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I chose not to live in a couple of cities, turning down promotions to being the manager of offices. Both cities were ultra-rightist hotbeds, without any institutions of higher-education nor any cultural activities above the redneck level. I was mostly finished as far as the company was concerned, for not taking either job. So, I did make a big sacrifice to keep living where I have been all my life.
Man, staying in a place you hate just because of a car payment for x number of more years is depressing.
I'd load up the car, and move. They can come pick it up if you fall flat on your face at your new locale. So what? It doesn't sound as bad as being depressed in a place you hate. Miss a couple payments and they'd probably refinance you and lower your payment. They really don't want your car back.
I assume you're in your 20's? Coolworks.com has cool jobs for younger people in some pretty cool places. A lot of them include housing. I've known a few people who easily got jobs from there. A lot of them are seasonal at first.
Anyways, I would at least try to get out of a place I hate. I would rather have my car repossessed and live on the streets than endure 5 more years in a place I absolutely hate. Who knows, you may just make it. Better to try and fail, than wallow in self pity and depression, putting your life on hold, waiting for the perfect time to move. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith when you get desperate. Saying that you're trapped is an excuse. There's always a way out. Find it and go. Good luck.
I definitely agree with most of this. I am now 3 years away from having the car paid off but even staying here for that long for that reason is depressing.
I guess where the car fits in is when I make a move, especially if I pack up and move somewhere with no job, I want to make sure that it will last. As long as I have the car payment, I maybe could only last a month or two at the most and if it takes me longer than that to find a job that pays enough to support myself and pay my car, then I am out of luck. In such a situation, I would likely end up having to move back in with my parents, which as dire as my current situation sometimes seems, it is still much better than that.
Right now I have a decent job in my career field that pays well enough for me to support myself and afford my car. Only problem is it's in a town I dislike..and my dislike for it ranges from dissatisfaction some days to downright despising it on other days. It would be a big gamble for me to pack up and move right now. I could end up in a much better situation but things could also end with things being much worse than they are now if I don't luck out. That is kind of the dilemma I am in right now. I am also not certain that moving would solve all of my issues (though it would certainly help). My situation where I lived previously was the opposite of my situation now. I was in a city I loved living in but was in a job that was so toxic it was causing me mental breakdowns. In hindsight I would have handled that situation differently, but given the situation at the time, I wasn't totally out of line to move back to OKC. But then again, at the time I was a lot more religious and conservative so the thought of OKC didn't seem quite as bad as it has become.
Going forward, before I make this kind of gamble, I want to make 100% sure that it's not something that I might regret later. I am hesitant to step out on faith that I can pack up and move to another city, find a decent paying job within a month or two, and live happily ever after.
Last edited by bawac34618; 12-21-2016 at 06:59 PM..
I wonder if you could talk to your dealer about getting a different, less expensive car? Could you work out a deal? It seems a shame that ownership of a car could hold you back from making a move.
I wonder if you could talk to your dealer about getting a different, less expensive car? Could you work out a deal? It seems a shame that ownership of a car could hold you back from making a move.
I've tried this. I've exhausted every option to get out of the car and the problem is I owe too much more on it than it's worth. I rolled almost $10,000 worth of negative equity from my previous car into this loan. If it wasn't for that I probably could have got out of it early, especially since I regretted buying it almost immediately after driving it off the lot. On top of that, there is the depreciation of my current car. I can't do anything other than pay it off or default. If I default, I'll have to buy a beater and then will still have to save for probably a year to have enough money to work with that I can move. Ruined credit however could place significant obstacles I don't need when trying to find a job or a place to live in a new city. While paying at minimum payment, I should have three and a half more years left on it, I plan on paying if off early, probably in 2018 or early 2019. After that, I can start saving and focusing on making my move possible. At this point, I am not sure ruining my credit is worth being able to get out of OKC only a year or so sooner than I otherwise would have been able to.
This was an expensive lesson, both in money and years of my life. I have this conversation with anybody talking about buying a brand new car. These days, it's possibly the worst financial investment a person can make.
