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What kind of high school votes for "ugliest student"?!! That is incredibly degrading.
It wasn't a formal vote by the school, just my classmates. We were a small school so everyone knew everyone else since Kindergarten and you sort of got labeled and stuck with where your peers put you. Yes, it was incredibly degrading. I pretty much spent my teenage years wishing I was dead but afraid to kill myself because of the religious beliefs I had been raised with.
I'd forgotten all about that "election" until a few years ago when I learned that the man who had been the boy who named me ugliest and lead the pack to make fun of me throughout high school dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of 50. He had no wife or kids, and I have no idea what he had been doing in his adult years, but that 14-year-old kid inside me gave a little cheer before I was able to squelch her, hehehe.
Bizarrely, I ended up with a daughter who is above-average in looks (seriously, people who know me see pictures of her and gasp, "that's YOUR daughter?" before they think about what they are saying), but I raised her not to treat others who weren't as lucky they way I was treated. You can destroy a kid by that sort of mockery, and too many parents don't teach their kids not to be cruel or to stick up for the ones who are picked on and mocked.
I never became magically attractive, but I did find out that there was life after high school and that the labels you get slapped with back then don't matter forever. When I hear of kids who are hurting at that age, I just want to tell them to hang on--this stage is only temporary.
It wasn't a formal vote by the school, just my classmates. We were a small school so everyone knew everyone else since Kindergarten and you sort of got labeled and stuck with where your peers put you. Yes, it was incredibly degrading. I pretty much spent my teenage years wishing I was dead but afraid to kill myself because of the religious beliefs I had been raised with.
I'd forgotten all about that "election" until a few years ago when I learned that the man who had been the boy who named me ugliest and lead the pack to make fun of me throughout high school dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of 50. He had no wife or kids, and I have no idea what he had been doing in his adult years, but that 14-year-old kid inside me gave a little cheer before I was able to squelch her, hehehe.
Bizarrely, I ended up with a daughter who is above-average in looks (seriously, people who know me see pictures of her and gasp, "that's YOUR daughter?" before they think about what they are saying), but I raised her not to treat others who weren't as lucky they way I was treated. You can destroy a kid by that sort of mockery, and too many parents don't teach their kids not to be cruel or to stick up for the ones who are picked on and mocked.
I never became magically attractive, but I did find out that there was life after high school and that the labels you get slapped with back then don't matter forever. When I hear of kids who are hurting at that age, I just want to tell them to hang on--this stage is only temporary.
Well it's good to know you made it through-and likely ended up better than a lot of those who mocked you (including that one guy). And it's great that you're reminding your daughter to not be judgmental as well. That's something a lot of parents forget to do (or just ignore on purpose).
This whole thread is still a little strange for me because of how it relates to me and yet is different from my case. I'm still a high school student (entering senior year) and I'm stuck somewhere in between the partying alpha kids, the standard nice kids, and the quieter and nerdier but nicer and likeable kids. I'm not 100% sure where I stand.
Thing is, I go to an all boys school, so the girls and dating dynamic is totally removed from school life. This means that everyone is less into acting like a douchey alpha and is generally nicer and more mature. Random bullying, as far as I know, ended Sophomore year in our class. There are one or two kids who are still sometimes victimized, but these kids are infamous for lashing out first at others and being rude, obnoxious, and narcissistic (and guess what? They're best friends!), so it's more of a two way exchange I guess. Anyway, "popular" kids, barring some exceptions, are great guys who work hard and are talented and thus have earned their recognition. Even the rowdy alphas are overall nice guys.
And this setup makes me feel weird. I'm not in the "in crowd," though I'm mostly friends with people who are. I'll admit I'm kind of jealous of them and their status, as it is a little frustrating to be just another face among hundreds because I don't have any standout ability (I'm not spectacularly smart, funny, or athletic). I know that most of these guys will succeed, as they're setting up themselves for success. I can just tell they will do well.
And I don't know how I feel about that. I personally know that, though my high school days have been mediocre, I have just a bright future as any of the "popular" kids. A fresh start at college is all I need to kick start everything. But even if I do live a great life, I can't help but feel jealous knowing that most of my peers will be able to live a great future while also having had a great high school experience that I missed out on. It makes me feel like their life would be more complete than mine would be. I know I should be happy for them when that happens, but there's an undercurrent of jealousy stopping me.
