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It’s quite clear that at least here in America, female masculinity is far more accepted than male femininity in our society. There are several examples we can look at:
- - Women carrying weapons and knowing how to shoot
- - Women holding jobs that were traditionally held by men in the past (e.g. truck driver, rancher/farmer, police officer, etc.)
- - Women driving vehicles like big 4 x 4 trucks
And many more. Except for a very small minority of men, most men are not bothered by women who have masculine traits, such as those listed above. A lot of guys, for example, find things like women driving big trucks and knowing how to shoot to be very attractive. In fact, a lot of men seem to actually prefer these types of women to pursue a romantic relationship with, as opposed to more “girly girl” type of women. A lot of men are interested in a woman who can handle herself, so to speak.
But the converse simply does not seem to be true. Men having feminine characteristics is largely frowned upon in our society, and it doesn’t seem to be all that appealing to women in terms of romantic interest either. After all, how many women really want to pursue romantic relationships with guys that are very sensitive/timid/shy? How many women are willing to be the leader or the dominant one in the relationship? Not very many. Over the years, I’ve read through countless “why do nice guys finish last” threads started by men having trouble with relationships. The almost uniform response from women is that while women do genuinely want guys that are nice to them, they also want a manly man that is more masculine than they are. When a guy is overly sensitive and “nice”, he often ends up friendzoned, because women start to see him as one of the girls. And this seems to be the case for most women regardless of how many masculine characteristics they possess. The biggest “girly girl” and the most butch woman both want a guy that is more masculine than they are.
To look at a few examples:
- - Men getting manicures/pedicures
- - Men wearing clothing with “girly” colors (pink, purple, etc)
- - Men being very sensitive, emotional, and open about their feelings
Unlike the examples above for women, when men possess feminine characteristics such as those listed above, they often catch a lot of flack for it. These types of behaviors are major turn offs for most women.
In essence, it seems we’ve come to a point in time where men do not necessarily seek out “girly girls” anymore, yet the vast majority of women still are only interested in “manly men” when it comes to a romantic relationship.
I find this fascinating, because since the beginning of time, men have traditionally sought out feminine/dainty women, and women have desired a strong/masculine man. Why is the former becoming more and more a thing of the past, while the latter has fundamentally remain unchanged since the beginning of human existence on earth?
It’s quite clear that at least here in America, female masculinity is far more accepted than male femininity in our society. There are several examples we can look at:
- - Women carrying weapons and knowing how to shoot
- - Women holding jobs that were traditionally held by men in the past (e.g. truck driver, rancher/farmer, police officer, etc.)
- - Women driving vehicles like big 4 x 4 trucks
And many more. Except for a very small minority of men, most men are not bothered by women who have masculine traits, such as those listed above. A lot of guys, for example, find things like women driving big trucks and knowing how to shoot to be very attractive. In fact, a lot of men seem to actually prefer these types of women to pursue a romantic relationship with, as opposed to more “girly girl” type of women. A lot of men are interested in a woman who can handle herself, so to speak.
But the converse simply does not seem to be true. Men having feminine characteristics is largely frowned upon in our society, and it doesn’t seem to be all that appealing to women in terms of romantic interest either. After all, how many women really want to pursue romantic relationships with guys that are very sensitive/timid/shy? How many women are willing to be the leader or the dominant one in the relationship? Not very many. Over the years, I’ve read through countless “why do nice guys finish last” threads started by men having trouble with relationships. The almost uniform response from women is that while women do genuinely want guys that are nice to them, they also want a manly man that is more masculine than they are. When a guy is overly sensitive and “nice”, he often ends up friendzoned, because women start to see him as one of the girls. And this seems to be the case for most women regardless of how many masculine characteristics they possess. The biggest “girly girl” and the most butch woman both want a guy that is more masculine than they are.
To look at a few examples:
- - Men getting manicures/pedicures
- - Men wearing clothing with “girly” colors (pink, purple, etc)
- - Men being very sensitive, emotional, and open about their feelings
Unlike the examples above for women, when men possess feminine characteristics such as those listed above, they often catch a lot of flack for it. These types of behaviors are major turn offs for most women.
In essence, it seems we’ve come to a point in time where men do not necessarily seek out “girly girls” anymore, yet the vast majority of women still are only interested in “manly men” when it comes to a romantic relationship.
I find this fascinating, because since the beginning of time, men have traditionally sought out feminine/dainty women, and women have desired a strong/masculine man. Why is the former becoming more and more a thing of the past, while the latter has fundamentally remain unchanged since the beginning of human existence on earth?
