What is Up With Me? (husband, syndrome, complex, issues)
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"-I am very sensitive to external stimuli: noise, sound, light, temperature, abrasive clothes... I have trouble with all of it. I literally shut down in crowds and get migraines from chaos. Lights have to be fairly dim and I can't concentrate in noise. Open office plans are out of the question."
This is likely sensory processing disorder, google it and see if it fits. But it is only part of the picture. It could be an issue with autism spectrum. All of those could just be depression and anxiety. Best thing to do is get help. A good therapist wont push meds and leave that decision up to you(although meds can be a lifesaver)
"-I am very sensitive to external stimuli: noise, sound, light, temperature, abrasive clothes... I have trouble with all of it. I literally shut down in crowds and get migraines from chaos. Lights have to be fairly dim and I can't concentrate in noise. Open office plans are out of the question."
This is likely sensory processing disorder, google it and see if it fits. But it is only part of the picture. It could be an issue with autism spectrum. All of those could just be depression and anxiety. Best thing to do is get help. A good therapist wont push meds and leave that decision up to you(although meds can be a lifesaver)
Exactly. It is possible to overcome/adapt to some sensory issues. Meds will help relieve some symptoms while dealing with issues. The right therapist can help. I'm sorry I can't advise you and wish you well.
I'm starting to have some real issues with feeling like I'm broken and undesirable. Sometimes I want to go to therapy to see what the heck, but it's very expensive. I've also gone before with zero success. I went in college and they just told me to get anti-depressants. I don't like drugs and as time passed it turned out I didn't need anti-depressants, just a better school with a better writing program to feel like I had purpose. But back then I couldn't articulate that because I didn't know that yet. All I could say was, "I hate my life, I can't drag myself to class and I wish I was dead." The therapist couldn't help because she had an incomplete picture of pure self-reporting, which can easily be tinged with misremembering, general bias, incomplete self-perception and ideas from what I read recently. Plus I'm very awkward verbally. So I'm slow to trust therapy.
Still, I need to know what's wrong. Is there anyone who can point me to some resources based on the following issues?
-The biggest thing is I have trouble forming connections with people. I'm extremely introverted, shy and I dislike small talk. This has become a huge issue on the job front (I'm unemployed), as I can't schmooze, network and generally suck up in interviews. I've tried. Hard. I've failed 40 interviews in the past six months. That's a big part of why I feel so broken lately.
-I am very sensitive to external stimuli: noise, sound, light, temperature, abrasive clothes... I have trouble with all of it. I literally shut down in crowds and get migraines from chaos. Lights have to be fairly dim and I can't concentrate in noise. Open office plans are out of the question.
-I have to fight back panic attacks over the smallest things, usually change: a new computer, a moved stack of books, a cleaned room, etc. I have dizzy spells before social gatherings and insomnia when I'm facing ambiguous situations like a new freelance assignment.
-I'm physically clumsy and feel "off" in my own body.
-I hate authority. I hate it. I resented school and felt it was 20 years of people telling me I'm reading the wrong books and learning the wrong things at the wrong time. I've voluntarily left 17 jobs, got laid off from the last one last May. Worked there 2 years, butted heads with my idiot boss the whole time. Now I resent even the needling, pointless and overly invasive questions in job interviews. I see all my interviewers as pompous, incompetent or, at best, robotic drones.
- I get bored very easily and am very impatient. Quit a filing job once after 8 hours for the tediousness of it.
-I've been everywhere on the academic spectrum. In grade school I was in Special Ed for acting out and underperforming. In middle school I got all A’s and was put in honors classes. Honor roll in high school, graduated with a 3.9 GPA from college, majored in writing. I love to write, very poor in math. I read obsessively (then and now).
- I have a problem with standardized testing. If I'm timed and/or watched, I shut down and blank. I got mostly A's but a 22 on the ACT.
- The only time I like to talk to people is about ideas, geek culture, fiction (mostly sci fi) or video games. I'm female, so this has made me an outsider. Most females I've met are small, gossipy types. Did I mention I'm bluntly offensive? I test INTJ on the Myers-Briggs.
