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Of course I want an easy solution, and I don't think it's irrational at all. Do you want to have to continue to spend, as you put it, a disproportionate amount of time looking for things? Is that something you like having to do? Think about what you COULD be doing with all of that time instead if things would stop becoming lost, if they were just there. You could be going to the lake, or enjoying a game, or enjoy a walk in the woods, rather than having to deal with all of that irritating grunt work.
It is irrational, though. Things don't become lost, you lose them. You do this. It's not magic or gremliins or God. It's you, not keeping track of your things. The first step is to take ownership of what's happening here. This is not something that happening to you. You're doing it to yourself.
You mention a wife. Are you constantly asking her where your things are? Is she expected to keep track of everything?
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 08-15-2014 at 10:01 AM..
I am the same. I am the most chilled out person normally but when I can't find something that I have seen lying around a hundred times before and not needed it, it sends me into a furniture-smashing rage. I am even worse if I know that someone else is responsible for moving it.
Since you posted this in the psychology section, I'm not feeling
a need to tell you how to organize.
If I may respond from my own vast experience of being an
ex angry person...maybe it could give you some insight and help some?
First, once I fell and got a concussion, oh boy. For over 2 months I couldn't
track very well and was kind of a carefree idiot.
I knew I was getting back to my old self when I felt irritated and
mad for the first time...and guess what brought that on...a can.
A can in a food store that I couldn't reach.
I stood shocked...months of being carefree and an inanimate object
brought me back to my pis*y self.
This was my deal, and it often is for others, too.
When we were small in our particular families we weren't respected.
...not our words, our feelings, emotions, desires...we weren't listened to...
maybe we couldn't eat or dress or play with who we wanted to...the adults had all the control.
Now, as adults how that can play out is we want to control most everything...
from how people drive, to when a store opens, to where objects should be...
basically....how the world 'should' be, goddammit.
There is so much anger and frustration from this obvious lack of control
over our environment that we over react making it now a place to look like some
Postal worker reaching for a gun...and why?
Because the file wasnt where we wanted it to be, 'where it should be'.
We unconsciously believe that if we could get that control that we did not
have as a child...whew, we will be happy.
If we can, or, when I realized anger gets me nowhere, makes me look like an immature
brat, alienates me from friends, I will never have control of others or things...
Nothing is worth all this popping a vein...and either just screw it (the lost keys),
Or trust that all is fine and perfect, oh well, it will all work out...
I found it does...and funny that when I relax and let go...the thought pops in my
head, "Look under the newspaper. "
This all takes practice and observing yourself...weighing the results of the blowup with the alternative...calmly letting go...being late for the appt bec you are, in fact,
an unorganized goofball...own it, laugh at yourself and learn to flow.
The world will start flowing with you better...it takes time to see how
miserable we make ourselves...and how happy we could be.
Anyway, maybe this will help someone...I sure paid enough to learn all this.
OP, being tired all the time can impact brain chemistry, otherwise I would agree about getting screened for OCD. I, too, have seen it start that way in people.
My suggestion is to think about some ways you might get more rest, and that might include things like a daily walk and earlier bedtime. Perhaps try that for a week and see whether it helps you keep track of items better, as well as feel less angry when things aren't going right. Lack of solid sleep can cause some major problems over time.
Of course I want an easy solution, and I don't think it's irrational at all. Do you want to have to continue to spend, as you put it, a disproportionate amount of time looking for things? Is that something you like having to do? Think about what you COULD be doing with all of that time instead if things would stop becoming lost, if they were just there. You could be going to the lake, or enjoying a game, or enjoy a walk in the woods, rather than having to deal with all of that irritating grunt work.
I like to say that I have an "air conditioning" mentality. To wit: prior to, say, 150 years ago, when it became hot, there was no real solution to it, you had to learn how to COPE with the heat, there was no escaping it (other than, say, swimming). I can guarantee you that people, especially in the Christian community, were saying "this is God's way of testing you or developing your character" or "just think how much this will cause you to appreciate the cooler weather," and on and on.
But now, what happens? Almost any church out there, if the air conditioning breaks, they shut down until it's repaired. I guarantee you most Christians get in their air conditioned cars and will fix their A/C the minute it breaks, they don't let it stay that way so they can have their character developed. They fix it, so they can go back to pushing a button to chase the heat away. They no longer find ways to tolerate the heat and bear it, they instead turn on the air conditioning and do away with it altogether 100% (at least indoors), and there's not a lot of work required in that.
This is the thing too--this never would've happened if not for the fact that someone, somewhere, rather than falling for all of that "it builds character" bunch of horse turds, they said to themselves "it shouldn't have to be like this, there ought to be a way to have a big box blow cold air so my house isn't hot and actually feels good even in the summertime," and even with other people, I'm sure, telling him he was crazy, he would not be denied, and now it's a reality.
