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Old 04-07-2014, 07:28 AM
 
Location: England
1 posts, read 823 times
Reputation: 10

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I have be abused.
When I was 11 my stepdad started to abuse me he told me that if j told anyone that they wouldn't believe me and that is exactly what happened.
When I was 8 my mum married my stepdad and I halted him he was always horrible to me and everything that happened was my fault even if I wasn't there. But my mum worshiped the ground that he walked on.
The abuse all started when I was 11. It was his 40th birthday party and he was drinking All day. He had said to me earlier that day that I best behave otherwise I will regret it. During the course of the evening he pulled me on do his lap and slid his hand up the back of my Tshirt and undone my bra. I instantly ran into the bathroom and done it back up and went back to the party but stayed away from my stepdad. I was going to tell my mum after the party as I didn't want to cause a scene I front of their friends. Later that night I was getting tired and went up to bed but I couldn't sleep as there was too much notice coming from down stairs. I went down to tell my Mum if sge could make everyone be quite enough so that I could get to sleep. Instead of going back upstairs I went and led down on the sofa and fell asleep (The party was outside). My stepdad came in and sat down too putting my legs onto his lap and then he stared to slid his hand up my leg to my intimate areas. I went to scream out and he put his hand over my mouth and said to me that if I tell anyone that they would not believe me. I don't know why but u complied with him and let him do what ever he wanted to do. That went on about once a week until I was 12 after that he then made me complete sexual acts to him and as he called it relayed the favour to me. I wanted it to stop and I began to rebel and stayed out late or even not go home at all just so that I didn't have to deal with my stepdad.
When I was 14 I hit pregnant by my stepdad and I had an abortion (I do not believe in them now and I'm sorry if it offends anyone, but I couldn't have my stepdads baby at the age of 14 ). My mum thought that I was sleeping with whoever that I could as I would not go home a lot of the time. That went in for years and slowly but surely my relationship with my mum was destroyed and she wouldn't even talk to ne when u was there as j was so secretive as to where and why I had been the night before.
At 15 just before my 16th birthday I found out that I was pregnant again however this time I kept the baby and hs his now a happy 3 year old. (he is my stepdads but he has no rights and not allowed to see him).
When I was 16 it stopped he didnt want to know anymore i told my boyfriend what my stepdad had been doing to me and we had a conversation about it for hours. We were both crying as it was a weight off of my shoulders and he didn't like was happening to me. He decided that he was going to to my mum and he had the next day off school to go to my house and talk to her while I was at school and when my stepdad was at work. When I got home I was confronted by my mum and asked if it was true. I told her everything and then she said to me that I was a lier and sick in the head for making up a story that could destroy so many lives.
With my boyfriend I went to the police and told then everything including the pregnancy and that he had videoed it on his video camera. I was taken home by a social worker and the police Arrested my stepdad, he was not allowed to come home for 3 months in that time my relationship with my mum had hit rock bottom and i had been taken into care. The police couldn't find enough evidence to charge my stepdad and that was the end of that there was nothing else that I could do. He had won and I was not living with my family so he could say what he liked and my mum would believe him.
After my son was born I had a DNA test done to prove that he was my stepdads and it of course came back that he was his and I went back to the police with the new evidence and he was arrested again and had to sign the sex offenders register. My mum still thinks that he fathered my son but didn't abuse me for 4 and a half years.
It all came out 4 years ago I am still with my boyfriend and I live on my own now. I know that it may seem wired that I had a boyfriend when all of this was going on but I had two seperate Lives one with my stepdad and my school life where I just wanted to fit in and be a normal teenager with friends and boyfriends. My relationship has still not improved with my mum and my stepdad is still around but now my mum is starting to see him for who he really is. I'm trying to move on with my life and be a good mum to my son hoping to move in with my boyfriend this year.
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Old 04-07-2014, 03:32 PM
 
1,035 posts, read 1,558,617 times
Reputation: 2155
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally Beagle
Shouldn't sexual abuse be uncommon, especially in childhood?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant View Post
It should be, but it's astoundingly common, and statistically is more likely to be perpetrated by relatives. They are the ones with the trust and the opportunity and the leverage.
This. It's unfortunate the number of people I've met and friends I have who were victims of sexual abuse as children and I can't remember any of them where the perpetrator wasn't a relative or a very close friend of the family that their family trusted to care for/be with them in their absence.
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Old 10-25-2016, 10:24 AM
 
1 posts, read 432 times
Reputation: 12
I am 48 years old. I still suffer from the effects of my adopted father sexually abusing me as a teen. I don't think I will ever get over it. Sometimes I just do not want to live anymore. My brother, my adoption, lives with me. He abused me also as a teen.

