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Old 02-22-2008, 11:24 PM
 
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I have nothing against most of what Christianity has to offer but a lot of the people in Churches are evil and narcissistic. It is scary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
I agree, and have a hard time wondering what in God's name is wrong with the people of this country, that they don't put these sicko's away for life....

reminds me of that movie, where the cop didn't believe the woman was rapped, or how it could even happen...and in the end, he was rapped by another man.....all of a sudden his entire personality changed along with his attitude on the subject...

....but to touch a child, is the lowest, absolute lowest, disgusting, henous crime...and yet, even the churches do not demand these nuts be put away...that is beyond my understanding. what I mean by that is that all religions rally together to demand we do something in this country to lesson the crime....

thanks so very much for your sensitivity on the subject, and thank you for hitting that man, your sister must be very greatful to you.

hugs
creme
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Old 02-22-2008, 11:41 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,518,778 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I think the statistics are 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys. So it is somewhat common actually. I think it is usually commited by straight white men that are married.
Art:

I had heard 1 in 7 women and 1 in 14 boys. Your number is scarier. In a movie theater or in line at the bank or at a shopping center.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7.....1,2,3,4,5,6,7.
Mindboggling...the residual damage is huge.

One of the things about handing down "scripts" is that people either do (1) the same thing, or (2) a 180 degree turn, from what they observed or were traumatized by. In this case, the person molested either (1) can have a tendency to be promiscuous, or (2) can be averse to sex. Generally, there will be a poor adjustment to healthy sexual relations because there has already been a violation of proper boundaries.
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Old 02-22-2008, 11:41 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,203 posts, read 15,012,809 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Were there any warning signs that your ex was a little bit toxic in the sexual department? Surely, now that you think back, in 20/20 hindsight, there were some clues that he wasn't firing on all cylinders.
Yes, in hindsight there were plenty of clues. How about this one? When she was only a baby, one time she sucked on her bottle so hard that the nipple came out, and formula went all over her. His reaction: "You're going to make some man very happy some day!" That went completely over my head as a warning sign until after the fact, of course. Sick, perverted you-know-what!!!

And to get back on topic, no, I was never sexually abused by a relative, but my father didn't have good parent/child boundaries. He had no problem telling me that he dreamed of me sexually, for instance. Oh, he never did anything, but just the information alone was creepy, and he could have kept that to himself!
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Old 02-23-2008, 12:14 AM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
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Personally, I think that all child molesters or rapists of any kind should be castrated.

These stats are scary.
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Old 02-23-2008, 05:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I have never been sexually abused as far as I can remember but I certainly feel sorry for the kids that had to go through that. I can imagine how hurtful and damaging it is to them.

I think the statistics are 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys. So it is somewhat common actually. I think it is usually commited by straight white men that are married. Isn't that very strange?

No, you can't imagine, and I mean no insult....but you simply can't imagine the ramifications. I married 3 times, and consider myself a pretty intelligent woman...so, so, yanno...anyway, all 3 men were loosers....we women from the time of the abuse, sometimes carry such a weight of guilt and shame, that we feel we deserve no better, so we gravitate toward people who will abuse us also....in my case, I think my real mother believed me, but my aunt banned me from the family and her kids....to this day, her kids have severe problems....I think, I got off pretty lucky...as I didn't live there, but, she, had to know what was going on. And I'll tell ya, I really, have to work hard not to hate her....I can't be around him....their one daughter hasn't talked to them for many years. That side of the family makes my blood curl.

I'm lucky in that from the time I was five years old, a women with three kids, who lived across the street took me in and treated me like her daughter. She just passed away, last November. She was my best friend, and she gave me stability, great respect for life and others....I tell you true, God must have really been watching over me....she told me that many times...and she would also tell me I was a very special person...which so helped my self exteem.

But no darlin, you can't even begin to imagine, unless you've been through it.

hugs to ya,
Creme
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Old 02-23-2008, 05:48 AM
 
Location: Portland, Maine
4,180 posts, read 12,762,256 times
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We are warned not to talk to strangers but most of this occurs with family or someone we know. When growing up, I had an older cousin who tried some stuff but didn't get very far. After his first attempt, I told him to knock it off or I would tell. But I knew I wouldn't tell because I didn't know how to approach it with my parents. Luckily he stopped.
I have a very good friend (female) who was molested by her uncle who happened to be a priest. She is now in her late 40s and it still affects her. I took a long road trip with her last summer. We went through the little town where all of it occured and she just broke down in the car and wept about it. This stuff can stick with you throughour your life.
Parents have to be very open about this with their children. There has to be a delicate balance because you don't want the child to fear everyone yet you have to somehow get the message across that it is okay to talk about things even if it is family.
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Old 02-23-2008, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,030,974 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
Yes, in hindsight there were plenty of clues. How about this one? When she was only a baby, one time she sucked on her bottle so hard that the nipple came out, and formula went all over her. His reaction: "You're going to make some man very happy some day!" That went completely over my head as a warning sign until after the fact, of course. Sick, perverted you-know-what!!!

