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I think people make themselves feel like they are more a part of things than they really are in an effort to feel more alive and give themselves an identity to declare. Not that it's always a bad thing, but I'd say it usually comes off as immature and obsessive. But maybe that's better than aloof and bored.
I have very little to do with other people in everyday life, please and thank you when I'm out shopping, but I have nothing to do with the neighbours, I don't socialise or go to the pub(I don't drink) and am not a member of any clubs. in short I don't "do" people.
ciceropolo, I get what you are saying...but I doubt if we will see eye to eye. It's cool though. Different perspectives.
I don't like religion. I really, really do not. I love faith. But I think that a person's relationship with their God is at its truest state when it is most personal and pure, and not bedecked in the trappings of an institution or polluted by the interpretations of others. I don't want rituals, books, dogma, doctrine, parables, stories, etc. I just want a real and true sense of being connected, and I think the most honest Word of God is written on the human heart.
For some folks, all the stuff that comes with religion, well...it's their thing. My little brother is totally that way, and it's cool.
But I promise you, I don't idol worship my favorite band. My devotion to that whole thing boomed when I met them and they went from being this band I enjoyed to real people. And they were down to earth and appreciated others, and we formed friendships. And then I began to form bonds with others who liked them, first via social media and some locals that always came to their shows, and later meeting hundreds of them in person and seeing them at least annually at a festival thing I go to, in VA. These are intelligent outcasts, people who ask interesting questions of life, people who create art and music, people I love. I think a full human experience is building memories, reaching out and connecting, hearing the stories of others and sharing my own. You know what we all did in the back parking lot at our hotel, at 3AM the night after the event last year? Anyone would look at us and think "probably drugs"...but no. We were buying, selling, and trading prints of our art and CD copies of music that the musicians among us had made. A couple of stand up comedians in the group had us laughing our socks off. It was beautiful.
You know what I love best about my tribe? None of these people want anything from me. In life I'm surrounded by takers. People who demand things. People who need things from me all the time. With these folks, I don't have to be anything just for them, I just have to show up with my own self and they are just happy that I'm there. I don't have to agree with them about anything...heck not even love of that band, as there are a few people who have the "I only like their old stuff" mentality...we are safe in disagreement and discourse, there is no judgment.
Random people are and aren't tribal. Those who aren't, are more likely to be hanging out in places like these forums, instead of hanging out with a tribe. That's why so many people here are non-tribal. If they were tribal, they wouldn't be hanging out here, but with their tribes instead.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eok
Random people are and aren't tribal. Those who aren't, are more likely to be hanging out in places like these forums, instead of hanging out with a tribe. That's why so many people here are non-tribal. If they were tribal, they wouldn't be hanging out here, but with their tribes instead.
Have you visited any of the "Political" or "Religious" forums (among others …lol)?!!
Um, and some of us simply CANNOT be physically with our tribes all of the time. And in fact I am also interested in perspectives from outside of my comfort zone as well. Like I said, I love hearing the stories of others...it doesn't matter how different it is from my own story in fact that just makes it more interesting.
Simply because one feels a sense of belonging and fellow feeling with a particular group does not mean one must reject and not tolerate all other people outside of that group.
I see a lot of tribes at work where their behavior is called "Group Think".
In one of my legal classes the teacher, a Phoenix lawyer, drew a triangle on the board with a horizontal line near the top and proclaimed that the lawyers are above the line while the rest of the office staff was below and would never cross their line. There is more than one term for that attitude.
How to cope, just go where you are appreciated and allowed to contribute with your own talents.
After reading the recent posts, I started thinking about some other "tribes" I've encountered, and thought about how tribe members who don't even know each other can automatically find each other and bond with each other simply because of being tribe members.
The guy above that talked about the fans of a band made me think of the Deadheads I knew in college. Total strangers could meet, and just because they both wore tie-dye, listened to the Dead, and smelled like patchouli, they would have this automatic affinity for each other. They could be completely different people, with different backgrounds and values, but it didn't matter because they had both joined this "tribe."
I've seen it in bars with total strangers suddenly act like they are best buddies because they both had Eagles or Phillies shirts on. I know a cultish Penn State graduate (is that redundant?) who says if he meets a total stranger who also happened to go to Penn State, even in a completely different decade, they are automatically like best friends. {shudder}
I've always found that very, very strange and a little disturbing, while at the very same time, people I know love that whole idea and find it comforting. I guess I'm wired differently.
I know someone who had been in a fraternity in college (like 20+ years ago) who said something once like how he could be anywhere in the world, like Tokyo, New York, or London, but if he met someone else who had been in that frat, they would automatically be like "brothers." He said he's traveled for business and has actually run into total strangers who ended up having been in that frat, at different schools and in different years, and they bonded. I guess it doesn't matter if the person might be a serial killer, international criminal, pedophile, etc. If they were in that fraternity, they are a BFF.
Something in me just finds that a little repulsive, even though I totally recognize that tribal types feel the exact opposite. To me, what "bonds" me with someone is getting to know them over time, and if we have things in common, we learn about that in time and it brings us closer. I can't imagine just skipping over all that "vetting" that has to happen and just accepting someone as my fast friend because we're wearing the same sweatshirt. To the tribal people, it seems like it's the tribe membership that first brings them together and they bond and THEN then might get to know each other. It's backwards from how I function.
Do you ever feel like you don't quite "get" joiner, team and 'tribal' behaviors, like maybe you kinda missed out on the "tribal" gene? For example, like when folks go "how about those Mets, Broncos, Raiders, whatever", and you haven't a clue (and could probably care less)?
Or at it's most extreme, the uber-patriotic and xenophobic types (aka, "my country, right or wrong" and "you ain't from around here, are 'ya boy?").
And if you're not a 'tribal' type of person, then how do you 'adapt'?
I think you are mixing up a couple of different things.
I've known extreme introverts that are crazy about their one team. So I don't think that is what you are talking about, unless you mean folks that follow a sport just to be part of the crowd.
But if someone asks, "How about those Mets?" and you don't know anything about the team it could mean a couple of things. Maybe that is not your team or maybe you aren't into sports, don't understand them.
That has nothing to do with wanting to be part of a "tribe."
Maybe you dress up as Spiderman and attend events like ComicCon. Maybe you're into collecting coins. You might have noticed a trend. These are all hobbies, all things that people like to do on their downtime.
Regarding the uber-patriotic and xenophobic types, that doesn't have to do with a tribe, unless everyone around you believes that, you don't, but you mouth their party line to fit in. Then you are a "joiner," regardless of personal beliefs.
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