Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-01-2014, 03:43 AM
 
Location: Hartford Connecticut
304 posts, read 395,977 times
Reputation: 406

Advertisements

Fiddlehead

I have or had most of the DSM V traits except suicide ideation and cutting/mutilation. The most striking is Loss of sense of who I was- no kind of real identity. Anger and irritability , lack of concentration through moderate to severe at times dissociation. Lack of occupational goals, focus. Extreme sensitivity and Fear of rejection. Splitting and idealization then devaluation of others. When younger sex addiction. Later in life drank too much- though not to the point of needing AA. Poor life choices and financial decisions. Huge self esteem issues. Not being able to keep friends very long-- at most 4 years-. I was at first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression. I still suffer from likely GAD, or a combination of Anxiety disorders - co- morbid mood and anxiety disorders are common with BPD- they feel 'I might' have mild Bi Polar II- but this was not officially diagnosed. I take one medication- 60mg of Buspirone a day for anxiety related issues. I now believe my Father and Mother both could have had borderline traits, especially my Father. Getting the right diagnoses is paramount- and sometimes this takes time. After 2 years in therapy everything started to 'gel'. The therapist was confident to tell me honestly what I had- but I was beginning to see this through the therapy and a more understanding of myself. Some at first are in denial.

Its too bad most in society do not know the pain of the Borderline- even some highly educated people seem to dismiss us. Sadly those who are Narcissists are more accepted because of the initial charm and good social skills. I now try and make new acquaintances and friends who are tolerant of me- and make no judgments. Getting the right diagnoses and accepting it is the first path to recovery- good luck with your wife and Son.

As for the distribution of men and women with this disorder- with more men being diagnosed, its now getting close to a 60% women and 40% men- likely soon to be 50/50.

The state of Connecticut has excellent mental health services that are low cost to free. The goal is to make those with mental disorders more productive members of society.

Last edited by newerabuzz; 07-01-2014 at 04:14 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-01-2014, 07:50 AM
 
43 posts, read 39,946 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by newerabuzz View Post
Fiddlehead

I have or had most of the DSM V traits except suicide ideation and cutting/mutilation. The most striking is Loss of sense of who I was- no kind of real identity. Anger and irritability , lack of concentration through moderate to severe at times dissociation. Lack of occupational goals, focus. Extreme sensitivity and Fear of rejection. Splitting and idealization then devaluation of others. When younger sex addiction. Later in life drank too much- though not to the point of needing AA. Poor life choices and financial decisions. Huge self esteem issues. Not being able to keep friends very long-- at most 4 years-. I was at first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression. I still suffer from likely GAD, or a combination of Anxiety disorders - co- morbid mood and anxiety disorders are common with BPD- they feel 'I might' have mild Bi Polar II- but this was not officially diagnosed. I take one medication- 60mg of Buspirone a day for anxiety related issues. I now believe my Father and Mother both could have had borderline traits, especially my Father. Getting the right diagnoses is paramount- and sometimes this takes time. After 2 years in therapy everything started to 'gel'. The therapist was confident to tell me honestly what I had- but I was beginning to see this through the therapy and a more understanding of myself. Some at first are in denial.

Its too bad most in society do not know the pain of the Borderline- even some highly educated people seem to dismiss us. Sadly those who are Narcissists are more accepted because of the initial charm and good social skills. I now try and make new acquaintances and friends who are tolerant of me- and make no judgments. Getting the right diagnoses and accepting it is the first path to recovery- good luck with your wife and Son.

As for the distribution of men and women with this disorder- with more men being diagnosed, its now getting close to a 60% women and 40% men- likely soon to be 50/50.

The state of Connecticut has excellent mental health services that are low cost to free. The goal is to make those with mental disorders more productive members of society.
Found this thread through a Google search and registered. Your story sounds incredibly familiar, although I'm still a sex addict, have alcohol and other substance issues. Only other difference is I do pretty decent at managing my finances. Unfortunately the suicidal ideation is always there, like a thorn in my brain. (I've never attempted.)

