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It's funny that no one has ever asked me this. Funny because I DO remember everything for everyone automatically. And then I automatically remind others.
It sounds great but it's really a curse in the OCD realm.
You got a bigger issue here to deal with by continuing to have a relationship with your ex. Move on.
Not really a "big" issue. Lots of people break up and are still on good terms in just a friendly way. Besides we still co-parent our "children" (the furry kind). He just needs to adjust to the fact that even though a partner might have to remind you of your brother's birthday, a friend has no such duty.
It's funny that no one has ever asked me this. Funny because I DO remember everything for everyone automatically. And then I automatically remind others.
It sounds great but it's really a curse in the OCD realm.
That was my husband. I never purposely made him responsible for my memory. He just automatically remembered everything and reminded me. I didn't realize how useful it was until his memory started becoming more like a normal person's with age. So, you do have that to look forward to someday.
A friend of mine and I do this-but *not* in a "this is now your responsibility" sort of way.
For instance, I'll say "Remind me to ___", but I'll add "This is my way to remind *myself* about this-by saying it out loud to you"-
and she does the same with me.
It's like a game (in best sense of the word) where we keep mentioning the likely-to-be-forgotten-thing back & forth to each other.
Yet we each are only expected to keep in mind our own "things".
Just saying the item aloud, in conversation, helps hold the item in working/recent memory.
And we do both write lists/notes to ourselves separately, so neither of us are fully relying on the other to remember.
I was married to a person like this. He was a seemingly normal husband, father, and employee, but he never noted anything down in a planner or appointment book. I kept track of everything for him, because somebody had to. I had to arrange and remind him of any medical, dental, professional, travel, or recreational appointments. Also, I had to set up maintenance appointments for his car and remind him about those. I also paid all the bills and prepared all the joint tax returns. I also reminded him about the birthdays of his mother and other relatives.
He couldn't remember his own children's birthdays or even how old they were, precisely. He never once remembered our anniversary; I truly think he had only the vaguest idea what month it was in. It never crossed his mind.
He'd come home and say, I have an important meeting at 10:00 am tomorrow. Please don't let me forget. Then he'd promptly forget it himself, because he'd assigned the reminder to me. He never used an alarm clock. Devices like that were all my bailiwick.
He'd also get irritated if I reminded him of something "too soon." For example, if I reminded him the night before that he had a dental appointment at 2:00 pm, he'd get exasperated and say, "Don't remind me NOW! There's nothing I can do about it NOW! Call me at work about an hour before the appointment and remind me THEN." Even the morning of an appointment was "too soon." He needed to rely on someone to get his attention or phone him and say, "ok, now it's time for you to do this thing."
I found this behavior selfish and self-centered, and I tried to show him how helpful it was to jot things down in a little planner. Eventually, I gave up and filed my time as his personal reminder under "What I did for love."
The premise of EMDR is basically offloading trauma on those who cannot deal with their own issues. The concept of rapid eye movement is akin to Man-E-Faces from He-Man. Souls passing through the eyes of the individuals similar to the lyrics song from Phil Collins "In too Deep" while in the band Genesis.
My comment is based on the title of the thread. People who assign their memories to another. It would be like a creator god assigning his success and creation to a lesser and inferior mind.
I do this all the time at work and with my family..."Remind me of this, don't let me forget my umbrella, etc". Everyone knows I'm ADD and now add the forgetfulness that comes with menopause, we all laugh about it. I do use a plan book and I never, ever hold people responsible for my memory (if they forget to remind me I don't blame them). Really at my work we are many menopausal aged women, and we are all suffering from memory lapses to some degree, and all find a way to laugh about it. It's not literal, it's just "oh, don't let me forget this ir that" what is the big deal?
I was single and lived alone for a good portion of my life, and am doing so again following the passing of my wife. I never developed the habit of passing memory duties to someone else, as there was no one there to dump it on when I was single. People who do this are going to be in for some difficulties should they ever lose a spouse/SO/coworkers who put up it, etc. It's a bad habit that I refer to as 'lazy brain', because to me, that's exactly what it is. I might tolerate it from a spouse, but not from anyone else.
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