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Old 11-09-2014, 10:07 AM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,423 posts, read 1,390,984 times
Reputation: 1157

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
A lot of mixed thoughts here.

I personally will refrain from calling a mentally ill person "crazy". They suffer from something they simply cannot control. But my heart goes out to the people who have to deal with them, or have a close relationship with them. It certainly is not easy.

I know it is a taboo to "diagnose" somebody over the internet and nobody wants to be labeled as armchair psychologist, but when we see "drama", we kind of have an ideal what we are dealing with.

People with bipolar and borderline personality disorder think in the extreme quite frequently. Everything feels like the end of the world (catastrophizing).

Not everyone jumps to the extremes, but people with bipolar or BPD seem to have that tendency.

Obviously, there are still people believe that mental illness are "bad people's disease." Mental illnesses have nothing to do with somebody's moral characters, they have a lot to do with a person's biochemistry in the brain. It is a much complicated issue.

Obviously, dealing with bpd or bipolar often feels like you are dealing with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. They can be charming, loving, kind, and compassionate at one point, and turn into a villain in the matter of minutes. How can you blame somebody who don't want to deal with this kind of drama?

I say setting firm boundaries is the key. Urge them to seek professional help, if you can offer emotional support, great. if you cannot offer that all the time, it truly is not a crime. You have done your best.
Great post...it gives the 2 visions of this dilemma. Without passions or "political correctness".

Yes, looking at the whole spectrum, you think love can handle anything like that movie with Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams "The Vow" (on that movie the thing was amnesia and they were married) but isn't...but still this whole incident gave and insight on how and when to walk away without saying anything.

In fact she was very respectful, she told me several times "she could use me...so easily" but she didn't. That shows she had morals and standards. That's one of the reasons why I was falling for her.

And yes it was shocking...I felt I was in the middle of "The Exorcist" or "Saw" when I saw the rage. I was scared big time...also hurt but pretty DAMN scared...and believe me I'm not a faint of heart, she didn't physically assaulted me but I was afraid she might. and I've seen girls yelling at me and everything, but this was something else entirely: the words, the look on her face, all the episode, was too intense and weird like she was on her own movie. The things weren't really at me.

Also I think she has the lowest form, but I've read those things tend to escalate when not treated.

Well..."compassionate distance" is the best thing to do really.
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Old 11-09-2014, 01:36 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,849,639 times
Reputation: 24135
Well everything you described looks like a trauma disorder. Instead of spending so much effort trying to diagnose her, why not spend that energy trying to figure out what attracts you to people with these type of issues. This is likely not the first, it wont be the last. You need to leave her be and look in the mirror.

As for thinking you are the bees knees for confronting her with what you think is wrong with her, here is a little coaching for the future when you get into this situations

In a calm, neutral moment
"Sweety, I am worried about you. I have noticed alot of anger and pain in you...it must be so hard to carry that around."

and there opens the door for a genuine, loving conversation.

BTW...slightly a moral issue for me, if she is a friend with benefits, she isn't someone you care for deeply. Its just fact.
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Old 11-09-2014, 01:47 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,849,639 times
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btw, people can appear manic to try and run from unpleasant feelings or situations. Anxiety can look manic. You really are not trained (its pretty obvious) to diagnose mental illness or even name unusual states of being. Walk away from the bipolar boards, go find a mirror. Or a therapist.
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Old 11-09-2014, 02:03 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,423 posts, read 1,390,984 times
Reputation: 1157
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Well everything you described looks like a trauma disorder. Instead of spending so much effort trying to diagnose her, why not spend that energy trying to figure out what attracts you to people with these type of issues. This is likely not the first, it wont be the last. You need to leave her be and look in the mirror.

As for thinking you are the bees knees for confronting her with what you think is wrong with her, here is a little coaching for the future when you get into this situations

In a calm, neutral moment
"Sweety, I am worried about you. I have noticed alot of anger and pain in you...it must be so hard to carry that around."

and there opens the door for a genuine, loving conversation.