I have worked hard and have had 3 kids and we just paid cash for our second home. However, my oldest brother by adoption killed himself, my brother that lives with me is a drunk, my adopted mom passed away in 2013. All knew what my adopted father did to me but that did not believe me. Not one of them. Now my brother lives with me and is a alcoholic. I am trying my best to help him but having him here reminds me of my abuse both from him and my father.

I just do not know what to do anymore. My therapist wants me to actually share with her what went on. I can't. So many people have not believed me and she won't either. Everyone from the outside sees me as a very successful person and a happy person when I feel like I have been dying for longer than I can remember.
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Old 10-25-2016, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
18,907 posts, read 12,513,229 times
Reputation: 24413
Quote:
Originally Posted by itskillgme View Post
I am 48 years old. I still suffer from the effects of my adopted father sexually abusing me as a teen. I don't think I will ever get over it. Sometimes I just do not want to live anymore. My brother, my adoption, lives with me. He abused me also as a teen.

I have worked hard and have had 3 kids and we just paid cash for our second home. However, my oldest brother by adoption killed himself, my brother that lives with me is a drunk, my adopted mom passed away in 2013. All knew what my adopted father did to me but that did not believe me. Not one of them. Now my brother lives with me and is a alcoholic. I am trying my best to help him but having him here reminds me of my abuse both from him and my father.

I just do not know what to do anymore. My therapist wants me to actually share with her what went on. I can't. So many people have not believed me and she won't either. Everyone from the outside sees me as a very successful person and a happy person when I feel like I have been dying for longer than I can remember.
If you can't bring yourself to share your story with your therapist because you don't trust her, then I think you need to find a therapist you can trust.

I don't think you owe anything to a grown man who is now a drunk and once abused you. Kick him out. His being around can't be a good influence on your family.

You say you are in misery. I understand that you cannot speak about what you experienced, but I think your relief lies in doing that. Please find a way to share this with someone who can help you. I imagine this burden you carry influences your family, as well as dragging you down.

I am so sorry you have this terrible burden.
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Old 10-25-2016, 02:41 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,281,877 times
Reputation: 8481
Quote:
Originally Posted by itskillgme View Post
I am 48 years old. I still suffer from the effects of my adopted father sexually abusing me as a teen. I don't think I will ever get over it. Sometimes I just do not want to live anymore. My brother, my adoption, lives with me. He abused me also as a teen.

I have worked hard and have had 3 kids and we just paid cash for our second home. However, my oldest brother by adoption killed himself, my brother that lives with me is a drunk, my adopted mom passed away in 2013. All knew what my adopted father did to me but that did not believe me. Not one of them. Now my brother lives with me and is a alcoholic. I am trying my best to help him but having him here reminds me of my abuse both from him and my father.

I just do not know what to do anymore. My therapist wants me to actually share with her what went on. I can't. So many people have not believed me and she won't either. Everyone from the outside sees me as a very successful person and a happy person when I feel like I have been dying for longer than I can remember.
Does your therapist specialize in sexual trauma? If not, find one who does. Working with a therapist who specializes in this is your first step to moving on.
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Old 10-25-2016, 08:56 PM
 
1,953 posts, read 757,407 times
Reputation: 7794
No, it does not happen more frequently in step than "natural" families. It only gets REPORTED and PROSECUTED more often. And parents "keeping their eyes open" need to be watching relatives the most closely, followed by coaches and teachers and the like. Not strangers.

And reporting it and not being believed isn't the worst of it.

Try telling and being believed and being told its YOUR FAULT. And that you should be ashamed for not being more sympathetic to the poor perpetrator.

There's a reason why I do my level best to have nothing to do with my siblings. And its because they are horrible excuses for human beings, LOL!

And wait, there's something even worse. I had a friend who was abused and eventually impregnated by a "close friend of the family". She was 12 (13 by the time the baby was born).

