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My roomates ex-wife and two kids recently moved in. It's a long story so I'll make it short. They moved in two 2 months ago. As of 3 weeks ago the younger child, who is 6 years old refuses to leave the apartment. I was able to get him to open up a little. He said he went to the store with mom and he had to go to the bathroom and they didn't have a bathroom. He didn't mess in his pants. The store was across the street and she brought him back and he was fine. When his mom goes shopping the 8 year old goes without hassle but the 6 year old cries, complains, and screams bloody murder. He will not leave the apartment without force. When he first got here he had no problem leaving. This is new. My thought is to take baby steps. Take him outside the apartment for him to play, just 10 feet away. He'd feel more comfortable I would imagine. Do that for awhile and than gradually move further away. These kids, went through alot. Their father, who is my roomate was an addict with anger issues. He was not physically abusive but I think he caused some psychological damage. I've grown somewhat attached to them and the ex will be leaving in a couple weeks so I'm trying to fix and help them I guess. And the kids will be back in school soon which will be chaos if the younger one is afraid to go outside. When asked why he simply says "What if I have to go to the bathroom" or if it's a store that has a bathroom and he knows they do he will say "But I don't like there bathroom". Any ideas, tips, or advice?
This is beyond your ability to resolve. He has a phobia. A phobia is extreme anxiety about a particular thing. But the biggest problem is he has already withdrawn from society because of this phobia. That necessitates professional therapy from a child psychologist who specializes in phobias.
There are many types of bathroom phobias. Some people fear public bathrooms. Some people fear not being able to find a bathroom, which is the worst bathroom phobia IMO because it can cause people to never leave the house like this boy is doing. Do what you can to encourage the mother to get him professional help.
I'll never forget when my sister and I were driving home from the county park. We both had to go BAD. I pulled into a gas station even though she insisted we wait until we got home. No way. I had to GO. She sat in the car and waited until we got home. That's how much she hates public restrooms. But she does leave her house like everyone else in the world. This little boy truly does need professional help. The faster the intervention, the less severe and disabling his problem will be.
Take him somewhere he likes, or buy him a toy. Tell him to use the bathroom before you leave so he won't have to go. Just make it fun and exciting. Be patient too, and if he has to leave the apartment against his will be comforting and reassuring.
Don't jump on the psych bandwagon just yet.
Unless you want the kid medicated for a normal fear.
It makes more sense than the monsters in my closet model.
I think its awesome you want to help. But its got to be done by the mom. Clearly, she needs to get him some help. It sounds like trauma. Many parents dont get help for the kid because they don't want to face the trauma themselves. But, all you can do is be a loving safe person for the child, and hopefully follow through with the plans the mom makes.
Ask him why he does not like their bathrooms? Are they not clean? If yes, to the clean then have the mom get some toilet seat covers and wipes so he doesn't have to use their items. Maybe when she took him to the potty he went into the big boys bathroom and saw something more than he should have (urinals). Who knows have the mother and you ask questions if she is concerned, if she is not then you need to let it go. Good Luck and thank you for helping out a mom that sounds like she needs help.
I agree that he may need professional help, if it is to the point where he will not leave the apartment. His parent needs to start calling child psychiatrists or child psychologists to set up an appointment ASAP.
Early intervention is very important in situations like this.
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