I've tried this. I've exhausted every option to get out of the car and the problem is I owe too much more on it than it's worth. I rolled almost $10,000 worth of negative equity from my previous car into this loan. If it wasn't for that I probably could have got out of it early, especially since I regretted buying it almost immediately after driving it off the lot. On top of that, there is the depreciation of my current car. I can't do anything other than pay it off or default. If I default, I'll have to buy a beater and then will still have to save for probably a year to have enough money to work with that I can move. Ruined credit however could place significant obstacles I don't need when trying to find a job or a place to live in a new city. While paying at minimum payment, I should have three and a half more years left on it, I plan on paying if off early, probably in 2018 or early 2019. After that, I can start saving and focusing on making my move possible. At this point, I am not sure ruining my credit is worth being able to get out of OKC only a year or so sooner than I otherwise would have been able to.
This was an expensive lesson, both in money and years of my life. I have this conversation with anybody talking about buying a brand new car. These days, it's possibly the worst financial investment a person can make.
Is it possible to move before the car is paid off? You could still be making payments but be looking for another job elsewhere. Is there a way to take a second job for a year to save enough to make that leap?
Two years ago I got married moved from a Rocky mountain town in the USA to a prairie town in Canada. Along with the beauty of the mountains was a child-like kindness to the culture that I desperately miss. Most of all, I miss my welcoming, loving church family. I've tried very hard to be friendly here, opening up my home, volunteering, and doggedly going to various groups. This small town has a cool, closed demeanor to outsiders that is not negotiable. It's not my imagination- other expats and even people who grew up here and moved away have also expressed this. For a dash of salt to the wound, America is bashed at gatherings and even in church, even while they call themselves "polite." It really hurts.
The only way I can survive living in this cookie-cutter culture is by seeking God daily, including asking Him continually for help to forgive and love the people here, and let go of the expectation that they'll ever be genuinely warm in return. Jesus is not a Republican or Democrat- I get what you're saying, so sorry to hear that you've encountered that impression in church. Be encouraged that there are churches that speak the truth in love, where it's about God's kingdom and not the ways of the world.
I've been helped greatly by a classic devotional that bi-passes anything fluffy, written by people who have waited in very tough places and been strengthened. It's called "Streams in the Desert." Sometimes (to pull out of a self-pity nosedive) I have to recall travels to Haiti and other places where people have no choice but to live in squalor. At the same time, Mother Theresa said the worst kind of poverty she saw was "the poverty of the soul" - lonliness- in the wealthy North American countries. Neither indulging in resentment nor shaming ourselves is the answer. We're in a tough place and we have to deal with it, God help us.
I look forward to any trip home, and friends' faithful prayers are helping me. Just went to a memorial there, which solidified my resolve to keep in regular contact with loved ones. It's so hard to be away.
Lastly, now that spring is here, I've resumed going on long walks in any place I can find with trees, even if it means driving 1.5 hours to get somewhere beautiful. I have also forced myself to make either music or art (even just doodling) daily. I can't afford anymore to wait until "I'm feeling it" to be creative- it's use it or lose it.
I hope and pray that we both receive God's grace so we can come out of these tough places shining.
Last edited by J1j1; 05-02-2017 at 10:59 AM..
Reason: Edited for clarity
This is what scares me. I am 29 and will be 34 by the time I can move. I have already thrown away my late twenties and cannot fathom throwing away five more years. I may not have a choice though. If I can figure out a way to cope these next years don't have to be as miserable as the last three. Life is what we make of it, but its just figuring out how to make it what we want and how to play the cards we have been dealt (or picked from the deck as I have).
If I could I would do it but its next to impossible in my current situation. I am literally contemplating whether or not I want to consider bankruptcy and/or a repossessed automobile just to make moving possible. Those are extreme measures but its what it would take.
Good point.
Could you trade in the car for a cheaper model?
Personally...I wouldn't consider bankruptcy if you can at all help it. THEN you're talking about financial repercussions well into your 30's.
Maybe you can sublet your place and sell the car for something less impressive for a while..