Her parents blamed her (at 12), and in order to apologize and "make it right" by the "friend", forced her to marry him. Because Catholic. No abortion, no baby out of wedlock, better to force your 12 year old daughter to marry the 45 year old man who repeatedly raped her in her own bed from the time she was 8.

The only good thing was that he stopped having sex with her - because she wasn't a virginal little girl anymore. A 13-year-old mother was all used up and repugnant to him. She didn't divorce him nearly soon enough.

People are crazy.
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Old 10-25-2016, 09:14 PM
 
1,953 posts, read 757,407 times
Reputation: 7794
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrancescaC93 View Post
I have be abused. .... (snippage) ....
When I was 14 I hit pregnant by my stepdad and I had an abortion (I do not believe in them now and I'm sorry if it offends anyone, but I couldn't have my stepdads baby at the age of 14 ).
Sweety, you have nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for. Anyone who thinks ill of you for having an abortion at 14 is a moron with no sense of human decency whatsoever, especially in a case of familial abuse. Its still incest when a step-parent is the perpetrator. The power differential is the same, even worse when the other parent is emotionally and/or economically dependent on the perpetrator as their "last chance" for having a husband.

Compartmentalizing your life is the only way to survive such a trauma. Its not weird at all, it is totally normal.

I'm guessing you are British or in the UK at least and have access to mental health care. Get some counseling, it will help. You are not weird and you are not alone.

Last edited by Pyewackette; 10-25-2016 at 09:16 PM.. Reason: Because spelling
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Old 10-28-2016, 07:18 AM
 
25,474 posts, read 23,300,409 times
Reputation: 15335
I would like to bring to light, what most people do not know....
A child sex molester, goes after many children....it is a sickness that there is only a 1% cure rate....
in his lifetime, a child molester, will have had between 25 - 75 children?

Just thought you all should know....

And since I started this thread, I found out recently that the uncle that molested us girls, also raped his boys....pathetic.

He is dead now...and so is the aunt, but she knew b/c my one cousin told her she locked her door to keep dad out of her bedroom. My aunt never left him....

People do not realize the damage that is done to a child....and I don't think they care, b/c if they did, stiffer laws would be regulated....of course if it happens to them, it's a whole different story. This is why I refuse to go to church....churches should be talking about this, big time, and they don't. People get upset when you interfer with the protective plastic bubble they've built around them, called life.
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Old 10-30-2016, 01:12 AM
 
473 posts, read 284,499 times
Reputation: 324
LOADS is ignored by police if it involves someone wealthy. Can be VERY lucky you were not used for sex abuse for decades, well into adulthood with no way to leave. Some cities have policy to ruin the victims of some sex abuser by having cops get the victim into psych care and discredited, fired repeatedly until put on disability pay. Then nutty community members, frequently church hatemoners groups encouraged to stalk these victims as 'thieves', harass the victims anytime when caught out in public. Some DO develop PTSD (selective amnesia form) even from working around wealthy sex abuser/victim situations. Can have cops that covered up for 30 years or more of new victims being brought into sex abuse situations. Victims who went to politicians about long-term mental abuse of sex abuse victims and dirty police are currently being ignored....Obama had NO interest in this issue when brought to national govt attention in 2009.

Just better to avoid some of the wealthies and they just turn out to be a predator you cannot escape. Cops here were ruining victims for decades and allowing the sex abuse to keep hunting here. Children of these wealthy predators are left to deal with the abuse and find new 'friends' to handle the family secret as they grow up.
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Old 10-31-2016, 03:30 AM
 
7,811 posts, read 5,064,358 times
Reputation: 2972
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
I would like to bring to light, what most people do not know....
A child sex molester, goes after many children....it is a sickness that there is only a 1% cure rate....
in his lifetime, a child molester, will have had between 25 - 75 children?
What are the sources for these figures as they go against everything I have read in the subject. What I have read is that the majority of child sex molesters are known through close family to the victim. That is a father or uncle or cousin to the abused usually. And as such, these people have "had" over their life time one child. Not 25 and certainly not 75.

And to what do you refer when you discuss a "cure rate"? What cure? How is it implemented? How are you measuring the results? And where did you get the 1% from?
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