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OP here. Ok here's the scoop. We were actually friends originally. But then he developed feelings for me. I told him that we could only be friends, especially since I was taken. But I promised him that we could remain friends. I wasn't about to cast him away just because he had normal human feelings and had the courage to be honest about them.
So for a few years, I remained friends with him. Sometimes he would remind me of his feelings, but I gently changed the subject. It slightly and subtly escalated, but I didn't really recognize this as a red flag yet.
But recently, a couple of months ago, **** started getting real. He started demanding explanations, started making accusations, started calling and texting nonstop.
As advised by my husband, I tried to calm him down by reasoning with him, and convincing him to date others. I didn't see him as a stalker at that point, more like a friend who was just being overemotional.
That didn't work.
Then I tried slowly and subtly dwindling away on contact, in hopes that I could get him to forget about me.
That didn't work.
So I wrote him a formal letter requesting that he stop contacting me. And that's when I completely stopped responding to him at all.
It hasn't been working though. If anything, it's made things worse. Now he's escalating to namecalling, etc.
TLDR version: He was my friend originally. And it was probably inaccurate to imply that he was stalking me for years. The real stalking behavior has been going on for a few months.
Last edited by ohhwanderlust; 11-13-2014 at 10:56 AM..
OP here. Ok here's the scoop. We were actually friends originally. But then he developed feelings for me. I told him that we could only be friends, especially since I was taken. But I promised him that we could remain friends. I wasn't about to cast him away just because he had normal human feelings and had the courage to be honest about them.
So for a few years, I remained friends with him. Sometimes he would remind me of his feelings, but I gently changed the subject. It slightly and subtly escalated, but I didn't really recognize this as a red flag yet.
But recently, a couple of months ago, **** started getting real. He started demanding explanations, started making accusations, started calling and texting nonstop.
As advised by my husband, I tried to calm him down by reasoning with him, and convincing him to date others. I didn't see him as a stalker at that point, more like a friend who was just being overemotional.
That didn't work.
Then I tried slowly and subtly dwindling away on contact, in hopes that I could get him to forget about me.
That didn't work.
So I wrote him a formal letter requesting that he stop contacting me. And that's when I completely stopped responding to him at all.
It hasn't been working though. If anything, it's made things worse. Now he's escalating to namecalling, etc.
TLDR version: He was my friend originally. And it was probably inaccurate to imply that he was stalking me for years. The real stalking behavior has been going on for a few months.
Thanks for clarifying. I think it's time to call the police.
I'd rather not go into details, but I have a stalker on my hands (he only has my phone and email, not address).
He's getting way out of control, and I've been dealing with this for years.
I tried being just friends with him, but that's what started this mess.
Then I tried telling him clearly but nicely to leave me alone. He doesn't.
I try ignoring him. He doesn't get the hint.
Today I finally texted him back, pretending that I was someone else, and that this was my new number. He didn't believe it, and raged even more.
Now I've reached my limit of patience. I've written a draft of a super harsh email telling him that he'd better back the **** off. Should I send it to him? I have HAD IT with his bullish!t, and I'm thinking he needs a boot up his ass to get the message. Maybe he harasses me because I've never stood my ground, so he thinks he can get away with it.
I can't go to the police about this. I don't have a case, because he never made any threats. In fact, he even said that he has no intention of physically harming me. So, I can't take legal action.
I also don't want to actually change/block numbers. Because if he ever does make a threat, I need to know.
The only possible option I have left that I haven't exhausted is confronting him via email and being as harsh as possible. Has anyone ever seen this work? Or would it only make him worse?
Keep ignoring him. Responding to him only feeds the flame.
I don't believe he actually has to threaten you. If you formally asked him to stop contacting you and he is still doing it, that's harassment. Call the cops.
Stop reading his texts and emails. Change your phone number and send his emails to spam. Call the police.
You can believe us and do what we say, or you can make a bigger mess of this by doing it your way. I have no problem saying "I told you so" when your way doesn't work.
Depending on how intense his stalker feelings are, he may show up in person either way. That's why the police need to be involved now before that happens.
You've dragged this on too long and created a mess. Just stop communicating with him. No harsh email.
I don't believe he actually has to threaten you. If you formally asked him to stop contacting you and he is still doing it, that's harassment. Call the cops.
Ok, this is good to know. If he contacts me again, I will call the local police department.
I'm VERY glad that I didn't send that email last night.. Now that I've slept on it, I'm thinking it would have been a horrible idea. I was just at my wit's end last night.
I'd rather not go into details, but I have a stalker on my hands (he only has my phone and email, not address).
He's getting way out of control, and I've been dealing with this for years.
I tried being just friends with him, but that's what started this mess.
Then I tried telling him clearly but nicely to leave me alone. He doesn't.
I try ignoring him. He doesn't get the hint.
Today I finally texted him back, pretending that I was someone else, and that this was my new number. He didn't believe it, and raged even more.
Now I've reached my limit of patience. I've written a draft of a super harsh email telling him that he'd better back the **** off. Should I send it to him? I have HAD IT with his bullish!t, and I'm thinking he needs a boot up his ass to get the message. Maybe he harasses me because I've never stood my ground, so he thinks he can get away with it.
I can't go to the police about this. I don't have a case, because he never made any threats. In fact, he even said that he has no intention of physically harming me. So, I can't take legal action.
I also don't want to actually change/block numbers. Because if he ever does make a threat, I need to know.
The only possible option I have left that I haven't exhausted is confronting him via email and being as harsh as possible. Has anyone ever seen this work? Or would it only make him worse?
There doesn't have to be a threat for you to go to the police.
Just because the guy 'used to be a friend', doesn't mean one has to tolerate his sicko behavior now. He is no longer a 'friend'. And he couldn't have been much of a friend if he doesn't even know where you live.
Cease all of this nonsense by blocking him from your phone and email account. End of situation.
I dunno.
What if she were to tell him, "I am collecting all contact with me
to present to the authorities."
Would that work?
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