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Old 02-23-2008, 12:36 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,513,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
OH I know, the need to abuse a child probably has something to do with why these people get married to begin with.

AND I have read its true that a child is MORE likely to be abused by a relative then a stranger because of access, pure and simple.
Maybe we should ask what is it, to begin with, that makes youngsters attractive to people who (want to) abuse them? What is the psychological profile of this person?

What would be so interesting about a person who has NOT reached sexual maturity and is sexually INexperienced? I don't get it...unless it's a CONTROL issue. That seems to be the buzz-word in pop psychology these days...
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Old 02-23-2008, 12:41 PM
 
25,454 posts, read 23,266,873 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoebecressy1 View Post
My mother was adopted and given to a friend of the family. One day she was experiencing pain in her bottom. The lady who was supposed to be her step mom, picked her up, laid her on the bed and called the man who was supposed to be her step father to come and examine her. My mother said immediately after that happend he began to molest her.The lady didn't care as she was having an affair and refused to have sexual relations with this man anyway. He molested her from the time she was 5 years old - 17 years old, when she ran away from home, she also never sought conseling. Once she was old enough, she began to have a sexual relationship with this man for money and forgave him as if nothing ever happend, while married to my father. My father was a much older man, so she never really loved him. My mother married him for security alone. Once their marriage failed, she moved across town to get away from my father and met another man,which was a convicted child molester. As soon as my mother began dating this guy, everyone in the neighborhood who knew this man told her about him. My mother decided she would go over to visit him at his house one night, he restrained her and forced himself on her. One month later he moved in with her and my younger sisters. One Christmas my mother got intoxicated and went to sleep early, he told my sister, which was 14 years old at the time. He wanted to know what she wanted for Christmas, because he wanted her for Christmas. My sister was afraid to tell my mother. I was older and had already moved out of the house, my sister told me what had taken place. I told my mother i needed to talk to them both right then and there. He didn't have anything to say, my mother said that my sister was lying. Eventually my father got custody of my sister and began living with me. To this day my sister blame me for them being taken away from my mother, but i have a piece of mind knowing i did what was right. My sister and i had a conversation the other day, because i was tired of her acting as if i was the cause of her downfalls in life. I got it straight with her, that the child protection employee had given my mother the choice to ask this man to leave the house and she refused to get rid of him, so there for i didn't choose; she chose him.
you were absolutely right to do what you did....and thank goodness for you....it's awful hard for me, not to instantly hate men like that...I guess it runs to deep...I think if I saw someone abusing a child..well, lets just say, it be better for them that I didn't. Even animals don't act like that...God bless you

hugs
creme
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Old 02-23-2008, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,026,539 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Maybe we should ask what is it, to begin with, that makes youngsters attractive to people who (want to) abuse them? What is the psychological profile of this person?

What would be so interesting about a person who has NOT reached sexual maturity and is sexually INexperienced? I don't get it...unless it's a CONTROL issue. That seems to be the buzz-word in pop psychology these days...
From what I understand it is a control issue, they even con themselves into believing the child wants it, is flirting with them, their minds are just sick.

Profile Of A Pedophile (http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=273 - broken link)

Here is one site I found just by googling psychological profile pedophile. I think its a good thing to understand.

I used to belong to an athiest group, one guy used his athiesm to justify being a sick SOB. He said that 12 and 13 year old girls were sexually aware and he saw no reason HE a 30 year old man should not be able to have sex with them. I believe my response is something the MODS would not appreciate me putting here but you can imagine. I of course resigned from the group.