My worst extended episode ever, where I really started to seek answers as to "what's wrong with me?," was during a very bad breakup with a toxic woman who had used me and lied to me very egregiously. Similar to you, the initial thinking was GAD with depression. But then when we got into more specifics about the breakup, the relationship, my life experiences in general....it was definitely BPD. This was about 3 years ago and I am arguably still in that period. I have a good career and make good enough money, and live in the middle of nowhere on some property to stay away from people. My hobbies are very solitary.

I went to some therapy at that time but basically gave up on it for a lot of the boilerplate reasons. Therapists don't want to deal with you. They wouldn't treat me at all until I was clean off of alcohol/other things for a few months, which I felt was impossible for me, as those are my "crutches," and I feared I would lose it and cause harm without them.

I used to be a fairly social person but after that breakup I haven't been able to date again (not that I should), and have slowly cut people out of my life who were close to me as a defense mechanism. Around the time of the breakup, best friend of 20 years also got tired of dealing with me and I haven't spoken to him with any regularity in 18 months. I maintain mostly superficial relationships that I can enter and exit with ease as soon as they become uncomfortable for any reason.

I feel that my alternative to therapy is to make my life as "small" as possible, and lean on my "crutches." I've decided that's my path forward. Of course it's a miserable existence, no relationships, the substance abuse and the problems it causes, the emptiness, the identity issues...waking up every morning not having a clue who you are or what your core values are or where your life should be going and not knowing how to move in that direction even if you did know.

I feel like this is what I can manage, but I'm still sad. I'm capable of so much more, I was tested at 140-150 level IQ in my teens and skipped grades in school, got a 4.0 in college with a double major and graduated at 20. At 35, I work a mediocre (in my opinion based on my abilities) job that I hate and my mental/emotional problems won't let me get out of my own damn way.

If there's any solace, it's that with the way I need to "use" to get by, at least my miserable time on this planet will be short.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2014, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Pluto's Home Town
9,982 posts, read 13,732,686 times
Reputation: 5689
Quote:
Originally Posted by newerabuzz View Post
Fiddlehead

I have or had most of the DSM V traits except suicide ideation and cutting/mutilation. The most striking is Loss of sense of who I was- no kind of real identity. Anger and irritability , lack of concentration through moderate to severe at times dissociation. Lack of occupational goals, focus. Extreme sensitivity and Fear of rejection. Splitting and idealization then devaluation of others. When younger sex addiction. Later in life drank too much- though not to the point of needing AA. Poor life choices and financial decisions. Huge self esteem issues. Not being able to keep friends very long-- at most 4 years-. I was at first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression. I still suffer from likely GAD, or a combination of Anxiety disorders - co- morbid mood and anxiety disorders are common with BPD- they feel 'I might' have mild Bi Polar II- but this was not officially diagnosed. I take one medication- 60mg of Buspirone a day for anxiety related issues. I now believe my Father and Mother both could have had borderline traits, especially my Father. Getting the right diagnoses is paramount- and sometimes this takes time. After 2 years in therapy everything started to 'gel'. The therapist was confident to tell me honestly what I had- but I was beginning to see this through the therapy and a more understanding of myself. Some at first are in denial.

Its too bad most in society do not know the pain of the Borderline- even some highly educated people seem to dismiss us. Sadly those who are Narcissists are more accepted because of the initial charm and good social skills. I now try and make new acquaintances and friends who are tolerant of me- and make no judgments. Getting the right diagnoses and accepting it is the first path to recovery- good luck with your wife and Son.

As for the distribution of men and women with this disorder- with more men being diagnosed, its now getting close to a 60% women and 40% men- likely soon to be 50/50.

The state of Connecticut has excellent mental health services that are low cost to free. The goal is to make those with mental disorders more productive members of society.
Very interesting. Your first few sentences describe my wife. She is very intelligent, and uncannily perceptive at times, but she has struggled to carve out a professional niche that would match with her intellect. I am the dumber of the pair, but I have a certain doggedness that has served well. I have wondered why such a smart person could often feel so lost and adrift. I think perhaps the deep-seated anxiety, emotional volatility, fight or flight reaction to conflict, and fear of failure might cast a long shadow on a person's life. I am glad you are getting help with this, and yes, I think it runs in families, which has been proven with studies of twins. Heritability approaches 50%.

