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I've always dreamed of living internationally. As a kid in the 80s, I was fascinated by movies and documentaries showing the Hong Kong, London, Tokyo sights.
I've enjoyed living outside the US for almost 15 years now, but this year I've seen the doors figuratively close in my face. I think I'm torturing myself pretending that I can do this anymore.
How do I cut off this lifestyle, my hobbies, my personality, that's been a part of me for so long? I can stay productive in life while being miserable-- like a zombie-- but I don't want my past life to eat away at me. What could I do to actually be in a good mood, while turning my back on the life that I wanted to live?
but this year I've seen the doors figuratively close in my face.
I think I'm torturing myself pretending that I can do this anymore.
Huh? It's up to you to be clear and not expect your audience to infer or project.
Perhaps just saying the problem clearly will offer the solution or insight you seek.
I need sponsorship from a company to live and work legally in a foreign country. It's just become more and more difficult to find another company that will hire me. I didn't do anything for the first half of 2014, except stay locked in my apartment, obsessing over finding work.
It just feels like I've burned my bridges, and it doesn't seem practical to keep playing this job-and-sponsorship hunting game anymore. I'm an American citizen. If I can find a job in the US, there's no more worries about sponsorship.
Time's have changed. The Hong Kong, London, Tokyo you once loved and dreamt of are no longer the same. They're illusory dreams of the past. You can have wishes and aspirations, but holding onto nostalgia can eventually hurt your soul if you keep holding onto the past without living in the present.
I know I dream a lot about living overseas elsewhere. I remember thinking about how fun life would be like in Hong Kong, but if you watch the news recently, you will know... it's kinda like people who lived in flood/tsunami areas.. the places they once grew up in love with are no longer there. They may be there, but not the same.
Change is a part of life.
Last edited by kat949; 11-03-2014 at 05:01 PM..
Reason: dang mispellings!!
How do I train myself to leave my life behind? My overseas friends? My hobbies and interests? I can physically do it, but I'm worried about going through life with no enthusiasm.
For example, when I was in a bad relationship, I cleaned the apartment we lived in, paid the bills, went out to dinner... it was like I was looking at a movie about myself. I was dead inside.
It's less about training yourself to do anything. Living life happily is more about flexibility and resilience.
The first you try to do is to accept the concept that life is change. Very little stays the same. You could be working in NY and then life changes and the next suitable job you find could be in LA , etc. You go, you adapt.
Take your hobbies with you. Hobbies can be done anywhere. Leaving friends is tough, but you stay in touch as best you can - Skype, Facebook, whatever. You're young, mid 30's right ? You get out and about and make new friends. Maybe through those hobbies.
What you don't do is go around all gloom and doom. That's a self fulfilling prophecy. If finding contract work in Japan has become increasingly difficult, then you take whatever steps you need to to stay employed. If that means moving back to the States then do it. It was a period in your life, close that door, open another one. You remember the good things, the good times and look forward to the next chapter in your life with enthusiasm. Don't look back, look forward.
Its fun to drop off the grid in another country and disappear however if you dont deal with life it will deal with you
I am right now visiting a place I lived 37 years ago
If I had stayed there I would have wasted my life
Grenelle france
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 11-03-2014 at 10:09 PM..
I don't know how to control my mood. I can and have dropped everything to do what I had to do, but sometimes that involved making harsh decisions that invade my thoughts and influence my personality to this day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind
Take your hobbies with you. Hobbies can be done anywhere. Leaving friends is tough, but you stay in touch as best you can - Skype, Facebook, whatever. You're young, mid 30's right ? You get out and about and make new friends. Maybe through those hobbies.
That point bothers me most. If the best course of action is to move forward, should that mean avoiding those hobbies that drew me to living overseas?
I feel as though I have to remake myself from the ground up, to cut ties and avoid being drawn back to my past lifestyle. Honestly, going on regular trips, to catch up on friends or old times, is a waste of money, and isn't going to break the cycle.
And yes, I'm "young" at 34.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
Its fun to drop off the grid in another country and disappear however if you dont deal with life it will deal with you
I am right now visiting a place I lived 37 years ago
If I had stayed there I would have wasted my life
Grenelle france
It is nice to not have publicly traceable records after age 18.
Perhaps you don't have to necessarily cut all ties to your past.. the past, present and future all relate to one another.. they may not be the same, but the past is a meaningful part of your experience.. maybe that's why you're feeling troubled about the thought of severing ties to your past.
In reality, you can't separate the past from who you are now, because it is also a motivator for where you want to be in the future.
I know in my past, I wanted to travel the world. I'm a year younger than you, and a lot of my dreams and aspirations have been put on hold because I have to pay back on my student loans. A lot of the times, I feel I'm going through the motions, and feel a bit depressed as a result. Some days are better than others.
I think the key thing is to feel inspired and to keep company around that help to make you feel good about yourself. There are people in your life that also help to remind you of who you are, where you want to be, because they're also integral and an important part of your past.. it all coincides- killing one part out of your life also means making drastic life decisions that creates turmoil. But, if your past was a painful reminder, then that's something you'll have to find answers for for yourself.. sounds like you're coming to terms with sadness and loss.. and how to cope with your pain to find inspiration and hope..
I think many people my age faced the same kinds of setbacks at the time that the recession hit. Professional, romantic, other losses that are relevant to the late-20s early-30s group. Older people in 2009 already have their families, and younger people hadn't found a soulmate or settled on a career yet. As a result, my age group probably shares a similarly negative outlook. A lot of events in that time frame weigh heavy on my conscience to this day. Things were fine before that.
Because of the massive distance and equally large cost of travel, if being connected internationally isn't something that I'm able to reasonably maintain, it might be better to leave it behind completely. There's a lot of reasons why I prefer the places I've lived over the US, which draws me to living there. It's almost addictive... or at least comfortable, because I've adapted to living overseas. Staying in close contact with friends is just going to take my mind off of settling in the US.
Maybe I should take time to find something about the US interests me, then sometime later down the line, I could revisit the places that I've lived (or travel elsewhere)
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