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Yes take care of yourself first skywalker. Just try to move forward. It is not a crime to say "Enough is enough." Good luck with everything.
bolded is exactly right. I agree 100%
Thanks Lily...I resent also the other side of the fence who label them as "psychobeatches" or something like that. It's an illness really, and at least we remain as friends (but we don't get in touch often anymore). I know "normal" people who can be really, really mean.
Again I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Hope it's all well now for you.
I payed great attention. I know you told her she was bipolar before the break off. I know you lumbered into it like a blind elephant, with less sensitivity. I know since she broke it off you are spending massive effort on the forum and others justifying how you are right and she is sick and how you have to run for the hills. I also know, no matter what I say you wont read it, you will just react to the one part that doesnt support your claim
My biggest "wtf" moment is when I realized you both are grown adults, not 19 year olds. Dude.....
I payed great attention. I know you told her she was bipolar before the break off. I know you lumbered into it like a blind elephant, with less sensitivity. I know since she broke it off you are spending massive effort on the forum and others justifying how you are right and she is sick and how you have to run for the hills. I also know, no matter what I say you wont read it, you will just react to the one part that doesnt support your claim
My biggest "wtf" moment is when I realized you both are grown adults, not 19 year olds. Dude.....
Read and read carefully...the "affair" was broken off by HER, during the rage. Period. She told me "I don't want this anymore". It was violent, yelling and stuff. I was scared and also hurt. No matter the "label". I dislike violence of any kind.
There was never a REAL relationship, it was just a FWB stuff because SHE decided it was gonna be that way because she was coming out of another relationship and she needed "time". I was the one asking her to think about a REAL relationship.
Two weeks after the "breakup" before the meeting, she tells me (through chat and because I contacted her) about "needing time". She is a very "closed on her own" person, even before these incidents, her body language is arms crossed most of the time. But she agreed she had some level of trust with me.
The "massive efforts" is not to justify anything really, the massive efforts is to try to understand an illness. An illness of course I've heard about it but until now I didn't really know very well. I know my part and role on this and I assume the consecuences, even if you don't agree with me at all.
Less sensitivity? NOT CORRECT, AT ALL. You don't know anything. I was trying to help her, the execution was poorly, I know. The more intelligent thing to do was just after the "episode" to cut all ties to her. To "run to the hills" so to speak. But no, I decided to try to tell her there was a problem. You can tell me a million times: "only a therapist can know for sure and bla bla bla" but there was SOMETHING WRONG with her...may not be bipolar (I think it is) but that's not normal to yell at somebody just because. To put it in lame terms: I was getting all the yelling, didn't know why?
Actually I read your posts, therefore I know you got the facts all wrong.
And yes, we both are adults on our 40's...so what? I know adult couples (with or without mental illnesses) way too damaged. Breaking stuff, getting physical, cheating, codependency and the list goes on. And there is children involved most of the time. I know a behemoth of a guy (a very sucessful business man by the way) who often beat the living crap out of his wife and children because he always thinks she was cheating on him. The guy suffers from schizofrenia and paranoia, and he is seeing a doctor.
Blind elephant, lumbered? Perhaps but WITH a lot of sensitivity and empathy, I cared for the woman deeply, a month ago (six months after the meeting) we had a long chat and she was clear as I stated on my post, about going each own our separate ways, and I agreed with her...so there's nothing really to "prove" or to "fix". I told her to forgive me (talking about "less sensitivity") and to remain on friendly terms, and she agreed, I wanted to make amends and that was all, no double intentions there, since I'm dating someone else now.
It's funny (and even surprising) when judgemental people LIKE YOU, don't understand the position of someone who tries to help but doesn't really know how.
I appreciate Lily because she was very helpful with her own experience, and not throwing "books and seminars and classes" all around like medals on a commander's jacket. A mental illness is a hard thing to deal with for all involved.
Last edited by skywalker2014; 11-10-2014 at 03:06 AM..
I payed great attention. I know you told her she was bipolar before the break off. I know you lumbered into it like a blind elephant, with less sensitivity. I know since she broke it off you are spending massive effort on the forum and others justifying how you are right and she is sick and how you have to run for the hills. I also know, no matter what I say you wont read it, you will just react to the one part that doesnt support your claim
My biggest "wtf" moment is when I realized you both are grown adults, not 19 year olds. Dude.....
dude, NOT every one of us is as perfect as you are.
I also told my late boyfriend (and he was a criminal defense attorney by the way) "You perhaps have some kind of mental illness, maybe you should seek professional help. If you don't, I don't think the relationship is going to work" Does that make ME insensitive?
Many people find it difficult to come to terms with the challenges presented by their loved ones' mental illnesses, They are definitely not alone.
You posted quite a bit in this thread, with all due respect, you do sound quite judgmental.
Unpredictable behaviors in a loved one can be devastating, and your own personal anxiety can increase as you struggle with each illness episode and worry about the future. I think offering him some coping tips is more productive, don't you think?
His thread is "How to make amends with a bipolar person?" how about talking about that instead?
dude, NOT every one of us is as perfect as you are.
I also told my late boyfriend (and he was a criminal defense attorney by the way) "You perhaps have some kind of mental illness, maybe you should seek professional help. If you don't, I don't think the relationship is going to work" Does that make ME insensitive?
Many people find it difficult to come to terms with the challenges presented by their loved ones' mental illnesses, They are definitely not alone.
You posted quite a bit in this thread, with all due respect, you do sound quite judgmental.
Unpredictable behaviors in a loved one can be devastating, and your own personal anxiety can increase as you struggle with each illness episode and worry about the future. I think offering him some coping tips is more productive, don't you think?
His thread is "How to make amends with a bipolar person?" how about talking about that instead?
It's a battle we cannot win really...if we do nothing we are bad people (insensible and stuff) if we do "something" then you have to walk over a "mine field" so to speak, and often there's no happy ending there.
My take on the matter is simple: she wasn't the woman for me. I wish her nothin' but the best, but I have more important things on my life right now. Overall it was a great experience.
It's a battle we cannot win really...if we do nothing we are bad people (insensible and stuff) if we do "something" then you have to walk over a "mine field" so to speak, and often there's no happy ending there.
My take on the matter is simple: she wasn't the woman for me. I wish nothin' but the best, but I have more important things on my life right now. Overall it was a great experience.
Thanks again my dear Lily...you are a blessing.
Take care of yourself sky. You sound like a very good man.
Take care of yourself sky. You sound like a very good man.
Thanks darling, you are a wonderful human being, like a ray of light in the middle of the darkest hour.
May the Lord be with you always!
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please read carefully