Borderline is such a meaningless and strangely derogative term for something that I think deeply affects the quality of life for many people, and their families and coworkers.

Last edited by Fiddlehead; 07-01-2014 at 09:15 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2014, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Pluto's Home Town
9,982 posts, read 13,732,686 times
Reputation: 5689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mel Gibson's Pants View Post
Found this thread through a Google search and registered. Your story sounds incredibly familiar, although I'm still a sex addict, have alcohol and other substance issues. Only other difference is I do pretty decent at managing my finances. Unfortunately the suicidal ideation is always there, like a thorn in my brain. (I've never attempted.)

My worst extended episode ever, where I really started to seek answers as to "what's wrong with me?," was during a very bad breakup with a toxic woman who had used me and lied to me very egregiously. Similar to you, the initial thinking was GAD with depression. But then when we got into more specifics about the breakup, the relationship, my life experiences in general....it was definitely BPD. This was about 3 years ago and I am arguably still in that period. I have a good career and make good enough money, and live in the middle of nowhere on some property to stay away from people. My hobbies are very solitary.

I went to some therapy at that time but basically gave up on it for a lot of the boilerplate reasons. Therapists don't want to deal with you. They wouldn't treat me at all until I was clean off of alcohol/other things for a few months, which I felt was impossible for me, as those are my "crutches," and I feared I would lose it and cause harm without them.

I used to be a fairly social person but after that breakup I haven't been able to date again (not that I should), and have slowly cut people out of my life who were close to me as a defense mechanism. Around the time of the breakup, best friend of 20 years also got tired of dealing with me and I haven't spoken to him with any regularity in 18 months. I maintain mostly superficial relationships that I can enter and exit with ease as soon as they become uncomfortable for any reason.

I feel that my alternative to therapy is to make my life as "small" as possible, and lean on my "crutches." I've decided that's my path forward. Of course it's a miserable existence, no relationships, the substance abuse and the problems it causes, the emptiness, the identity issues...waking up every morning not having a clue who you are or what your core values are or where your life should be going and not knowing how to move in that direction even if you did know.

I feel like this is what I can manage, but I'm still sad. I'm capable of so much more, I was tested at 140-150 level IQ in my teens and skipped grades in school, got a 4.0 in college with a double major and graduated at 20. At 35, I work a mediocre (in my opinion based on my abilities) job that I hate and my mental/emotional problems won't let me get out of my own damn way.

If there's any solace, it's that with the way I need to "use" to get by, at least my miserable time on this planet will be short.

Sheesh, I have to get to work, but this is SO DAMN INTERESTING. This describes my wife's family. I am arm chairing it here (I am no expert), but I think my wife's mother, my wife, my son, and my wife's nephew all have this disorder in some degree. The grandmother was widely feared for her tirades. My wife has struggle with alcoholism, depression, many inflammatory disputes, and she has tended to cut off relationships one by one. She likes our dogs and son. She loves me, but can sometimes barely stand me. That's it. No close friends or family. My son has had almost constant troubles in school, all because of anger and meltdowns. One of his teachers said he seems like he is always on the edge of a breakdown. He is very bright and articulate, but his verbal and performance IQ are quite incongruous. Anyhow, the nephew makes me think of you. The kid is friggin brilliant ~145 IQ, straight A student in one of the best schools in the country. He asked child protective services to take him away from his bat crazy mom (who I have never met), and he was put in very upper class foster homes. He now wants to cut off all relationships with his biological family, but when I see pictures of the young man I can see it. He is a very handsome kid, and he looks like he could be my wife's son, but there is a haunted look to him. I know that for all his talent, that this disorder is there and will cause him a lot of pain. I wish I could help, but I suspect he may be lost to us now. He lives across the country, and he is cutting off all contact. I cannot really blame him, but I think it is a mistake.