-I'm an only child of demanding achievement-based parents. As such, I'm always down on myself and never think I live up to expectations. I defied all my mom's expectations. (I'm not a girly girl, demonstrably emotional and share no interests with my folks. I fake a small interest in gossip and it's how I get by with family. I don't visit much.)
I know this is the internet and you can't make psychological diagnoses, but any ideas or resources would be appreciated. I've Googled all this and I get everything from anxiety/depression to Autism to unrecognized intellectual “giftedness” to being an "indigo child" (lol to that last one). I feel like I'm getting random snippets of Internet diarrhea on this. I need humans to look at the picture as complete as I can report it. Thank you!
If you want a formal eval, most psychotherapists diagnose along 5 axis:
Some are very anti-diagnosing people; they are traditionally humanistic/feminist therapists (in practice) from previous generations (prior to managed care).
Anyway, sounds like you could be dealing with ADD/Depression. Your depression seems more situational than it is biological. It could be biologically based.
If you want a more holistic approach to healing, and I would emphasize on healing rather than labeling yourself as a disease- focus on your positive qualities, strengths, traits, and talents. Who are you? What do you represent? Who were your inspirations growing up? What moves you?
Even more importantly- how is your diet? How is your support system (family and friends- got toxic friends? get rid of them. Have family issues? talk to them, re-build your relationships. you mentioned stunted communication w/the folks- talk to them, get to know them, they were once your age too, ask them about their lives). Are you eating an abundance sugars/carbs (some like natural/unprocessed are good, but not too much as it causes Alzheimer's/dementia).
If you want a holistic approach to healing, you need a whole lifestyle change aka self-care. It's easy to get burnt out, jaded, and hard on oneself, and exacerbate the negatives when you are at your lowest low, but in the end, you'll get to the point where you're so fed up with being tired/let down where you finally find the answers for yourself, and you begin to make changes. This happens on all levels, including your health, what you're feeding your mind, what you're saying to yourself, who you allow in your personal space, and how you deal with stress/conflict. One day at a time!
Last edited by kat949; 11-12-2014 at 11:06 AM..
Reason: dang spell-check:abidance?
Thank you for all your replies. However, for those of you demanding I go to therapy, I have explained my reasons for not going above. Let me reemphasize my deep mistrust of it: I have not been helped by it and I have seen therapy and drugs do more harm to people than good (within the family).
In extreme circumstances I believe it can be helpful. I’ve heard of people who are so OCD they physically can’t leave their bathrooms. They need drugs and help. If you’re on the basically functioning oddball end, I think therapy is overkill.
If there’s one thing humanity is good at, it’s taking everything too far. Psychiatry is no exception: we live in an era of disorders. You’re not an individual, you’re a string of data to be fit into a check list, labeled and medicated. Sad in the fall? Seasonal Effective, take drugs. Don’t get along with your teacher? Oppositional Defiance, take drugs. Meanwhile, therapists and pharmaceutical companies collect billions. There’s always a man behind the curtain, and he’s holding your money.
I know you pro-therapy people are trying to help, but if I believed in therapy, I’d be there already. Not posting here.
The bag of labels and disorders I’ve gotten are amusing. Across several boards I’ve been theorized to have: anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, schizoid disorder, “paranoid personality disorder” (that’s a new one to me), high functioning autism, social anxiety, ADD, OCD and anti-social personality disorder. Rest assured, if I had all those, I’d already be locked up after killing several people.
There are several functioning things about me:
-I have managed to hold a number of jobs for over 2 years, most ended for normal reasons: school changes, schedule changes, dangerous working conditions thanks to clumsy new management, company reorganizations, company closures. I’ve just also done a fair share of foolish job hopping, many times taking jobs I shouldn’t have out of desperation. -I’m married and live away from my parents- I can handle one or two close relationships at a time. -I’m a writer by trade and love what I do, it’s just challenging to find work that doesn’t underpay you. It gets stressful. That has led me to apply to several admin jobs, a career I don’t have much of a temperament for (too much people interaction). I’m currently trying to build my freelance writing into a full-time business because I believe the home office and separation from office politics would suit me. I’m great at communicating through email and can handle light phone work. I’ve gotten a couple clients who like my writing, I just need more stable gigs. -I love to read, consider myself very witty and take pride in intellectual self-improvement.
