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First of all doing cool things is the first step to being cool. So go out and do some things, like sky diving, race car driving, south beach in winter, hamptons in summer, Aspen Sking so you have something cool to talk about
You are implying cool people must be "seen" doing things in extravagant places that would be perceived as "cool". Can the OP afford such 007 playboy luxuries?
Cool people don't think about what they are doing. They usually just do whatever they do. Because of the nonchalant indifference they exhibit people want to know what they are about and that can be seen as cool.
A lot of people might think you to be cool because you ride your bike or running on a regular basis. Exercising to keep fit is definitely cool; especially if your physique shows it. I can tell you from personal experience that losing weight is a sure conversation starter. Women notice it and bring it up.
What is your physique? Maybe changing that will do something for you.
Um, thanks for the advice. I think a few of you are confused about my actual question. Let me rephrase it. I'm a pretty "cool" person, or at least potentially so, from my perspective, but I feel like I don't or can't express it around people I don't know. It may have a little to do with my level of confidence. I've started to notice my pattern of thinking is negative if things seem out of place. For example, if I say something that's unintentionally funny and someone surprises me by laughing, that might encourage me to stop talking or maybe even leave the room, depending on the situation. Someone else, on the other hand, might just laugh it off and try to explain. I seem to automatically have this mindset that people are out to get me, though, so it would be unusual for the thought to even occur to me. Plus, sometimes I'm not thinking of the right words, and I feel like what I say may be misinterpreted.
Um, thanks for the advice. I think a few of you are confused about my actual question. Let me rephrase it. I'm a pretty "cool" person, or at least potentially so, from my perspective, but I feel like I don't or can't express it around people I don't know. It may have a little to do with my level of confidence. I've started to notice my pattern of thinking is negative if things seem out of place. For example, if I say something that's unintentionally funny and someone surprises me by laughing, that might encourage me to stop talking or maybe even leave the room, depending on the situation. Someone else, on the other hand, might just laugh it off and try to explain. I seem to automatically have this mindset that people are out to get me, though, so it would be unusual for the thought to even occur to me. Plus, sometimes I'm not thinking of the right words, and I feel like what I say may be misinterpreted.
It has been said here to keep your mouth shut and appear the fool rather than to open it and remove any doubt. Only speak when you have clear and relevant knowledge of a topic.
Do approach and introduce yourself to women. Starting a meaningful conversation with them is learned but you can do it.
You are insecure. No problems with that, just get out and talk to people. I had the luxury of growing up without the internet and learned the art of conversation.
Um, thanks for the advice. I think a few of you are confused about my actual question. Let me rephrase it. I'm a pretty "cool" person, or at least potentially so, from my perspective, but I feel like I don't or can't express it around people I don't know. It may have a little to do with my level of confidence. I've started to notice my pattern of thinking is negative if things seem out of place. For example, if I say something that's unintentionally funny and someone surprises me by laughing, that might encourage me to stop talking or maybe even leave the room, depending on the situation. Someone else, on the other hand, might just laugh it off and try to explain. I seem to automatically have this mindset that people are out to get me, though, so it would be unusual for the thought to even occur to me. Plus, sometimes I'm not thinking of the right words, and I feel like what I say may be misinterpreted.
You sound very insecure...hence striving to be "cool"!
You're on the verge or paranoid according to what you just wrote.
Um, thanks for the advice. I think a few of you are confused about my actual question. Let me rephrase it. I'm a pretty "cool" person, or at least potentially so, from my perspective, but I feel like I don't or can't express it around people I don't know. It may have a little to do with my level of confidence. I've started to notice my pattern of thinking is negative if things seem out of place. For example, if I say something that's unintentionally funny and someone surprises me by laughing, that might encourage me to stop talking or maybe even leave the room, depending on the situation. Someone else, on the other hand, might just laugh it off and try to explain. I seem to automatically have this mindset that people are out to get me, though, so it would be unusual for the thought to even occur to me. Plus, sometimes I'm not thinking of the right words, and I feel like what I say may be misinterpreted.
One good way to "get over" your fear of talking to people is to strike up conversations with "everyone" when you are out and about. Start with the cashier at the grocery store or pharmacy or coffee shop. Then move on to the people in line. This gets you more comfortable with strangers. You never know, it might even have a side benefit. I made a friend this way!
The topics can be very innocuous: local news, the menu, the weather, the world cup...
First and foremost, you need to learn to accept who you are. You haven't done that yet. I would suggest working with a good psychologist for a while. You can't fake being cool. Yes, you can dress cool, but you are who you are. After some psychotherapy to get beyond those negative experiences you had in the past, you may find that you are more relaxed, sociable, and likable. I wish you the best.
miss is right....be content with yourself, and others,,, then it is easy
if you dig in the layers and levels..
fear is the big anchor, fear of being judged, ridiculed, or failure....its easier and less risky to be a shrinking violet than a dancing flower
if you can laugh at yourself,,then you wont care if others do....read this ten times..
age might have something to do with this.....when younger- late teens early 20's, it seems avoiding being embarrassed was quite important.
(I wouldn't dance unless I had a few drinks, while my buddy would be the first on the dance floor,looking like a fool, but it didn't bother him)
I would think if that was me, id look like a damn fool,,,,but I was harshly judging myself, and caring wayyy too much how I looked to others
as the old saying goes "look thru your own eyes, not in the reflection of others)
Um, thanks for the advice. I think a few of you are confused about my actual question. Let me rephrase it. I'm a pretty "cool" person, or at least potentially so, from my perspective, but I feel like I don't or can't express it around people I don't know. It may have a little to do with my level of confidence. I've started to notice my pattern of thinking is negative if things seem out of place. For example, if I say something that's unintentionally funny and someone surprises me by laughing, that might encourage me to stop talking or maybe even leave the room, depending on the situation. Someone else, on the other hand, might just laugh it off and try to explain. I seem to automatically have this mindset that people are out to get me, though, so it would be unusual for the thought to even occur to me. Plus, sometimes I'm not thinking of the right words, and I feel like what I say may be misinterpreted.
So the problem is one of communication and interaction, as well as the resulting effects on your confidence, it sounds like? What did you think of the Toastmasters idea? Did you look to see if you have one in your area?
If you know you have issues with a pattern of negative thinking and having feelings of persecution on top of having trouble with communication and social interaction, what do you think of getting professional input from a therapist?
you can't change your personality, its will be the same from birth till you old
you get this from a fortune cookie??
I disagree
people change everyday-and when they do, yes, their personality changes
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