They are an old Irish family, and I wonder if this is more common among people of Celtic extractions. The emotion volatility, quick wit, uncanny perception, and vulnerability to intense anger and alcoholism are Irish/Scottish clichés.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2014, 09:23 AM
 
43 posts, read 39,946 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiddlehead View Post
Sheesh, I have to get to work, but this is SO DAMN INTERESTING. This describes my wife's family. I am arm chairing it here (I am no expert), but I think my wife's mother, my wife, my son, and my wife's nephew all have this disorder in some degree. The grandmother was widely feared for her tirades. My wife has struggle with alcoholism, depression, many inflammatory disputes, and she has tended to cut off relationships one by one. She likes our dogs and son. She loves me, but can sometimes barely stand me. That's it. No close friends or family. My son has had almost constant troubles in school, all because of anger and meltdowns. One of his teachers said he seems like he is always on the edge of a breakdown. He is very bright and articulate, but his verbal and performance IQ are quite incongruous. Anyhow, the nephew makes me think of you. The kid is friggin brilliant ~145 IQ, straight A student in one of the best schools in the country. He asked child protective services to take him away from his bat crazy mom (who I have never met), and he was put in very upper class foster homes. He now wants to cut off all relationships with his biological family, but when I see pictures of the young man I can see it. He is a very handsome kid, and he looks like he could be my wife's son, but there is a haunted look to him. I know that for all his talent, that this disorder is there and will cause him a lot of pain. I wish I could help, but I suspect he may be lost to us now. He lives across the country, and he is cutting off all contact. I cannot really blame him, but I think it is a mistake.

They are an old Irish family, and I wonder if this is more common among people of Celtic extractions. The emotion volatility, quick wit, uncanny perception, and vulnerability to intense anger and alcoholism are Irish/Scottish clichés.
Like your wife, I bond very closely with animals. I do not allow myself to (anymore) with people. It's too risky for a BPD, too much at stake.

My grandmother on my dad's side, was the first in the "line" to have it. She wasn't a tirade person, she turned all the abuse inward, same with me. She was Scottish, perhaps a coincidence.

But after her, my dad (undiagnosed), now my sister and myself, both diagnosed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2014, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Hartford Connecticut
304 posts, read 395,977 times
Reputation: 406
Fiddlehead

I am reasonably intelligent- but then most Borderlines do not think they are- most have low self worth- Add to my other issues impulsive behavior , and sometimes I can be manipulative - though not in the same league as a Narcissist of Psychopath. I have had huge career problems as well- not thinking I could do a job. Trouble is most borderlines have dissociation issues, loose their concentration then make mistakes. They have problems with having 'no emotional skin' very difficult in a non supportive environment. I am employed- and have been at my current job the last 3.5 years- I am under employed- and work 30 hours a week- but being employed is very important - since nearly half of those diagnosed are not able to work.

Today I manage money far better then when I was younger- the sexual addiction has ebbed- I also now drink moderately-

Borderline PD is in the cluster B of Dramatic personality disorders- along with Histrionic, Narcissistic and Anti Social (Psychopath) I am mostly Borderline- with the co morbid anxiety disorder. Also interesting- I was involved with someone who was very likely a Malignant Narcissist (NPD) now I know that this is not uncommon- but this type of relationship ends up with the Borderline loosing any sense of self he or she has- and becoming a codependent of the Narcissist. Remember the Narcissist has no sense of self either- erecting a 'false Self'. This relationship left my heart and soul in shreds-

I find it better not to avoid others- to be socially engaged- at all times. Borderlines through DBT upgrade their 'skills' since our emotional and social skills are at about the level of a 5 year old LOL

A good book to read on recovery from BPD- is 'The Buddha and The Borderline' My Recovery from BPD, through DBT and online dating' this ladies life mirrors many of us- the hurt and pain we go through.

Last edited by newerabuzz; 07-01-2014 at 12:09 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2014, 12:15 PM
 
43 posts, read 39,946 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by newerabuzz View Post
Fiddlehead

I am reasonably intelligent- but then most Borderlines do not think they are- most have low self worth- Add to my other issues impulsive behavior , and sometimes I can be manipulative - though not in the same league as a Narcissist of Psychopath. I have had huge career problems as well- not thinking I could do a job. Trouble is most borderlines have dissociation issues, loose their concentration then make mistakes. They have problems with having 'no emotional skin' very difficult in a non supportive environment. I am employed- and have been at my current job the last 3.5 years- I am under employed- and work 30 hours a week- but being employed is very important - since nearly half of those diagnosed are not able to work.

