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I feel bad for them too, but honestly, I think the same bond exists for those that adopt. I know so many parents of adopted kids and those kids are loved and treasured every bit as much as I treasure my son.
And I would add, my sister has a son that has brought her so much frustration and so much difficulty, and has probably cost her her marriage as a by-product of all the issues, but even with all that, if she had it to do over, she would have him again. It's a hard thing to describe, motherly love, and I know you know that.
Absolutly most people have the same bond with adopted children.
Some dont but I doubt they would have a quality bond with their bio kid either...or a healthy one at least
I think when people struggle to have empathy over an issue (infertility is immensely painful), they are often blocking their own pain over the same issue. They can't put themselves in the other persons shoes because they would have to face their own feelings, which they are strongly avoiding.
Well that's not true at all. To have the ability to be empathetic is to understand another's position. Someone who flat out doesn't understand the position will have trouble being empathetic. Oh sure you can pretend to care, but those that really don't understand the position are not truly going to be empathetic.
I'm another who can't empathize with this situation. Children are the last thing I'd want to have in my life, I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than deal with the ramifications of children.
I feel bad for them too, but honestly, I think the same bond exists for those that adopt. I know so many parents of adopted kids and those kids are loved and treasured every bit as much as I treasure my son.
And I would add, my sister has a son that has brought her so much frustration and so much difficulty, and has probably cost her her marriage as a by-product of all the issues, but even with all that, if she had it to do over, she would have him again. It's a hard thing to describe, motherly love, and I know you know that.
Oh, they do. My sister loves her daughter as much as I love mine, that's for sure. And we tend to not remember that she wasn't born to our family. My sister was initially heartbroken to learn that she couldn't conceive, but when she got her daughter, she said she looked at her and she looked exactly like the baby she always imagined she would have. It was meant to be.
Mother of 5 bilogical boys. I had in my care 2 from my hubby previous marriage...and lost 2 pregnancies at early stage...and it mas a trauma for me..(the loss)
Losing those unborn/foetus....baby..( you name it) was a tragedy for me...i have cried days...just imagining living my life without it .
Just being pregnant is magic ( when wanted/desired)...the love of maternity and bearing a life...
Then holding that life in your hand is SOMETHING ..that i cannot describe....(heartbeating)
Raising...a child with a good role model or being well educated in that manner or you suffer as "parent".
@newdixiegirl...i have had my 5 children in 3 different countries with my husband moving a lot (more than 13 times) and always ...faraway...alone, different language..people, no family around...and I have raised amazing boys. Yes it takes a village...but "my village" actually was a real "village" where people knew about a new comer with big belly...then help comes naturally...and life goes on...am glad...we are in the USA for the past 4 years. My kids are in school. His family is in different states..but raising children is what we choose to do and me...living without conceiving is like death...God gave us a "machine" inside...i guess for a purpose...then he gave us a oartner to multiply...so I married this man and he, like me had a big desire of a lot of children...and we made them...we tried that fascinating machine...and.....https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152708061354528
I think when people struggle to have empathy over an issue (infertility is immensely painful), they are often blocking their own pain over the same issue. They can't put themselves in the other persons shoes because they would have to face their own feelings, which they are strongly avoiding.
I sometimes suspect the "pain blocking" issue if the person complaining seems to feel actual resentment, annoyance or anger regarding another's problems. But only they know the truth.
I think there are 3 camps of people. People who absolutely want children and can't imagine not having any, people who absolutely don't want children, and people who are on the fence. I always really wanted kids when I was younger. I got married when I was 24 and I could not wait until we had kids. I thought how amazing it would be and imagined myself glowing and pregnant, how wonderful it would be to watch this little piece of me grow up, teaching him or her to ride their bike, how exciting the holidays would be, etc. etc. Also, because I am really close to my own parents, I always hoped to have children that would have the same kind of relationship with me. No guarantees though. Then I got a divorce and at almost 31 I've yet to meet anyone I would consider having a family with. Now that I'm in my 30's I think differently about having kids. I'm an on the fence person now. Now that I'm older I see the expense and the sacrifice involved, and the reality that no matter how hard I try my kid might not grow up to be a good person.
I can really see both view points. I'm not sure how I would feel if one day I found out I couldn't have kids. I have a friend who really wanted kids, but it never happened, and she told me she's actually really fine with it. She enjoys her freedom and she has other interests. It wasn't meant to be and she accept it. Other people aren't so resilient perhaps. I'm just going to see how life goes. If I meet someone and we both want to have kids, then that's great. If I can't, I would consider adopting, or I would take the opportunity to travel and pursue other interests.
As the mother to two kids some 21 years apart, the second of which was born after my husband's successful vasectomy reversal when we were both 40 years old, it is not appropriate or fair of me to wonder what the big deal might be for somebody else suffering through the pain of infertility. For me to act so flippant about it would be tantamount to being incredibly insensitive...and unempathetic to boot.
I respect everyone's choices here, and certainly find no fault.
The instinct to procreate is one of our most powerful human instincts.
Last edited by rhiannon67; 12-16-2014 at 12:26 PM..
As the mother to two kids some 21 years apart, one of which was born after my husband's successful vasectomy reversal when we were both 40 years old, it is not appropriate or fair of me to wonder what the big deal might be for somebody else suffering through the pain of infertility. For me to act so flippant about it would be tantamount to being incredibly insensitive...and unempathetic to boot.
I respect everyone's choices here, and certainly find no fault.
The instinct to procreate is one of our most powerful human instincts.
I would assert that the instinct to SURVIVE is one of our most powerful human instincts. Procreating is just a byproduct.
One is, by definition, an extension of the other. Without procreation, the human race will not survive
Like I said, a byproduct.
edit: What I mean to say is people are concerned with their own personal survival. THAT is what's most powerful. The procreation bit is a byproduct of human's desire to have sex biologically.
The human race will not survive without procreation, but YOU will.
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