BTW...slightly a moral issue for me, if she is a friend with benefits, she isn't someone you care for deeply. Its just fact.
Highflyingbird you need to touch the ground for a bit.

Trauma disorder? That's sounds like something you can apply everywhere. Perhaps...the label now really doesn't matter. All signs point to bipolar but we will never know.

Thanks for the advice and the "little coaching" and for reference: actually THIS WAS actually my first time dealing with someone with some form of a mental disorder of this nature (I had a depression GF but she was under treatment when I began the relationship with her). Yes, I've encountered my share of troubled women out there, but usually at the first sign of mental inestability I run far, far away...on this case, I insisted on the meeting to tell her that, and I didn't know the "smart" approach really. And it's kinda funny she was asking me for "time" over and over again, even AFTER the episode. That sounds "normal"? Nope...

In a way the "bipolar" conversation was good because I was becoming codependent, and really that's not my idea of a healthy relationship, so it's probably all for the best.

The moral issue? You got it all WRONG...I was the one asking her to be in a formal and real relationship with me, she wanted the FWB thing instead because she was coming out of a past relationship. So, there you go...keep your "facts straight" the next time.

Before being all "judgemental" try to be on the other side as well. "Non bipolar people" also have feelings you know.
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Old 11-09-2014, 02:22 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,423 posts, read 1,390,984 times
Reputation: 1157
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
btw, people can appear manic to try and run from unpleasant feelings or situations. Anxiety can look manic. You really are not trained (its pretty obvious) to diagnose mental illness or even name unusual states of being. Walk away from the bipolar boards, go find a mirror. Or a therapist.
It's funny how some people try to "defend" what cannot be defended with the excuse of "if it's not diagnosed by a pro doesn't exist". Ridiculous really.

Therapist are normal human beings as well...they aren't "gods" and they have personal issues as well. They do exactly what I did: research. The human mind and their actions is based in observation, Freud, Jung and others did that. Most bipolars don't even know they are this way. Usually they tend to "deny" there is something wrong with them. Often they skip the therapy because they are "fine". They are not fine. It's like the "new clothes of the emperor" tale all over. "The king is naked".

I have a good male friend who is a bipolar, never saw anything wrong with him, until I heard he was fired from a job when he snapped discussing with a guy because he wanted to use HIS phone. There were 2 phones available to use, but he wanted his phone. The clueless dude on the phone just press charges for harrasment. He told me he was diagnosed as a bipolar a couple of years ago, several years after that incident. Never saw anything wrong with him...at all. The words, the things he said, very familiar to what happened to me with her.

Yes, indeed I'm not trained...but when you know the person, you CAN tell when something is not quite right. Anxiety does not induce people to drink heavily...anxiety yes, can cause irritability, but not depression, not the sexual high drive, not the rage without any motive. Anxiety leads to anger but common anger really for the slightest thing, yes, and usually anxiety is visible, people are worried, talking too much than usual, going back and forth etc. Bipolar (specially cychlotimia the lowest form) can go "normal" for months and they have some kind of self control outside their houses.


Nope I don't need a therapist, nor a life coach, I'm fine with my weaknesses, because I know those very well, so to speak I'm familiar with my own "demons". And by the way, I look in the mirror very well each day.


And the bipolar forums, are a great way to learn about the illness, the causes of bipolarity are not clear and anyone can be one or encounter one at some point.

Last edited by skywalker2014; 11-09-2014 at 03:06 PM..
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Old 11-09-2014, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,044 posts, read 27,462,475 times
Reputation: 15955
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Well everything you described looks like a trauma disorder. Instead of spending so much effort trying to diagnose her, why not spend that energy trying to figure out what attracts you to people with these type of issues. This is likely not the first, it wont be the last. You need to leave her be and look in the mirror.
t.


Why do anybody have to deal with somebody with "trauma disorder" Are you talking about developmental trauma disorder or PTSD here?

You talk to any trained psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist, they would tell you, please set healthy boundaries with people who are mentally ill. They need a therapist, not a lover.

