People who "assign" their memory to someone else (husband, responsibility)

[Tracysherm]

This is kind of a vent, and not so much a serious discussion of a psychological issue, but I wonder if other people know someone like this, and if they annoy you as much as they annoy me.

I get really, really, annoyed at people who don't take responsibility for remembering something, and instead try to delegate remembering it to someone else. I guess if you can afford to hire a "personal assistant," then yes, you are the exception, and you can assign everything to the assistant to remember. But the rest of us adults need to just write stuff down, keep a calendar, or otherwise figure out how to give ourselves reminders. (Please do not suggest that these people must have a cognitive problem like early-onset dementia, because they don't. They just don't take responsibility for remembering things.)

Two examples from the last 2 days (technically one day, since we're talking just yesterday and this morning):

My ex (significant other for about 15 years, who is still in my life and on generally good terms, but no longer my partner) did this all during our relationship, and just tried it again yesterday. "Oh! Remind me to send that thing in by the due date." I just looked at him. I said that I am no longer under any obligation to help him remember anything. He thought I was joking. Later in the day, he realized that the day before was his brother's birthday. I said, I know, I sent him a happy birthday on facebook. He (the ex) said "Why didn't you remind me?" I just laughed.

We have an executive-level manager in my company who doesn't feel the need to remember anything. We'll have a discussion abut something detailed, he won't take any notes, then he'll ask for the same info again and again. Last week we had a discussion about a problem that needed solving. He had agreed that he would call a certain person and discuss the issue, then get back to me this week and let me know how it was settled. Today he came into my office and said "refresh my memory on what we decided last week...." I was p*ssed because he had agreed to follow up with this person by the end of last week. I bit my tongue of course, because he's higher up on the food chain. But come one, you can't write something down, or give yourself a reminder in Outlook or something? Write a note on your hand? We don't work in the kind of field or company where members of exec level mgmt. have a secretary, so they, like the rest of us, are expected to figure out how to remember stuff.

Do you know people like this? Does it tick you off too? Ugh! How hard is it to write yourself a post-it note?

[almost3am]

I sometimes use e-mail follow-ups after decisions are made to document others memory failings. Per our discussion, you agreed to call Bob and let me know what the next step is...

[Tracysherm]

I do that all the time, especially with the exec I mentioned. But then instead of going back to find my e-mail, he'll stop in my office and ask me to "refresh" his memory.

[HighFlyingBird]

The only one who did that to me regularly was my mom, then get mad if I forgot.

I sometimes say it to my husband, he sometimes to me but its more like "if you remember we need stamps when we are out, remind me". If he was to ask me to remind him of something and then asked why I didn't tell him, I would just roll my eyes at him.

[NickofDiamonds]

I know what you mean, there's a lot of people I know who do that " Let me use your memory, I'm not using mine" routine also as it's their way of being irresponsible and unaccountable.
I just tell them that they need to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in their pocket.
They don't ask anymore.
Let them fail so hopefully they can learn from their mistakes.

[PeachSalsa]

When people ask me to remind them to do something, I immediately tell them, "Remember to do <fill in hte blank>. There, I reminded you. Now it's on you."

[Hopes]

My husband was responsible for my memory for many years. Now that his memory is going too, we're in big trouble. LOL

[In2itive_1]

I spend enough time keeping track of my own stuff, being organized. I would not like it if another would end up blaming me for something they forgot, after offhandedly telling me to "remind them" of something. I remember a female coworker saying this - then overhear her on a personal call or something. I would wonder why she didn't write herself notes. It seems this is just a habit for some.

Some years ago I recall being interviewed by a guy who told me that "besides my own duties, of which there would be many, I would "need to keep checking on him to see if he was doing what he was supposed to be doing" - thinking, remembering. My babysitting days were over when I was a teen. NO thanks.

[ciceropolo]

It's RAM! Relationship Access Memory!
I've met a few people like this but I make it a point to never let them depend on me. If they do I tend to purposefully have a DoS (Denial of Service) or a 404 File not Found Error.

That usually fixes any dependency issue and rolls them onto someone else. We had a long standing joke in our family in my formative years as I would write notes to myself which I put on the common family message space.

Only time I am remotely guilty of this is to simply have someone be a double check failsafe, say to give me a wake up call in conjunction with my alarm for some rare important event.

Sort of like this... but with greater efficiency.


Seinfeld Clip - Jean-Paul The Marathon Runner - YouTube

[eastcoastguyz]

Originally Posted by TracySam

My ex (significant other for about 15 years, who is still in my life and on generally good terms, but no longer my partner) did this all during our relationship, and just tried it again yesterday.

You got a bigger issue here to deal with by continuing to have a relationship with your ex. Move on.