I came looking mainly for holistic resources, which some of you have been great in providing. My deepest thanks for that.
I just wanted to outline a few of the things I’ve learned through research, these forums and life for anyone else going through similar issues:
-The system will do whatever it can to tell you that you need it to function, that you are helpless without it, whoever you are. If you can function for the most part (commute, cook, graduate, fake social situations enough to get by), and your biggest issue is that you feel like you just “don’t belong,” “don’t fit into society” or “don’t feel like you’re from Earth,” don’t let anyone tell you it’s you. You’re an individual and you’re unique for a reason. It’s them, not you. Find out what makes you tick and pursue that wholeheartedly.
-Books people have recommended along the way: The Highly Sensitive Person, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Mind Over Mood
-Eat right, exercise and take a good multivitamin. It’s nature’s anti-depressant.
-Look into meditation. You’ll be surprised how well it will train the mind and allow you to control your own mood.
-Whenever you feel paralyzed by self-doubt, do something productive. It’ll be hard and take practice, but do it. Learn a new skill, practice a hobby, do yard work. Doing things feels better than not doing them. That seems trite, but once I realized that taking risks and leaving my comfort zone was less of a scary prospect then wallowing in uselessness on the couch, it changed my activities. I fight back panic attacks in relation to these activities, but the key here is that I fight them.
-Many times, your depression is trying to tell you something. You may be in a wrong situation, not following your true dream, be in a rut or denying yourself the possibility to learn new things. I’ve had this happen and I came out the other side WITHOUT drugs by reflecting and realizing what I needed, then taking action. Sometimes someone close may have to help you with this processes. Mind, I’m talking about that horrible malaise that taints your day most days. NOT major depression that prevents you from doing what you love and turns you into an emotionally empty sack, despite a loving family, a great career and a DVR filled with your favorite shows. But sometimes sadness means something besides reaching for the happy pills. I feel like not enough people understand that these days.
-The true point where I felt mature was when I fully realized how transitory life is. Life happens in cycles: there’s good times, there’s crappy times. The crappy times mean the good times have a chance to come again. Childishness says, “This is horrible and will last forever!” Maturity says, “I can get through this. Tomorrow is a chance for things to be better.”
Thank you for all your replies. However, for those of you demanding I go to therapy, I have explained my reasons for not going above. Let me reemphasize my deep mistrust of it: I have not been helped by it and I have seen therapy and drugs do more harm to people than good (within the family).
In extreme circumstances I believe it can be helpful. I’ve heard of people who are so OCD they physically can’t leave their bathrooms. They need drugs and help. If you’re on the basically functioning oddball end, I think therapy is overkill.
You're not basically functioning. Quitting 17 jobs and having 40 interviews without a job offer is a extreme circumstances.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astralwolf37
I know you pro-therapy people are trying to help, but if I believed in therapy, I’d be there already. Not posting here.
It could be the only thing that helps you. You wouldn't have started this thread if you didn't realize you need help. Therapy and drugs could be the only thing that helps you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astralwolf37
The bag of labels and disorders I’ve gotten are amusing. Across several boards I’ve been theorized to have: anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, schizoid disorder, “paranoid personality disorder” (that’s a new one to me), high functioning autism, social anxiety, ADD, OCD and anti-social personality disorder. Rest assured, if I had all those, I’d already be locked up after killing several people.
You very well can have many of those labels all at once. It's not uncommon to suffer more than one mental illness, and they tend to pile up on each other if left untreated. Many personality disorders are the result of untreated mental illnesses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astralwolf37
There are several functioning things about me
You should have shared these things in your first post. Even people with mental illness can function at this level and not walk out on 17 jobs and get an interview within just a few interviews. Your functioning is no proof that you don't need serious help.
As for the rest of your post, you are hardly in a position to give people advice.
Thank you for all your replies. However, for those of you demanding I go to therapy, I have explained my reasons for not going above. Let me reemphasize my deep mistrust of it: I have not been helped by it and I have seen therapy and drugs do more harm to people than good (within the family).