How could anybody possibly know a person has mental issues? Do you think all mentally ill people just sit there and talk to themselves?

There are a lot of mentally ill politicians, entertainers, even doctors and psychologists .
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Old 11-09-2014, 03:09 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,849,639 times
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While I am so tempted to suggest you look up narcissistic personality disorder, I am going to be constructive and give you some better resources then online forums (which are really not the best way to learn about mental health) if you truly want to learn more about mental health.

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror Paperback – May 30, 1997
by Judith Herman
Amazon.com: Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror (9780465087303): Judith Herman: Books

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction Paperback – January 5, 2010
by Gabor Mate
http://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-G...rds=gabor+mate

I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better Paperback – May 1, 2000
by Gary Lundberg (Author), Joy Lundberg (Author)
http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Have-Make...ing+all+better

Thats a start. PM me if you want any more references. They might seem off topic, but they all are very much on topic. The first two talk in great detail about the workings of the mind, neurobio psychology, the formation of the self, the ego, etc. The last is an excellent self help book about creating healthy boundaries and I think nearly every one could benefit from that book. Its really great work.
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Old 11-09-2014, 03:13 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,849,639 times
Reputation: 24135
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post


Why do anybody have to deal with somebody with "trauma disorder" Are you talking about developmental trauma disorder or PTSD here?

You talk to any trained psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist, they would tell you, please set healthy boundaries with people who are mentally ill. They need a therapist, not a lover.

How could anybody possibly know a person has mental issues? Do you think all mentally ill people just sit there and talk to themselves?

There are a lot of mentally ill politicians, entertainers, even doctors and psychologists .
I am very well learned in psychology and have worked with a number of psychologists and psychiatrists. As well as having taken many psychology classes.

As for wanting to deal with some one with a trauma disorder (I am talking about a whole set of disorders based on a variety of traumatic situations), some people love those people. They aren't trash to be discarded because they have a treatable disorder. Your stance on this is really confusing to me. I am not sure I understand where you are coming from at all. People with mental health problems often have lovers, and therapists.

If you see my other post, I suggested a great book about boundaries.
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Old 11-09-2014, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,044 posts, read 27,462,475 times
Reputation: 15955
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Well everything you described looks like a trauma disorder. Instead of spending so much effort trying to diagnose her, why not spend that energy trying to figure out what attracts you to people with these type of issues. This is likely not the first, it wont be the last. You need to leave her be and look in the mirror..
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I am very well learned in psychology and have worked with a number of psychologists and psychiatrists. As well as having taken many psychology classes.

As for wanting to deal with some one with a trauma disorder (I am talking about a whole set of disorders based on a variety of traumatic situations), some people love those people. They aren't trash to be discarded because they have a treatable disorder. Your stance on this is really confusing to me. I am not sure I understand where you are coming from at all. People with mental health problems often have lovers, and therapists.

If you see my other post, I suggested a great book about boundaries.
Your bolded sounds quite judgmental, with all due respect.
I lost a boyfriend to suicide, and I did not recall any therapists have told me "You need to look in the mirror."

I agree with the "you need to leave her be" part. That is why I am suggesting "these people need professional help, not a lover."

The bolded sounds like you are blaming the op and it sounds quite judgmental. I am sorry, but that is just my opinion.
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Old 11-09-2014, 03:30 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,423 posts, read 1,390,984 times
Reputation: 1157
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
While I am so tempted to suggest you look up narcissistic personality disorder, I am going to be constructive and give you some better resources then online forums (which are really not the best way to learn about mental health) if you truly want to learn more about mental health.
Narcissistic personality disorder? Wow...that's new. If that's for me (I think it is) well...you struck down again...because I'm not. Really if I was a "narcissit" I won't be even discussing this here. I would just say to myself "crazy beatch" or whatever...lacks empathy? Not quite.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
  • Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
  • Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
  • Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes






Looking at all altogether, she was very "off" with her emotions. She didn't know why she felt the way she did. Which is pretty strange in my opinion.
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