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Old 02-22-2008, 08:10 PM
 
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A thief takes your property, a molester takes a piece of your soul.
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Old 02-22-2008, 09:04 PM
 
2,546 posts, read 5,942,696 times
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Sometimes I wonder if I was sexually abused by my dad as a child or someone on his side of the family because I remember my mom telling me when I was older that she thought I might of been sexually abused by my dad but that she couldn't prove it because when I was little she said I use to draw pictures at 6 years old that a child shouldn't be drawing. So sometimes I wonder. I've heard that people sometimes block it out. I soppose the only way I could actually find out would be to go to a hypnotist and have them tell me.
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Old 02-22-2008, 09:12 PM
 
2,546 posts, read 5,942,696 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
I told my ex-husband flat out, "I would hate to have to shoot someone but I will if they touch my daughter".

We lived in Texas at the time.

I had a girlfriend in high school, her Father was a minister in the Seventh Day Adventist church. I worked as a dispatcher for the police department in town. I was working one day and the cheif of police asked me to type up a report that had been filed in its handwritten form. It turned out to be a report of my friends Father being arrested on a warrant for sexual abuse of a child out of a larger town near by.

I told my friend AND later her Mother about it. They had known he got arrested but he had lied to them about the subject. Thats when it came out that he had done this to children from his church. His wife left him and later told me she was sure he had done this to my friend, her daughter. She later tried to commit suicide.
Oh my goodness that is so completely horrible.
I was raised a Seventh Day Adventist.
Are you a Seventh Day Adventist?
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Old 02-22-2008, 09:42 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,607,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally Beagle View Post
Fast forward to adulthood, a co-worker's daughter was abused by her step-father of 6 weeks, whom my friend promptly divorced.

Shouldn't sexual abuse be uncommon, especially in childhood?
It is sick and more prevalent than imagined...especially now that everyone is coming forth to talk about it. If you, as a spouse, don't walk from the person perpetrating the abuse, then you are the bigger loser. Good for the lady above. What happened to the step? Hopefully, he has a criminal record by now. Does he? What a loser.

I have a friend who was abused. She is beautiful. Her pain ebbs and flows...many years later. I just listen, but don't know how to help...other than to listen. The only thing I tell her is that she can't blame herself...it was someone else's problems that brought it on. Her parents chose NOT to believe her.

I've either read the paper or watched stories on TV that were pretty bad.
(1)
Advice column: Boy about 17 writes in. Says that her mother's new boyfriend is forcing him to have sex with him when she's not around. She won't believe him. He asks what he should do. (You know what, the mother is a douche bag, don't you agree?) I hate to think of what that kid is doing now or where he is and the condition he is in.
(2)
Talk show: Woman, attractive, mid to late 30s is married to a man, handsome, about the same age...they are very well matched. She claims, because of incestual abuse, that is not doing very well at satisfying her husband's sexual needs. She goes into bathroom to throw up when sex begins. Women in the audience (very NYC) grab the microphone and say "I'll take care of you, honey" (talking to the husband). I mean, I think what she went through is tragic, but she also should have gotten counseling to keep this from infiltrating a good marriage. I wonder if they're still married.

I doubt that kids make up these stories. You gotta listen to them.
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Old 02-22-2008, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,093,084 times
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Your exactly right, unless someone feeds these kinds of details, children do not make up stories like this, they lack the experience to make them up.

Its sick and very sad.
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Old 02-22-2008, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,211 posts, read 15,050,588 times
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Those of you who already know my daughter's story can skip this post...

When I decided to divorce my husband, I was beaten down emotionally, and so I left the kids with him. They were young; my daughter was 5 and my son was 2. After a few months, they moved 400 miles away, so I only saw my kids three times a year (their birthdays and Christmas). Let me also add that I was paying my ex-husband child support!