I have totally mixed feelings about high school. It's always trumped up as "the best years of your life," or "the prime of your youth," and the most influential and fun time of growing up. But I just haven't had fun, and everyone else has, and it bothers me. Am I missing out on something? Am I doing something wrong? I just don't get it.
Last edited by OuttaTheLouBurbs; 06-28-2014 at 09:22 PM..
Well it's good to know you made it through-and likely ended up better than a lot of those who mocked you (including that one guy). And it's great that you're reminding your daughter to not be judgmental as well. That's something a lot of parents forget to do (or just ignore on purpose).
This whole thread is still a little strange for me because of how it relates to me and yet is different from my case. I'm still a high school student (entering senior year) and I'm stuck somewhere in between the partying alpha kids, the standard nice kids, and the quieter and nerdier but nicer and likeable kids. I'm not 100% sure where I stand.
Thing is, I go to an all boys school, so the girls and dating dynamic is totally removed from school life. This means that everyone is less into acting like a douchey alpha and is generally nicer and more mature. Random bullying, as far as I know, ended Sophomore year in our class. There are one or two kids who are still sometimes victimized, but these kids are infamous for lashing out first at others and being rude, obnoxious, and narcissistic (and guess what? They're best friends!), so it's more of a two way exchange I guess. Anyway, "popular" kids, barring some exceptions, are great guys who work hard and are talented and thus have earned their recognition. Even the rowdy alphas are overall nice guys.
And this setup makes me feel weird. I'm not in the "in crowd," though I'm mostly friends with people who are. I'll admit I'm kind of jealous of them and their status, as it is a little frustrating to be just another face among hundreds because I don't have any standout ability (I'm not spectacularly smart, funny, or athletic). I know that most of these guys will succeed, as they're setting up themselves for success. I can just tell they will do well.
And I don't know how I feel about that. I personally know that, though my high school days have been mediocre, I have just a bright future as any of the "popular" kids. A fresh start at college is all I need to kick start everything. But even if I do live a great life, I can't help but feel jealous knowing that most of my peers will be able to live a great future while also having had a great high school experience that I missed out on. It makes me feel like their life would be more complete than mine would be. I know I should be happy for them when that happens, but there's an undercurrent of jealousy stopping me.
I have totally mixed feelings about high school. It's always trumped up as "the best years of your life," or "the prime of your youth," and the most influential and fun time of growing up. But I just haven't had fun, and everyone else has, and it bothers me. Am I missing out on something? Am I doing something wrong? I just don't get it.
I feel a little sorry for those whose best years were high school. There's so much more to life.
I think you'll be fine. You aren't alone in how you feel, though it might seem that way.
There was a guy I went to HS with, very popular, good looking ect. About 5 yrs post graduation, I ran into him. He was a janitor at a high end department store.
What about those in the middle, are we destined for mediocrity?
Anecdotally, a large chunk of the 'popular' kids from my high school weren't the brightest and it was pretty obvious that their stock was the highest when it didn't really matter.
Last edited by emcee squared; 07-03-2014 at 08:18 PM..
Life is a constant popularity contest. The actors might change but the game is still the same. Someone is always at the top, someone is always at the bottom. Bullying doesn't stop in school. It continues in the corporate world since your bosses can control your paycheck.
if popular people are gonna act stupid to be popular, then they are actually going to be stupid in the future. and if smart kids actually show that they are smart in high school, they will have a really bright future ahead of them.
Life is a constant popularity contest. The actors might change but the game is still the same. Someone is always at the top, someone is always at the bottom. Bullying doesn't stop in school. It continues in the corporate world since your bosses can control your paycheck.
My daughter was complaining about how she thought the people in college and then at her job would be more mature and not play all the stupid games high school kids played. I laughed and told her, "high school never ends". I've worked for 35 years in a politically-influenced business, and while the subjects are different, the high-school dynamics are still there.
I have totally mixed feelings about high school. It's always trumped up as "the best years of your life," or "the prime of your youth," and the most influential and fun time of growing up. But I just haven't had fun, and everyone else has, and it bothers me. Am I missing out on something? Am I doing something wrong? I just don't get it.
They still have all boys schools?
I've never heard of HS as "the best years of your life". I've only heard of college referred to that way. IMO it's wrong to set kids up to think that their best years will be over by 22, and it's downhill from there. That's ridiculous. Every era in your life is potentially the best, or one of the best. It all depends on what you make o it.
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