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I'm unsure because I'm always reading that women prefer more feminine males as long-term partners, but feminine men get a lot of flack for being the way they are.
It's unfortunate. Maybe the insecure hyper-masculine males are jealous of a guy who can just "be himself?" That horseplay should be considered a form of harassment. Perhaps its no different than young women spreading rumors about a particularly gorgeous peer in hopes of increasing their chances of being judged as more favorable than said peer. It seems quite childish. "Let's all get everyone to look and act like pigs so that the women will think those are the only choices they have." is what it sounds like.
Also, a "hyper-masculine" man is any man so concerned about his "manliness" that he's willing to put what society thinks of him above the health, happiness, and well-being of his family or himself.
I've known men like men, so I understand what you're saying here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501
The big burly hairy sasquatch of a human being who works all day, drinks on the weekends, and involves himself and his sons in "man activities" but believes that "a woman's place in the home" and won't allow his daughters to do anything outside of the traditional "feminine" activities, but his wife is a high school drop out, so she doesn't have any skilled crafts to teach her kids anyway. They would all be better off learning how to work on cars or clear lawns, but the chauvinist "hyper-masculine" man decides that it is "appropriate" to only teach the males of the family how to be worth something. The boys will go out and get jobs at fifteen; the girls will probably get pregnant, sad, sad. These kinds of people do exist. I don't understand it.
This sounds more like influences of socioeconomic background than anything else, but yeah, I think I know the type.
You just described many of the people here. I hate it! The women here are practically actresses, and the men are so afraid of being considered "feminine" that they won't step outside of the rigid lines they've drawn for themselves even if it means having to deal with heavy emotional stuff that they unload with drinking and other forms of stupidity. Can't we just be human here? Boys, drop the tough as nails persona, and girls, act like you have a brain, ambitions, and aspirations!
I'm unsure because I'm always reading that women prefer more feminine males as long-term partners, but feminine men get a lot of flack for being the way they are.
I really think the majority of us do not want feminine men. Nor do we want the description of "hypermasculine" that was given but to be honest I find that description a bit of a caricature and I don't actually know men who act like that or think like that. I want to be the feminine half of the relationship, and I can only be that if the guy is willing to be the male half. I have in my profile "you be Tarzan, I'll be Jane" because that's the way I like it.
I really think the majority of us do not want feminine men. Nor do we want the description of "hypermasculine" that was given but to be honest I find that description a bit of a caricature and I don't actually know men who act like that or think like that. I want to be the feminine half of the relationship, and I can only be that if the guy is willing to be the male half. I have in my profile "you be Tarzan, I'll be Jane" because that's the way I like it.
If you've ever lived in the South, you know they aren't an exaggeration, sadly. I guess my concept of "masculine" and "feminine" has been spoiled by the way people do it down here. Most of the "masculine" jobs require less than two years of training (most of which young boys get while they are still in high school) and can net around 40K per year. Most women have to pursue two to four year degrees to make that much money. How on Earth is that fair to anyone?
Personally, I can't relate to anything masculine. It just scares me. I also wouldn't consider myself that "feminine," because the way it's done down here confuses me. My concept of the average man is that he was brought up to see himself as "the king of his castle" and his woman is his lowly servant. She sticks to her learned role; he sticks to his. Communication breaks down, and everyone is eventually more or less miserable. The women learn to wear masks in male company and only talk openly about their confusion and pain with other women; they know the men won't try to understand them so they keep it hidden from them. That's not my idea of a healthy relationship, yet it's the way I've seen everyone I know do things around here. The men have a hard time at work and either come home and project their anger and frustration on their wives and children or go out drinking. The women need to have a serious conversation about the relationship, but they can't have it with the men, so they turn to one another.
If you've ever lived in the South, you know they aren't an exaggeration, sadly. I guess my concept of "masculine" and "feminine" has been spoiled by the way people do it down here. Most of the "masculine" jobs require less than two years of training (most of which young boys get while they are still in high school) and can net around 40K per year. Most women have to pursue two to four year degrees to make that much money. How on Earth is that fair to anyone?
Personally, I can't relate to anything masculine. It just scares me. I also wouldn't consider myself that "feminine," because the way it's done down here confuses me. My concept of the average man is that he was brought up to see himself as "the king of his castle" and his woman is his lowly servant. She sticks to her learned role; he sticks to his. Communication breaks down, and everyone is eventually more or less miserable. The women learn to wear masks in male company and only talk openly about their confusion and pain with other women; they know the men won't try to understand them so they keep it hidden from them. That's not my idea of a healthy relationship, yet it's the way I've seen everyone I know do things around here.
You need to get out of the sticks. Come to the big city, or at least come to Florida/Atlanta/Savannah etc. In the larger Cities down here youll get away from the "tries too hard to be a Southern man" types and youll actually find southern men. Im southern to the bone but I don't drive a pickup, chew tabakuh', go muddin' or aspire to a "manly job." There are also different definitions of manliness that make up Southern virtues. Too many of the guys down here think being a man is how you dress and what you drink. I work 50 hours a week, take grad classes at night, and fix up our house on the weekends between papers and tests, all for my wife and the little kid in her womb.......I call THAT being a man.