In extreme circumstances I believe it can be helpful. I’ve heard of people who are so OCD they physically can’t leave their bathrooms. They need drugs and help. If you’re on the basically functioning oddball end, I think therapy is overkill.
If there’s one thing humanity is good at, it’s taking everything too far. Psychiatry is no exception: we live in an era of disorders. You’re not an individual, you’re a string of data to be fit into a check list, labeled and medicated. Sad in the fall? Seasonal Effective, take drugs. Don’t get along with your teacher? Oppositional Defiance, take drugs. Meanwhile, therapists and pharmaceutical companies collect billions. There’s always a man behind the curtain, and he’s holding your money.
I know you pro-therapy people are trying to help, but if I believed in therapy, I’d be there already. Not posting here.
The bag of labels and disorders I’ve gotten are amusing. Across several boards I’ve been theorized to have: anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, schizoid disorder, “paranoid personality disorder” (that’s a new one to me), high functioning autism, social anxiety, ADD, OCD and anti-social personality disorder. Rest assured, if I had all those, I’d already be locked up after killing several people.
There are several functioning things about me:
-I have managed to hold a number of jobs for over 2 years, most ended for normal reasons: school changes, schedule changes, dangerous working conditions thanks to clumsy new management, company reorganizations, company closures. I’ve just also done a fair share of foolish job hopping, many times taking jobs I shouldn’t have out of desperation. -I’m married and live away from my parents- I can handle one or two close relationships at a time. -I’m a writer by trade and love what I do, it’s just challenging to find work that doesn’t underpay you. It gets stressful. That has led me to apply to several admin jobs, a career I don’t have much of a temperament for (too much people interaction). I’m currently trying to build my freelance writing into a full-time business because I believe the home office and separation from office politics would suit me. I’m great at communicating through email and can handle light phone work. I’ve gotten a couple clients who like my writing, I just need more stable gigs. -I love to read, consider myself very witty and take pride in intellectual self-improvement.
I came looking mainly for holistic resources, which some of you have been great in providing. My deepest thanks for that.
I just wanted to outline a few of the things I’ve learned through research, these forums and life for anyone else going through similar issues:
-The system will do whatever it can to tell you that you need it to function, that you are helpless without it, whoever you are. If you can function for the most part (commute, cook, graduate, fake social situations enough to get by), and your biggest issue is that you feel like you just “don’t belong,” “don’t fit into society” or “don’t feel like you’re from Earth,” don’t let anyone tell you it’s you. You’re an individual and you’re unique for a reason. It’s them, not you. Find out what makes you tick and pursue that wholeheartedly.
-Books people have recommended along the way: The Highly Sensitive Person, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Mind Over Mood
-Eat right, exercise and take a good multivitamin. It’s nature’s anti-depressant.
-Look into meditation. You’ll be surprised how well it will train the mind and allow you to control your own mood.
-Whenever you feel paralyzed by self-doubt, do something productive. It’ll be hard and take practice, but do it. Learn a new skill, practice a hobby, do yard work. Doing things feels better than not doing them. That seems trite, but once I realized that taking risks and leaving my comfort zone was less of a scary prospect then wallowing in uselessness on the couch, it changed my activities. I fight back panic attacks in relation to these activities, but the key here is that I fight them.
-Many times, your depression is trying to tell you something. You may be in a wrong situation, not following your true dream, be in a rut or denying yourself the possibility to learn new things. I’ve had this happen and I came out the other side WITHOUT drugs by reflecting and realizing what I needed, then taking action. Sometimes someone close may have to help you with this processes. Mind, I’m talking about that horrible malaise that taints your day most days. NOT major depression that prevents you from doing what you love and turns you into an emotionally empty sack, despite a loving family, a great career and a DVR filled with your favorite shows. But sometimes sadness means something besides reaching for the happy pills. I feel like not enough people understand that these days.
-The true point where I felt mature was when I fully realized how transitory life is. Life happens in cycles: there’s good times, there’s crappy times. The crappy times mean the good times have a chance to come again. Childishness says, “This is horrible and will last forever!” Maturity says, “I can get through this. Tomorrow is a chance for things to be better.”
My, how times have changed! All this ^^^ proves is that you are a skilled manipulator.
