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I want charisma, and I can't stop thinking about it. I wish I had the kind of personality that made people want to listen to me and follow my ideas. I wish I could establish myself as a competent leader who can apply positive social pressure where needed to help turn people to my cause. Most of all, I wish I could do something that would make those kids stop, pay attention, and honor me for my knowledge and understanding. How do people who have a powerful presence and good rapport with people do it?
Most of my memories of receiving attention are in the form of something shameful or negative, usually not true. I was an easy target when I was in school, and to this day I wonder how people actually see me. I wish I knew how to control the impression I give as well as teach others to make a good impression.
You have to go against what everyone else is thinking and what they want. Be willing to lose all your friends and stick to your guns about an issue.
Such an issue currently is teenagers texting on their cell phones while driving. That is now the LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH of teenagers!
So if you were to "come out against this", you probably would be called all sorts of names, etc. But if you stick to your guns, people will respect you and eventually do as you say (don't use your cell phone at all while driving, it can wait!)
A follower would also text on their phone while driving "because that is what everyone else is doing"!
OP, I've read a number of your threads in recent months, and you seem to ask the same thing over and over. It seems like you are overly concerned about being perceived as "cool," "impressive," or "charismatic" by students, and that you are really uncomfortable with being a teacher.
People who truly are cool, impressive or charismatic aren't that way because they set out to be cool, impressive, or charismatic. They just pursued something important to them, got very informed, got experienced, and gained confidence in the process. The result was that others perceived them as cool, impressive, or charismatic. You seem to be going about it backwards, IMO.
Do you love being a teacher? How does that show? Do you do something every day to learn and improve? Is there some other career path that motivates you more? Or, if you are only lukewarm on teaching, is there something else in your life you are "white-hot" about? Maybe pour your effort and learning into that.
Confidence comes from learning, experience, and accomplishment, not from trying to be confident.
There are actually schools you can go to. I don't know what they're called now, but there used to be Dale Carnegie courses for men and "charm schools" for girls, and the people I've known who availed themselves of them often turned out to have a great deal more confidence in themselves.
Yeah I think it boils down to doing something you love.
The problem in the OP's case sounds two-fold. 1. Not doing something he/she is interested in. 2. Trying to conform to some sort of a societal norm that says you have to be this assertive entity.
You don't have to lead or have some sort of charismatic attitude. You don't need to be cool, and you definitely don't need the approval of kids/teenagers.
Usually true leaders don't even realize they are leading. You watch a playground full of children and one of them is being followed by a group of kids doing the same exact thing this kid is doing. If you stopped and asked him to realize this he would most likely not be aware of it.
Cool is similar, people gravitate towards something, but the person that started it does not carry the same perception.
I spend days, weeks, months, and years in relative isolation. My job is one of the few places I get to interact with the world outside, but some of the treatment I receive makes me hate the job. I struggle with things that come naturally to others. I can't take authority or appear strong. I can't talk coherently to the students; there's no connection. They don't understand what I say and only notice the way I say it. I fight the same fruitless battle in and out of the classroom.
At this point I have to wonder if it's me, and if so, what other parts of my life does it affect? I want to meet and learn about everyone in the neighborhood. I want to hold parties and discuss business plans, but an odd fear prevents me from making any kind of move. I feel like there is a strong chance of being rejected. I'm almost afraid of people. I've had very few positive encounters with new people. I'm rude without meaning to be. I feel like getting to know me is just an opportunity to hurt me. I know I felt this way when I was a child, because I was ostracized, bullied, and treated like dirt most of the time. I was afraid to sign up for extracurricular activities, because I was the "weird one." People who know me describe me as an odd person. I'm easy to misunderstand.
My friends have suggested to me that I study them to see how they react in certain situations. It's really not easy, though. Plus, if I have to copy someone to appear "normal'" why not try to emulate the really popular and fun people? I don't know. I've gotten mixed messages. I've been told that one can learn charisma, but I wish I knew where or how. I desire to be understood without effort, like the others.
So far as interacting with other people, what you say to them, and what you wish to achieve... I would suggest seeing if you can find a psychologist and through that person, set up "group therapy" and/or "psychodrama".
With that you/they can set up situations such as occur in your life and you can "practice" saying different things to the other people in the group, then get feedback from them as well as the psychologist. It is "school" for learning how to deal with people!
Practice makes perfect!
Also if you live in a safe neighborhood (judged by crime statistics, NOT by what you see on TV!), go for walks and say Hi to people - chat with them a bit.
The more you interact with other people, the quicker you will begin saying the right things.
I spend days, weeks, months, and years in relative isolation. My job is one of the few places I get to interact with the world outside, but some of the treatment I receive makes me hate the job. I struggle with things that come naturally to others. I can't take authority or appear strong. I can't talk coherently to the students; there's no connection. They don't understand what I say and only notice the way I say it. I fight the same fruitless battle in and out of the classroom.
At this point I have to wonder if it's me, and if so, what other parts of my life does it affect? I want to meet and learn about everyone in the neighborhood. I want to hold parties and discuss business plans, but an odd fear prevents me from making any kind of move. I feel like there is a strong chance of being rejected. I'm almost afraid of people. I've had very few positive encounters with new people. I'm rude without meaning to be. I feel like getting to know me is just an opportunity to hurt me. I know I felt this way when I was a child, because I was ostracized, bullied, and treated like dirt most of the time. I was afraid to sign up for extracurricular activities, because I was the "weird one." People who know me describe me as an odd person. I'm easy to misunderstand.
My friends have suggested to me that I study them to see how they react in certain situations. It's really not easy, though. Plus, if I have to copy someone to appear "normal'" why not try to emulate the really popular and fun people? I don't know. I've gotten mixed messages. I've been told that one can learn charisma, but I wish I knew where or how. I desire to be understood without effort, like the others.
Have you ever considered having a friend tape you, or even just set up the phone to video you or record you speaking to the next class? I think it would make it much easier for you and your trusted friends/advisers to see what the students see and how you can correct it.
I have to say though, I don't think this was the best profession for an introvert or someone who lacks social ease. There is nothing wrong with being a hermit but you have to realize that no matter what your read that tells you how to communicate the way you want to, it is going to require getting out of your comfort zone. You are getting very little practice interacting with others on a regular basis and then are thrust onto the "stage" of the classroom and wonder why you fail. I still think Toastmasters would be great for you even if it's a burden to get to it or pay for it.
P.S. I also strongly suggest therapy. It does not mean anything is wrong with you. A therapist helped me tremendously at a time when I was floundering. Most colleges have counseling services.
The more you obsess about being cool, the further away from it you get. Stop caring about what people think and be true to yourself.
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