot about how to live a good life, and there are times when I wish I could just sit down at the dinner table with him one more time and have a conversation.
My mom is 85. I visit her every couple of weeks and we play Scrabble and get Chinese food. Last time she beat me two games out of three. If I heard today that my mom had died, I'd be in mourning, not saying, "oh gee, well she was so old anyway."
And my mom's last remaining uncle isn't doing too well, I hear. She'll be sad to lose him, too. He's the last of her mother's siblings.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 06-07-2014 at 11:37 AM..
I totally understand where you're coming from kgordeeva. The clinical side of me says it's just a part of life. I've seen many of my elderly patients suffer in their final weeks and it's a relief when the pain is over. However, there is the emotional human side that feels bad when a particular patient that you've grown fond of leaves. I was teaching one of my favorite patients family members how to take care of him on the ventilator at home one week and he dies the next week. Was I bothered by it? Sure. Will I get over it? Of course. This isn't the first time I've felt bad about losing a patient and I'm sure it won't be the last. Age has nothing to do with it. Just basic human emotions.
Not really. Most old people are cranky, feeble minded, and physically decrepit. They are a shadow of themselves in their younger days. Also, they are no longer productive and don't contribute anything to society. That is why the Eskimos float their old people out on ice sheets as the family waves bye.
You could have just said, "I've never actually personally known any elderly people".
I do remember that movie with the Eskimos and them taking Granny out on the sled ride and leaving her on the ice. Then you see the polar bear coming up in the background.
I understand that your job has colored your perception of aging. However, once you turn 60, I seriously doubt---assuming that you are in good physical and mental health---that you would be saying to yourself, "I'm 60. Time to die"
If you read through the responses to this thread, you will notice that others talked about elderly relatives who were beyond 70 years old who were still sharp-witted and still able to get around.
Yes, ROFL over that one. I'll be 56 this year. Guess in four years I should just pack it in, eh?
As soon as we are born, we know that death is in our future. We just don't know when that will be. I really don't think death is tragic at any age. It is part of life. We always feel grief for our friends or loved ones that pass away. It's not tragic though, I believe that they are going to a much better place and I'll be there one day. Who would want to live forever?
In India, the families park their old people in waiting rooms at the funeral pyres which continuously burn.
The old people sit there and wait to die.
When they do, they get loaded on the pyre and burnt to the value of whatever wood their family has paid for.
Then, even if half burnt, they are hoisted off and thrown into the Ganges.
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