This is called "two sides of the same coin."
In your first post, you give us all "the bad news" and describe yourself as broken and undesirable. NOW that you've gotten some earnest advice from people who bothered to read your thread (but apparently hit too close to home), suddenly you're an upstanding citizen who works out and repeats positive affirmations while looking with disdain upon the help offered.
I have a feeling you know damn well what you need. Just go get it.
My, how times have changed! All this ^^^ proves is that you are a skilled manipulator.
This is called "two sides of the same coin."
In your first post, you give us all "the bad news" and describe yourself as broken and undesirable. NOW that you've gotten some earnest advice from people who bothered to read your thread (but apparently hit too close to home), suddenly you're an upstanding citizen who works out and repeats positive affirmations while looking with disdain upon the help offered.
The term you are looking for, Hopes, is "bait and switch," and no, I was not looking to waste anyone's time. And if I was some sort of manipulator, Wmsn4Life, I'd be off working for the government.
I stated outright in my first post that I was slow to trust therapy, my reasons why and that I was looking for resources, meaning something along the holistic lines. Then you two get your undies in a knot because I don't exactly agree with your worldview. What's worse, when I try to self-assess, offer additional information and offer advice from myself and others, you resort to name calling.
What I was looking for was something along kat949's response, who took the time to carefully read my post, understand where I was coming from and offer alternatives to traditional therapy. Thank you for that kat949. You're one of the people who understands that the world is not divided into the three categories of mentally sick people, normals and traditional therapy.
The mistake was mine. I should have posted to a more holistic forum devoted to the anti-psychiatry movement; there are plenty of more supportive resources out there that don't assume I'm a manipulative sociopath. Though for the record, this is a living example of what I deal with from time to time with being socially awkward and making missteps like this. I've had people assume that I'm not just awkward and hard to understand, I must be an anti-social manipulator bent on pulling the strings of everyone around me. Why else would I show no emotion and be such a pain?
If I had to put money on a certifiable diagnosis, I'd say Asperger's (high functioning autism) as well. I've wondered for years. All I was saying above is that the wide array of guesses at conditions and our society of over-diagnosis is absurd (BTW, add PTSD to the list from another board, despite no serious trauma in my past).
However, I am not ready to go in for a diagnosis at this juncture. For one thing, I'd wonder if the diagnosis would even be true. Do I have it, or did I just unconsciously self-report the condition? Am I already forming my self-perception around the paradigm? Will it be like the first therapist, who thought I had biological depression, even though I know I didn't but may have accidentally described it that way. (I still don't agree. I was there. I know myself somewhat.) And if I do have it, what good would the label do? Why would I not just work to moderate my environment to make the idiosyncrasies I already know I possess more manageable? Why would I not just find the holistic resources to help with the symptoms? I just posted to see if I could find some of the resources I had missed, jeez people.
The term you are looking for, Hopes, is "bait and switch"
No. I meant bait. It's an internet term.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astralwolf37
The mistake was mine. I should have posted to a more holistic forum...
There is an alternative medicine forum on CD.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astralwolf37
If I had to put money on a certifiable diagnosis, I'd say Asperger's (high functioning autism) as well. I've wondered for years...
However, I am not ready to go in for a diagnosis at this juncture. For one thing, I'd wonder if the diagnosis would even be true. Do I have it, or did I just unconsciously self-report the condition? Am I already forming my self-perception around the paradigm? Will it be like the first therapist, who thought I had biological depression, even though I know I didn't but may have accidentally described it that way. (I still don't agree. I was there. I know myself somewhat.) And if I do have it, what good would the label do? Why would I not just work to moderate my environment to make the idiosyncrasies I already know I possess more manageable? Why would I not just find the holistic resources to help with the symptoms? I just posted to see if I could find some of the resources I had missed, jeez people.
I know quite a few very successful people with Asperger's---a lawyer, a doctor, and a successful business owner who employees approximately 75 people. You could benefit from a diagnosis even at this late age because it can help you learn how to interact with others better. I know you're not overall interested in that on a daily basis, but it most certainly will help you in situations you want an interaction to work out to your advantage.
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Rest assured, if I had all those, I’d already be locked up after killing several people. 