If you've ever lived in the South, you know they aren't an exaggeration, sadly. I guess my concept of "masculine" and "feminine" has been spoiled by the way people do it down here. Most of the "masculine" jobs require less than two years of training (most of which young boys get while they are still in high school) and can net around 40K per year. Most women have to pursue two to four year degrees to make that much money. How on Earth is that fair to anyone?
Personally, I can't relate to anything masculine. It just scares me. I also wouldn't consider myself that "feminine," because the way it's done down here confuses me. My concept of the average man is that he was brought up to see himself as "the king of his castle" and his woman is his lowly servant. She sticks to her learned role; he sticks to his. Communication breaks down, and everyone is eventually more or less miserable. The women learn to wear masks in male company and only talk openly about their confusion and pain with other women; they know the men won't try to understand them so they keep it hidden from them. That's not my idea of a healthy relationship, yet it's the way I've seen everyone I know do things around here. The men have a hard time at work and either come home and project their anger and frustration on their wives and children or go out drinking. The women need to have a serious conversation about the relationship, but they can't have it with the men, so they turn to one another.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I do think it is more prevalent down south. A co-worker in Mississippi with very limited experience dealing with others from different states thought that all the men from our corporate office (in the NE) must be gay. Thankfully another Mississippi native that didn't live in such a bubble set her straight - that all men didn't act the swaggering, cave man type she seemed to think was normal male behavior.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I do think it is more prevalent down south. A co-worker in Mississippi with very limited experience dealing with others from different states thought that all the men from our corporate office (in the NE) must be gay. Thankfully another Mississippi native that didn't live in such a bubble set her straight - that all men didn't act the swaggering, cave man type she seemed to think was normal male behavior.
I don't assume they're gay unless they tell me... Some young boys think it's cute to dress in tight clothes and speak with a high voice; they're mostly just imitating their favorite TV or internet people, I guess. I don't think it lasts into their adulthood. I've seen probably one adult gay couple since I've lived here, and they tried very hard, too hard in my opinion, to let you know they weren't just femme guys, including just coming out and saying so. They definitely did not act like just feminine men. I hate it when people make that generalization. It's like a man who decides to be human has to give up his right to like women in order to be accepted in this culture. That makes no sense to me!
Also, it's also kind of odd, but gay people (who have said that they are) make me a bit uncomfortable. I think they are nice people, for the most part, but so many people around here act like they are some kind plague. I'm really afraid to be in their company, because maybe I give off that unfriendly vibe, and, since most people probably have that attitude toward them around here, I just feel like they will start to see me as someone who holds a similar opinion.
You need to get out of the sticks. Come to the big city, or at least come to Florida/Atlanta/Savannah etc. In the larger Cities down here youll get away from the "tries too hard to be a Southern man" types and youll actually find southern men. Im southern to the bone but I don't drive a pickup, chew tabakuh', go muddin' or aspire to a "manly job." There are also different definitions of manliness that make up Southern virtues. Too many of the guys down here think being a man is how you dress and what you drink. I work 50 hours a week, take grad classes at night, and fix up our house on the weekends between papers and tests, all for my wife and the little kid in her womb.......I call THAT being a man.
It is, but it's also a very good way to burn out. I hope you get to a point where you can rest and enjoy your labor.
I think I find the idea of men who act a bit like women, suffer from shyness, enjoy "girly" activities like shopping, aren't super-sexual, aren't that concerned about "being manly," appear to have a cleaning or organizing addiction, know how to socialize, are into traditionally feminine pursuits like cosmetology or jewelry making, yet are still somehow into dating women, absolutely awesome! I want one! Do other women feel the same?
Frankly, I find guys who strive to have a more "traditional" male role a turn-off. I view most regular men to be immature, whiny, and demanding and find it refreshing when I encounter a man who steps out of his bubble and breaks a few stereotypes without fear of being called "weird." I view men who may be a bit more familiar with the female experience as mature and sophisticated. Yes, the media makes people believe this, but I've found non-traditional guys to be really refreshing for as long as I can remember.
Guys and girls who have been in relationships, what's your take on this? Do femme guys have as high an opinion of themselves as we may have of them?
Amazingly enough "regular guys" view most women the same way, funny how things like that are not gender specific.
Feminine men are just men who like to partake in tradition female activities but it doesn't mean they are disadvantaged in any way. Rosie Greer was an excellent Cross Stitcher who also happened to be a very large Professional Football Player.
A very good friend of Mr. CSD's used to handmake quilts that had a waiting list 5 years long for everyone who wanted one of the quilts he made. He was a farmer all of his life and did most of his farming the old fashioned way.
In my personal opinion anyone who has "a high opinion of themselves" is generally very conceited and arrogant and not really a pleasant human to be spending time with.
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