Even if you can immediately get the type of work you want, getting something to tide you over in a city you want to live in will be a boon to your psyche. Maybe even find a roomate in a city you want to live in on a 6 month lease until you get your bearings.
You seem like a strong person to endure all that you are going through, and really, a car is something that (for all of us) our first world neccessity, but downsizing your car payments (and car insurance), and being in a city with buses, subways and any form of public transportation might be the "less is more" experience that might just make your wish come true.
Sometimes we have to lean in to what we want NOW than what we wanted before.. and just put a little of our grit and determintion to work.
Your epiphany is looking ahead to your future a reality.
Who is stopping you but you?
Just put one foot in front of the other..
You can get out of there and start over where you want to and climb the ladder in no time.
I've tried this. I've exhausted every option to get out of the car and the problem is I owe too much more on it than it's worth. I rolled almost $10,000 worth of negative equity from my previous car into this loan. If it wasn't for that I probably could have got out of it early, especially since I regretted buying it almost immediately after driving it off the lot. On top of that, there is the depreciation of my current car. I can't do anything other than pay it off or default. If I default, I'll have to buy a beater and then will still have to save for probably a year to have enough money to work with that I can move. Ruined credit however could place significant obstacles I don't need when trying to find a job or a place to live in a new city. While paying at minimum payment, I should have three and a half more years left on it, I plan on paying if off early, probably in 2018 or early 2019. After that, I can start saving and focusing on making my move possible. At this point, I am not sure ruining my credit is worth being able to get out of OKC only a year or so sooner than I otherwise would have been able to.
This was an expensive lesson, both in money and years of my life. I have this conversation with anybody talking about buying a brand new car. These days, it's possibly the worst financial investment a person can make.
I'm not making light of your situation AT ALL, but it seems to me that lots of people make life changing choices in their 30's. (I did too.)
Looking back, they were not the most fun years of my life...though not to say there wasn't good times too. Seems like financial difficulty is the soup de jour in our 30's. I guess I'm trying to say in a way...this too will pass. You haven't thrown your life away...it just took a difficult path for awhile.
I'm sorry you're so unhappy where you are. I hope a window of opportunity opens for you soon.
Personally...I wouldn't consider bankruptcy if you can at all help it. THEN you're talking about financial repercussions well into your 30's.
Trading in the car for a cheaper car will require me take out a new 5-6 year loan with the negative equity of my current car rolled into it (currently still at about $8,000). For what? Maybe $150 savings per month. That could be a boost but I am not sure it would be worth starting a new six year loan when my current car will be paid off in 2020.
I have no way out of the car other than waiting it out or allowing it to be voluntarily repossessed. It was one of the dumbest mistakes I ever made. I was looking back through old texts today and I regretted it almost from day one. I really can't believe I signed the dotted line for this car when I didn't even really want it. The salesperson was pretty much forcing it on me. If I wouldn't have bought the car, I would be long moved by now. Yet, here I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
I'm not making light of your situation AT ALL, but it seems to me that lots of people make life changing choices in their 30's. (I did too.)
Looking back, they were not the most fun years of my life...though not to say there wasn't good times too. Seems like financial difficulty is the soup de jour in our 30's. I guess I'm trying to say in a way...this too will pass. You haven't thrown your life away...it just took a difficult path for awhile.
I'm sorry you're so unhappy where you are. I hope a window of opportunity opens for you soon.
The best years of my life were late 2009 through 2012. The last third of my twenties, after moving back to my hometown, buying the car, and doing ex-gay conversion therapy, were the worst of my life. Things have improved a bit during my 30s so far but they aren't great. Basically still living the hangover of my late twenties (buying the car). I am pretty much going to have to wait it out.
The only way a move would be possible at this point is if I could find a job making enough to afford my car and afford the COL in my new city and I would have to secure that job before moving. That's quite difficult when living somewhere like Oklahoma City due to the fact most employers only consider local candidates.
The idea thing would be to get enough saved to cover the move plus have a little cushion, find a temporary roommate, take a temporary dead-end job while searching for a real job, and then transition into my own place once I have a secure job in my new city. This isn't happening as long as I have this car payment.
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