That's what I want for this--and nothing else (although all comments are welcome, especially "I can relate" comments, but even "come on man" comments--bring them on). I want a solution that ends this once and for all and isn't labor intensive. I am not interested in "developing character" or tolerance for frustration. I'm the type that wants an annoying situation resolved, not tolerated. Put it this way--years ago I lived in NC and thought it rained too much. I left NC for AZ because I was not interested in tolerating the rain, but there was no way to stop it, but I could move to the desert and not have to tolerate it anymore, and that's exactly what I did.
Well if you want to invent the equivalent to air conditioning for finding lost things, go for it. Just don't expect someone else to invent it for you.
I do not view my losing things to be SUCH a hardship. I have a really good life. And as I've said before, my mantra is "At least I'm not in Somalia." The difficulties I face are small potatoes by comparison to that, and I'm sorry but constantly losing things is not the great tragedy of my life.
Yes, I'd rather have more time to do other things, and I'd love an easy solution, but my things are my responsibility. I take reasonable precautions to remember where things are, like speaking out loud where I have put something when I set it down. If cared enough to train my brain to remember, I would. But no, I'm not expecting a solution to be presented to me.
But here, I'll present a solution to you to get you started since you seem more interested in complaining than finding a solution:
Shyguy - I think you are very overwhelmed. But good news, God has sent each of us here to tell you - its not that bad, and find a place to put your stuff in all the time and it will be no hassle to find it next time. God told me to tell you that.
and God said please don't be mad at him because He's been telling you all this time.
Well, you want an inanimate object to come to life and by magic, have it magically appear before you like instant coffee. It is not gonna happen, though maybe you can invent something since you are so adamant about there must be something!
Maybe you should invent something that would do the trick.
I still think you are overwhelmed and also look upon others as if they have it so good because they have something you don't.
Since things don't magically appear, it is up to you to put your things where you find it. but its ok to vent! I get it.
It is irrational, though. Things don't become lost, you lose them. You do this. It's not magic or gremliins or God. It's you, not keeping track of your things. The first step is to take ownership of what's happening here. This is not something that happening to you. You're doing it to yourself.
You mention a wife. Are you constantly asking her where your things are? Is she expected to keep track of everything?
I disagree. It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep up with things to that degree. Of my own ability, it simply cannot be done. To say it's my fault would be like saying it's my fault that lightning struck my house because I could've always stood outside trying to block it with my body. That's just not possible, and keeping track of your things to the degree that they no longer become lost, it's just not possible. At the very least, it is entirely way too much work and life shouldn't involve so much "grunt" work like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicagoMeO
Since things don't magically appear, it is up to you to put your things where you find it. but its ok to vent! I get it.
It's much appreciated. The thing is, my wife tells me that I tend to view God as some genie in a bottle. My reply: "well He ought to get off his butt and DO SOMETHING." I don't seriously think He's a genie in a bottle, but I do think He ought to at least whisper in my ear or "tickle my brain" once in a while to at least help me remember where something is, especially after I've exhausted myself looking for awhile. It's not like I'm sitting around watching soap operas and gorging on ice cream expecting Him to wait on me hand & foot, but gee whiz throw me a bone already. This sort of thing is very tiring and frustrating.
I have at least managed to solve this problem with respect to keys and wallets. The keys always hang on a nail near the door, my wallet is almost always in my fanny back, and I can call my phone to find it. Tools and such are in a given place and it's okay. Some things, though, just don't lend themselves to always being in a certain place, because you use them in many different spots off & on throughout the day, and to have to stop what you're doing and put it back, only to have to keep doing it again multiple times a day, it's hugely annoying. Remote controls are a big problem, too, so much so I'm looking for a couch that doesn't have those "gaps" in the cushions, where it's all one long slab, because I can't STAND things getting lost there.
Shyguy - do you have too much stuff in the house that you cannot see things when they are right there?
you see, you are venting that God should instantly make things appear. You said you are exhausted looking for things. if you try to listen to what we've been telling you - you will instantly find things if you leave it in the same place each time. and you will not get exhausted looking for it. two problems easily solved by you. it wont even take a magic genie to do it. you have the power to do it. it doesn't look like it though sometimes.
its not too much work to do that. you are causing it by not doing a simple preventative thing.
ok. you are overwhelmed. exhausted, this can make your brain not see things.
if you get calm, you CAN find things better. when you get so angry, your brain cannot stop and remember things. The reason you cant find things is coz you are so angry. Calm down and you will remember better.
magical thinking (that God is a genie in a bottle) is what happens when you are overwhelmed and not thinking straight.
ok so you don't like to have to take the time to walk the thing over to its place, is your place that big where you have to take a bus to get to the other side?
stop telling yourself its too much work - that just adds to your exhaustion and overwhelming stuff that's already there.
you seem to have a problem with just a few things, and I think you can change that easy. its not too hard, just try it with a couple things and see how that makes you feel. when you do that, you will feel great when you do not have to get angry about losing it. and that will make you want to do it more.
maybe your angry about something else and your taking it out on these innocent objects but really there's something else going on.
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