Kids that never plan on moving out (anxiety, woman, college)
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I was curious about what people's thoughts are about kids that never move out of the house.
I know it's a different time than when I grew up all the kids either moved out at around 18, went away to college or stayed at home for awhile after H.S. and worked full time to save money to move out or worked p/t & school p/t and a few got married really young. Those were the options and this worked out for everyone. I never saw a kid just stay at home w/o a plan and never saw anyone past the age of 23 or 24 still at home.
Since it's becoming so common now that kids just stay at home, I wonder if this hurts their development ? Are they less resourceful, lack common sense and an understanding how the world works. Do they stay a child and not fully develop in to an adult ?
I'm not talking about the kid that has moved out, had their own life and needs to move back home temp. because they're going through a divorce or caring for a parent or to save money for their own place. I just want to be clear this isn't the person I'm referring to. I'm talking about the kid that age 25, 35 and now 40 isn't ever planning on moving out.
I know a situation where the guy is now in his mid 60s and has never been on his own. It's really sad, it obvious talking with him that he thinks really immature and is extremely naive about the ways of the world. His mother wouldn't let go of him. It's sad when a boy doesn't develop in to a man.
There is a light in each one of us that needs to shine !
I was in my early 20s when I lived in a big city and had to figure out alot by myself, I learned alot & grew up fast. Something about living in a big city really honed my life skills, instincts, common sense & reading between the lines.
A: Since you asked for our thoughts on this, we can avoid having to provide the facts to back up our opinions.
B: I think their parents are doing them a grave disservice in America not requiring them to move out. It may be different in other countries, but here I believe it is necessary to learn how to stand on your own two feet, especially if one is use the rewards of being an adult.
C: Where I derived my spirit, my inspiration to be on my own I won't go into at this time; it doesn't always go over well and I want to go back to bed. But at around 30, I was out of the Navy and back in school. My father told me that because he had funded my brothers' post graduate education and living expenses, he would do the same for me. Fast forward a few years when he asked me why I didn't ask him for much money, I told him that I never liked asking him for money like that, in that situation.
"Well, that's understandable. You had been out of your father's house for a few years, on your own, independent. It's understandable that you didn't want to return to a time before."
He respected me for that, he used me as an example once for a brother (or at least asked me permission if he could), and I LIKED THAT!
People respecting you, having pride and belief in one's self, and things that are "I LIKE THAT!" are, to me, very powerful drivers...........and perhaps those who never move out don't experience that. Perhaps they don't even know the powerful, internal non sexual glow one has when they have that.
I think it can be sad. I know a woman who has a 29 year old daughter that still lives at home, never had a job or schooling past HS. Her parents provide everything and she just stays home, plays games and watches TV.
We had no choice but I was already physically living other places outside of my Mother's home when I was about 13 or 14.
I just had to legally "stay" at her place until I was old enough to leave for good and I haven't been back to live.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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On the one hand, sociologists claim that as a species we're taking progressively longer to develop and mature, and that the 20-somethings are becoming the new "teens". On the other hand, this eagerness to 'stay in the nest' does seem kinda weird from the POV of past generations that couldn't wait to get out of the house. But of course it's not all just on the kids for remaining so dependent, when they have the kinda parents who are eager to "enable" 'em!
I was curious about what people's thoughts are about kids that never move out of the house.
I know it's a different time than when I grew up all the kids either moved out at around 18, went away to college or stayed at home for awhile after H.S. and worked full time to save money to move out or worked p/t & school p/t and a few got married really young. Those were the options and this worked out for everyone. I never saw a kid just stay at home w/o a plan and never saw anyone past the age of 23 or 24 still at home.
Since it's becoming so common now that kids just stay at home, I wonder if this hurts their development ? Are they less resourceful, lack common sense and an understanding how the world works. Do they stay a child and not fully develop in to an adult ?
I'm not talking about the kid that has moved out, had their own life and needs to move back home temp. because they're going through a divorce or caring for a parent or to save money for their own place. I just want to be clear this isn't the person I'm referring to. I'm talking about the kid that age 25, 35 and now 40 isn't ever planning on moving out.
I know a situation where the guy is now in his mid 60s and has never been on his own. It's really sad, it obvious talking with him that he thinks really immature and is extremely naive about the ways of the world. His mother wouldn't let go of him. It's sad when a boy doesn't develop in to a man.
There is a light in each one of us that needs to shine !
I was in my early 20s when I lived in a big city and had to figure out alot by myself, I learned alot & grew up fast. Something about living in a big city really honed my life skills, instincts, common sense & reading between the lines.
It's all about self-indulgent helicopter parents who coddle their kids and don't want them to grow up. What we have is a shift away from parents raising children to become autonomous adults to parents who raise adult infants who depend on mommy and daddy forever. These parents aren't doing their jobs properly.
It's all about self-indulgent helicopter parents who coddle their kids and don't want them to grow up. What we have is a shift away from parents raising children to become autonomous adults to parents who raise adult infants who depend on mommy and daddy forever. These parents aren't doing their jobs properly.
OMG I completely agree with you. It's disgustingly bad parenting. I was a ***** of a mother who made her kids independent from a pretty young age. And guess what, they both work, travel extensively overseas and once they moved out they never came back again. My job is done, independent adults who contribute to society. I find it despicable that parents enable their kids to be dependent little babies when they're old enough to be out of the house. Indulging your kids does nothing but create monsters who are self centred, spoiled, self indulgent and entitled.
I would imagine that at least part of it is mental illness-- anxiety, depression, etc. It's not always easy for people to seek help for that kind of thing.
It all kind of adds up and it gets harder and harder to overcome as they get older. The longer you're out of it, the harder it gets to pick yourself up.
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