I think for a long time it was because women were not respected, and that includes their roles and the jobs they were allowed (or forced to) do, which comes from women's history of not having had legal rights until fairly recent actually. It wasn't that long ago that women couldn't even own property, or vote, and even today, there are remnants of discrimination everywhere, and look at the most basic thing, a name - women are looked at funny if they insist on keeping their name when married. I was!!!! People just couldn't get through their brain why I wouldn't take my husband's father's last name, when most women who marry, do.
^ I agree. We've had a pretty male-dominated society and culture for a long time, and therefore masculine things were seen as superior and good and anything seen as feminine was considered inferior and weak. Thus, women who drive trucks and wear pants and shoots guns and become engineers are seen as pursuing "good things." Men who want to get manicures or wear skirts or wear pink or cry at a movie are seen as "weak" and inferior.
OP, it seems like you've missed out on the social change that's been going on the last 20 years. And your premiss is faulty from the get-go. Women DO go for men who are shy and timid--I've seen women do that. I know women who went after, and married, the shy guys. Think about it: one advantage is that you'll never have to worry about him strutting around, looking for an opportunity to cheat. They're very devoted, and tend to be very dependable. Those are some prime marriage qualities.
And in the last generation, social norms have loosened up so that men are more free to express their emotions. And they certainly do wear "girly" colors (I didn't know purple was "girly"). Pink for men is cool. Purple is hot. The old stereotypes for gendered behavior have fallen, and people are much more free to be themselves. This is a good thing. Women LOVE sensitive, thoughtful guys! Not all women, but not all men like tomboy women, either. Vive la difference! Celebrate diversity!
^ I agree. We've had a pretty male-dominated society and culture for a long time, and therefore masculine things were seen as superior and good and anything seen as feminine was considered inferior and weak. Thus, women who drive trucks and wear pants and shoots guns and become engineers are seen as pursuing "good things." Men who want to get manicures or wear skirts or wear pink or cry at a movie are seen as "weak" and inferior.
I feel much of the concept of femininity was forced on women. As a woman who was never into girly things and who is pretty active in gay rights activities, I nonetheless have always had a hard time understanding transvestites, for example. To me, it's like they picked the most appalling aspects of the popular idea of femininity to make their own.
When a woman learns to shoot or has a good truck (that would be me) or has a traditionally male job, that's just furthering her independence and self-sufficiency. But feminine clothes and pedicures are all things that tend to reflect a culture of dependency that pervaded popular constructs of femininity. Dependency makes me twitchy.
As for emotions, I don't tend to see them as male or female. I'm not a fan of the overly stoic or the overly expressive, is all.
OP, it seems like you've missed out on the social change that's been going on the last 20 years. And your premiss is faulty from the get-go. Women DO go for men who are shy and timid--I've seen women do that. I know women who went after, and married, the shy guys. Think about it: one advantage is that you'll never have to worry about him strutting around, looking for an opportunity to cheat. They're very devoted, and tend to be very dependable. Those are some prime marriage qualities.
And in the last generation, social norms have loosened up so that men are more free to express their emotions. And they certainly do wear "girly" colors (I didn't know purple was "girly"). Pink for men is cool. Purple is hot. The old stereotypes for gendered behavior have fallen, and people are much more free to be themselves. This is a good thing. Women LOVE sensitive, thoughtful guys! Not all women, but not all men like tomboy women, either. Vive la difference! Celebrate diversity!
I agree with this.
Also, I think that these types of stereotypes can vary greatly by geography. In more socially liberal areas of the U.S. a straight guy in a purple shirt getting a pedicure is a fashion statement -- the metrosexual thing -- and nothing more. He's just a guy who wants to look his best and wouldn't be caught dead in cut-offs, flip flops, and a t-shirt day after day. That same guy can be a non-drinker (or at the other end of the spectrum, he might also be a wine expert). But he hates beer, talks softly and prefers reading books and listening to opera instead of watching football.
Fifty years ago such a guy might have had a hard time with the ladies, but now, they'll go crazy for a guy like that. That whole Don Draper/Ernest Hemingway macho thing is SO 1960. Yeah, they'll always be women looking for that old-school thing, but I know there are a lot who'd swoon over the sweet, sensitive, well-dressed guy -- especially if he's got a good job!
OP, I still like the feminine woman! I still love femininity in women (although what you are talking about is the sad truth). I love girly girls, and married one. I don't like seeing women driving big trucks, carrying guns, or working as firemen!!
So, it seems this has changed in time, but many men still hold tradition and like feminine woman, and men should be masculine and protect women. Peace.
OP, I still like the feminine woman! I still love femininity in women (although what you are talking about is the sad truth). I love girly girls, and married one. I don't like seeing women driving big trucks, carrying guns, or working as firemen!!
So, it seems this has changed in time, but many men still hold tradition and like feminine woman, and men should be masculine and protect women. Peace.
I like being that way, a girly girl, and I'm a feminist.
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