Today I manage money far better then when I was younger- the sexual addiction has ebbed- I also now drink moderately-

Borderline PD is in the cluster B of Dramatic personality disorders- along with Histrionic, Narcissistic and Anti Social (Psychopath) I am mostly Borderline- with the co morbid anxiety disorder. Also interesting- I was involved with someone who was very likely a Malignant Narcissist (NPD) now I know that this is not uncommon- but this type of relationship ends up with the Borderline loosing any sense of self he or she has- and becoming a codependent of the Narcissist. Remember the Narcissist has no sense of self either- erecting a 'false Self'. This relationship left my heart and soul in shreds-

I find it better not to avoid others- to be socially engaged- at all times. Borderlines through DBT upgrade their 'skills' since our emotional and social skills are at about the level of a 5 year old LOL

A good book to read on recovery from BPD- is 'The Buddha and The Borderline' My Recovery from BPD, through DBT and online dating' this ladies life mirrors many of us- the hurt and pain we go through.
The bolded is what happened to me, also. Heart and soul in shreds....check. I've never recovered. Serial adulterer who couldn't understand why her constant cheating and lying, from the first day she had met me, was a problem in light of how well she treated me otherwise (she did).

I lost myself then, as if I wasn't lost already, and that guy never came back and probably never will.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2014, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Pluto's Home Town
9,982 posts, read 13,732,686 times
Reputation: 5689
Quote:
Originally Posted by newerabuzz View Post
Fiddlehead

I am reasonably intelligent- but then most Borderlines do not think they are- most have low self worth- Add to my other issues impulsive behavior , and sometimes I can be manipulative - though not in the same league as a Narcissist of Psychopath. I have had huge career problems as well- not thinking I could do a job. Trouble is most borderlines have dissociation issues, loose their concentration then make mistakes. They have problems with having 'no emotional skin' very difficult in a non supportive environment. I am employed- and have been at my current job the last 3.5 years- I am under employed- and work 30 hours a week- but being employed is very important - since nearly half of those diagnosed are not able to work.

Today I manage money far better then when I was younger- the sexual addiction has ebbed- I also now drink moderately-

Borderline PD is in the cluster B of Dramatic personality disorders- along with Histrionic, Narcissistic and Anti Social (Psychopath) I am mostly Borderline- with the co morbid anxiety disorder. Also interesting- I was involved with someone who was very likely a Malignant Narcissist (NPD) now I know that this is not uncommon- but this type of relationship ends up with the Borderline loosing any sense of self he or she has- and becoming a codependent of the Narcissist. Remember the Narcissist has no sense of self either- erecting a 'false Self'. This relationship left my heart and soul in shreds-

I find it better not to avoid others- to be socially engaged- at all times. Borderlines through DBT upgrade their 'skills' since our emotional and social skills are at about the level of a 5 year old LOL

A good book to read on recovery from BPD- is 'The Buddha and The Borderline' My Recovery from BPD, through DBT and online dating' this ladies life mirrors many of us- the hurt and pain we go through.

You know, in almost two decades with my wife, during many "incidents," I have often thought to myself (Good grief!!! She is acting like a 13 year old, pissed off, entitled, and completely unable to see beyond her own emotional needs). Maybe it is like perpetual adolescence, in a way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2014, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Hartford Connecticut
304 posts, read 395,977 times
Reputation: 406
I work with kids 14-18 years old. Is that my level of social/emotional functioning?. I have found my niche!

DBT will give a fair chance for occupational recovery-- better with Psycho-Social functioning. The work is hard, and you must be totally dedicated in your personal improvement.

Today recovery from the worst attributes of BPD is possible for most- its not easy- but never ever give up!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-02-2014, 03:03 AM
 
1 posts, read 930 times
Reputation: 10
[quote=VinceShamWow;35448274]Strikes close to home as a sufferer who is currently untreated. Have experienced some of the phenomena described in the article re: therapists often just don't want to deal with BPD and find reasons to stop seeing you or pawn you off on someone else.

[url=http://mensrightssydney.com/2014/06/30/bpd-a-mens-health-faliure-on-every-front/]BPD A Men’s Health Failure On Every Front | mensrightssydney[/url]


Wow, you are really crazy!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:23 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top