And to get back on topic, no, I was never sexually abused by a relative, but my father didn't have good parent/child boundaries. He had no problem telling me that he dreamed of me sexually, for instance. Oh, he never did anything, but just the information alone was creepy, and he could have kept that to himself!
I am sick at my stomach at having read this and I want to harm your ex-husband. I think I would have put my hands right around his neck when he said that. I imagine you were desensetized to these kinds of things after the way your Father spoke to you. I am so sorry you and your children have been through this.

It makes me sick they someone can do this to a child and only get 5 years. That shows how little this society values our children. If the victims of pedophiles were grown white men, the outcome of their prosecution would be VERY different.
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Old 02-23-2008, 10:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
I am sick at my stomach at having read this and I want to harm your ex-husband. I think I would have put my hands right around his neck when he said that. I imagine you were desensetized to these kinds of things after the way your Father spoke to you. I am so sorry you and your children have been through this.

It makes me sick they someone can do this to a child and only get 5 years. That shows how little this society values our children. If the victims of pedophiles were grown white men, the outcome of their prosecution would be VERY different.
think about this....

chances are, his daughter wasn't the first little girl....and there were others after....plus....when he gets out, there will even be more.....

I've tried to talk about this to others at work....they look at me, like I'm some alien...why? Because they don't want to hear about it....they pretend to live in their own little perfect world and don't want to hear anything bad....I was ignored....and the conversation was quickly changed....people do not want to address this, let alone believe it....
very very sad....
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Old 02-23-2008, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,030,974 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
think about this....

chances are, his daughter wasn't the first little girl....and there were others after....plus....when he gets out, there will even be more.....

I've tried to talk about this to others at work....they look at me, like I'm some alien...why? Because they don't want to hear about it....they pretend to live in their own little perfect world and don't want to hear anything bad....I was ignored....and the conversation was quickly changed....people do not want to address this, let alone believe it....
very very sad....
OH I know, the need to abuse a child probably has something to do with why these people get married to begin with.

AND I have read its true that a child is MORE likely to be abused by a relative then a stranger because of access, pure and simple.
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Old 02-23-2008, 11:57 AM
 
206 posts, read 469,363 times
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Default What a Thread!!!!!!

My mother was adopted and given to a friend of the family. One day she was experiencing pain in her bottom. The lady who was supposed to be her step mom, picked her up, laid her on the bed and called the man who was supposed to be her step father to come and examine her. My mother said immediately after that happend he began to molest her.The lady didn't care as she was having an affair and refused to have sexual relations with this man anyway. He molested her from the time she was 5 years old - 17 years old, when she ran away from home, she also never sought conseling. Once she was old enough, she began to have a sexual relationship with this man for money and forgave him as if nothing ever happend, while married to my father. My father was a much older man, so she never really loved him. My mother married him for security alone. Once their marriage failed, she moved across town to get away from my father and met another man,which was a convicted child molester. As soon as my mother began dating this guy, everyone in the neighborhood who knew this man told her about him. My mother decided she would go over to visit him at his house one night, he restrained her and forced himself on her. One month later he moved in with her and my younger sisters. One Christmas my mother got intoxicated and went to sleep early, he told my sister, which was 14 years old at the time. He wanted to know what she wanted for Christmas, because he wanted her for Christmas. My sister was afraid to tell my mother. I was older and had already moved out of the house, my sister told me what had taken place. I told my mother i needed to talk to them both right then and there. He didn't have anything to say, my mother said that my sister was lying. Eventually my father got custody of my sister and began living with me. To this day my sister blame me for them being taken away from my mother, but i have a piece of mind knowing i did what was right. My sister and i had a conversation the other day, because i was tired of her acting as if i was the cause of her downfalls in life. I got it straight with her, that the child protection employee had given my mother the choice to ask this man to leave the house and she refused to get rid of him, so there for i didn't choose; she chose him.

Last edited by PhenomenalWoman; 02-23-2008 at 12:01 PM.. Reason: missed a word
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