Its amazing what people can con themselves into believing in order to justify their SICK actions.
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Old 02-24-2008, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
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They do justify it inside their own head, I guess they have to to have some type of peace with their actions. I've heard that before "the kid was asking for it, she/he flirted with me, came on to me"...
And the fact it happens with a relative or parent or sibling, ruins the trust for the victim, if you can't even trust your family, then who can you trust...it's a horrible situation.
No amount of counseling/therapy can ever fix it for the victim.
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Old 02-24-2008, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,026,539 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieZ View Post
They do justify it inside their own head, I guess they have to to have some type of peace with their actions. I've heard that before "the kid was asking for it, she/he flirted with me, came on to me"...
And the fact it happens with a relative or parent or sibling, ruins the trust for the victim, if you can't even trust your family, then who can you trust...it's a horrible situation.
No amount of counseling/therapy can ever fix it for the victim.
Dr. Phil did a show recently, if you want to look inside the mind of a pedophile, watch it. The husband was abusing the step daughter and the Mother knew about it. She blamed the child as if she was the other woman. Dr. Phil got more upset then I have ever seen him and frankly I saw little resolution over the issue. Everyone blamed the victim except Dr. Phil and the audience.
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Old 02-24-2008, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
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I have a hard time knowing what Dr. Phil show will be on here in Europe, they're months behind ..
I bet lots of mothers know what's going on but decide to remain in denial; some mothers are worse than the predator fathers by "protecting" them with silence or they don't want to disturb their "happy home". Gosh, what would the neighbours say? They may even think she's not doing her wifely duty so the husband has to get it elsewhere...
Maybe some mothers feel the fact the father molests the daughter is better than if he went outside the home. However abnormal that sounds.
I've heard of a father killing his daughter when she wanted to marry and move out, he figured she was his and no other man could have her.
IMO, any mother who knows and does nothing deserves the same punishment as the father.
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Old 02-24-2008, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,026,539 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieZ View Post
I have a hard time knowing what Dr. Phil show will be on here in Europe, they're months behind ..
I bet lots of mothers know what's going on but decide to remain in denial; some mothers are worse than the predator fathers by "protecting" them with silence or they don't want to disturb their "happy home". Gosh, what would the neighbours say? They may even think she's not doing her wifely duty so the husband has to get it elsewhere...
Maybe some mothers feel the fact the father molests the daughter is better than if he went outside the home. However abnormal that sounds.
I've heard of a father killing his daughter when she wanted to marry and move out, he figured she was his and no other man could have her.
IMO, any mother who knows and does nothing deserves the same punishment as the father.
If your interested, you can check out his website Dr. Phil.com
There is a section where people discuss the shows and so forth.
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Old 02-24-2008, 02:31 PM
 
25,573 posts, read 23,763,548 times
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I personally have never experienced any abuse at all, as a kid, but hear of many people who have. My question is, how can one live with themselves after theyve abused their little kid/niece, nephew, cousin, whatever?
I used to know a girl, she was my oldest daughters babysitter, until one day she tried to o.d on her moms valium and rum. She was only 16. Her reason? Her brother raped her, got her pregnant and her dad didnt want to believe her, kept accusing of her 'running around' with guys at school (totally untrue). I couldnt have her around my baby after that incident, not knowing what she may be capable of doing. Dont know whatever happened to her afterwards, but I hear she had to find some dr out in L.A who would do abortions after 5 months of pregnancy...
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Old 02-24-2008, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,026,539 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Power Surge View Post
I personally have never experienced any abuse at all, as a kid, but hear of many people who have. My question is, how can one live with themselves after theyve abused their little kid/niece, nephew, cousin, whatever?
I used to know a girl, she was my oldest daughters babysitter, until one day she tried to o.d on her moms valium and rum. She was only 16. Her reason? Her brother raped her, got her pregnant and her dad didnt want to believe her, kept accusing of her 'running around' with guys at school (totally untrue). I couldnt have her around my baby after that incident, not knowing what she may be capable of doing. Dont know whatever happened to her afterwards, but I hear she had to find some dr out in L.A who would do abortions after 5 months of pregnancy...
Thats another story of where the parents blame the victim because they can't believe the son is a sicko. How sad.
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Old 02-24-2008, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
4,851 posts, read 8,318,483 times
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Smile The past

Reading all these posts - wow! Sometimes, I feel shows like "To Catch A Predator" just make it worse.

I was never abused by a family member and was quite naive. When I was around 15 and a sophomore in high school, I was working for my father at a country club. I went there right after school - around 3:30 PM and left with him around 2 AM. I did book work, took care of reservations, and when I was done, homework. I was getting all A's b/c I had so much time to study. The offices were downstairs and it was carpeted so you could not hear if someone was coming down the steps. I felt very safe. My dad had this maitre'd working there - he seemed old, prob in his 50's with a moustache - his name was Pierre. Very late one night, he came down to the office, pinned me up against the wall, tried to kiss me and more and I was hitting him and finally I got loose, ran up the stairs - of course, at 15, I was faster than him so...I got upstairs, lots of people there, couldn't really say anything, went and hid in the women's bathroom for a while. The next day, we were on our way there - I got up the courage to tell my dad. Well, I don't know the details but he was fired on the spot.

About a year after that, my dad lost everything financially and tried many business deals after that to regain some money. He needed my help, I went to work (2 jobs) and supported my parents for years - and still support my mom to this day. I never really analyzed why I felt so obligated to do that until I read these posts but I think I felt indebted to my dad for saving me from this monster!

And yes, I personally believe men who do this to children - (3 strikes, you're out) - should be castrated. Sorry, guys!
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