Fast forward a few years, and after a very nice weekend together, my daughter announced that she wanted to live with me. I'm sure my ex thought I'd say "no", but I didn't, and I thank God to this day! It took her a year to tell me that he had molested her when she was 9, but he was evil enough to manipulate her into offering! Can't you just picture the load of guilt she was under?? When she told me that part (again, years later), she was crying. I told her that he was the supposed adult in that situation, and as such, he was supposed to have boundaries!

When she told me what had happened (a lot, short of actual penetration, because she was only 9 years old at the time, and he must have realized he could seriously hurt her physically), I went ballistic. I didn't sleep for three days, and I immediately began taking the steps necessary to bring him to justice. It got complicated, because of the different jurisdictions involved, but the end result is that he plea bargained and spent five years in prison.

How is my daughter now? She's a senior at Berkeley, majoring in psychology. She's an amazing young woman, even though she has obviously had a lot to overcome.

What is interesting to note is that the worst thing I ever did is to leave my kids with my ex in the first place. The best thing I ever did was rescue them years later! Funny how life works... (For the record, I didn't get my son back until my ex was arrested, unfortunately.)
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Old 02-22-2008, 11:21 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,607,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
She's a senior at Berkeley, majoring in psychology. She's an amazing young woman, even though she has obviously had a lot to overcome.
Whoa...baby...Berkeley. Berkeley, as a public institution, currently has an acceptance rate of 24% of its incoming freshman applicants. It is the most difficult to get into of all public universities in the US. With my high grades at a good L.A. Catholic HS and good SAT scores, I couldn't have gotten into Berkeley today...in the past, it was easier to do. Good going! It's fun to root for the one who pulled themselves up by their boot straps.

Were there any warning signs that your ex was a little bit toxic in the sexual department? Surely, now that you think back, in 20/20 hindsight, there were some clues that he wasn't firing on all cylinders.

Ok, digression, back to sexual abuse related topics...
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Old 02-23-2008, 12:19 AM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,393,687 times
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I have never been sexually abused as far as I can remember but I certainly feel sorry for the kids that had to go through that. I can imagine how hurtful and damaging it is to them.

I think the statistics are 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys. So it is somewhat common actually. I think it is usually commited by straight white men that are married. Isn't that very strange?

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Old 02-23-2008, 12:21 AM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,393,687 times
Reputation: 6945
hopefully she isn't psychologically scarred.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
Those of you who already know my daughter's story can skip this post...

When I decided to divorce my husband, I was beaten down emotionally, and so I left the kids with him. They were young; my daughter was 5 and my son was 2. After a few months, they moved 400 miles away, so I only saw my kids three times a year (their birthdays and Christmas). Let me also add that I was paying my ex-husband child support!

Fast forward a few years, and after a very nice weekend together, my daughter announced that she wanted to live with me. I'm sure my ex thought I'd say "no", but I didn't, and I thank God to this day! It took her a year to tell me that he had molested her when she was 9, but he was evil enough to manipulate her into offering! Can't you just picture the load of guilt she was under?? When she told me that part (again, years later), she was crying. I told her that he was the supposed adult in that situation, and as such, he was supposed to have boundaries!

When she told me what had happened (a lot, short of actual penetration, because she was only 9 years old at the time, and he must have realized he could seriously hurt her physically), I went ballistic. I didn't sleep for three days, and I immediately began taking the steps necessary to bring him to justice. It got complicated, because of the different jurisdictions involved, but the end result is that he plea bargained and spent five years in prison.

How is my daughter now? She's a senior at Berkeley, majoring in psychology. She's an amazing young woman, even though she has obviously had a lot to overcome.

What is interesting to note is that the worst thing I ever did is to leave my kids with my ex in the first place. The best thing I ever did was rescue them years later! Funny how life works... (For the record, I didn't get my son back until my ex was arrested, unfortunately.)
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Old 02-23-2008, 12:22 AM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,393,687 times
Reputation: 6945
sometimes they take your entire soul.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Driller1 View Post
A thief takes your property, a molester takes a piece of your soul.
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