How to cope with living somewhere you hate? (attracted, therapy, parent)
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P.S. And many times it IS the place. I lived in Montgomery, Alabama because of my ex-husband for six months, and it seemed like six years in hell. (This was in 1973, and I was a die-hard Yankee agnostic living among Southern Baptists who still seemed to be fighting the Civil War.)
I wonder if you could talk to your dealer about getting a different, less expensive car? Could you work out a deal? It seems a shame that ownership of a car could hold you back from making a move.
hehehe you're really falling for this BS aren't you.
Two years ago I got married moved from a Rocky mountain town in the USA to a prairie town in Canada. Along with the beauty of the mountains was a child-like kindness to the culture that I desperately miss. Most of all, I miss my welcoming, loving church family. I've tried very hard to be friendly here, opening up my home, volunteering, and doggedly going to various groups. This small town has a cool, closed demeanor to outsiders that is not negotiable. It's not my imagination- other expats and even people who grew up here and moved away have also expressed this. For a dash of salt to the wound, America is bashed at gatherings and even in church, even while they call themselves "polite." It really hurts.
The only way I can survive living in this cookie-cutter culture is by seeking God daily, including asking Him continually for help to forgive and love the people here, and let go of the expectation that they'll ever be genuinely warm in return. Jesus is not a Republican or Democrat- I get what you're saying, so sorry to hear that you've encountered that impression in church. Be encouraged that there are churches that speak the truth in love, where it's about God's kingdom and not the ways of the world.
I've been helped greatly by a classic devotional that bi-passes anything fluffy, written by people who have waited in very tough places and been strengthened. It's called "Streams in the Desert." Sometimes (to pull out of a self-pity nosedive) I have to recall travels to Haiti and other places where people have no choice but to live in squalor. At the same time, Mother Theresa said the worst kind of poverty she saw was "the poverty of the soul" - lonliness- in the wealthy North American countries. Neither indulging in resentment nor shaming ourselves is the answer. We're in a tough place and we have to deal with it, God help us.
I look forward to any trip home, and friends' faithful prayers are helping me. Just went to a memorial there, which solidified my resolve to keep in regular contact with loved ones. It's so hard to be away.
Lastly, now that spring is here, I've resumed going on long walks in any place I can find with trees, even if it means driving 1.5 hours to get somewhere beautiful. I have also forced myself to make either music or art (even just doodling) daily. I can't afford anymore to wait until "I'm feeling it" to be creative- it's use it or lose it.
I hope and pray that we both receive God's grace so we can come out of these tough places shining.
I don't see any question here except "to use it or lose it."
Well there you go. Use it. You aren't the first person to move into a closed culture.
Your occupation may differ. I'm strange to a new city too. My friends are from my fellow interns and classmates. When all else fails I turn to TV, novels and studies. Yeah, not much help...
To clarify what I wrote- "cookie-cutter culture" refers to the culture of a city, and is not a national reference. (I wish I'd chosen a better phrase) I used that term to contrast my native bohemian mountain town to my new location: a conservative suburbia. I've traveled to towns and cities with each of those "personalities" in both Canada and the USA. So I prefer bohemia to suburbia, now what? It's becoming clear that I must learn to humbly appreciate whatever I can in order to make a new start here. I must also learn how to graciously handle the occasional negative remarks about America. If we really do have to live somewhere we don't like, then we will have to learn to be content, which takes perseverance and hope.
Last edited by J1j1; 05-15-2017 at 12:36 PM..
Reason: Spelling
Either like where you live or move where you like. You cannot pick items from a list perhaps mixing big city attributes with rural town attributes. If you want rural you may be isolated from a small population who grew up together for the most part. If you want urban there's an isolation of a different kind, so many people that you have to meet people in sub-groups, perhaps focused on activities or interests—such as my own work and school. Actually between them I have little time for socialization except with my fellows at each. I've even shared some of my classes with my roommate. That's how we met, both searching for long term residence. Combine and conquer!
I haven't seen all that much difference between metropolitan Canada and metropolitan US. But then I've always had my face in a book (college) so I may not be the best judge.
I don't quite understand your use of 'bohemian.' But persevere and you should be able to integrate yourself into any compatible society if the society is open and you try hard enough.
I haven't heard any disparaging remarks about America (US). Although I'll admit your politics befuddle and boggle my mind! I just have to stick my fingers in my ears or change the channel. To be honest I just don't understand US politics at all. And worse, I'd like to move to US and become naturalized after I establish my career (in healthcare). I'll happily trade our weather for yours, and there is a much greater latitude of choices available since US is such a larger and more diverse country. Much of the Canadian population lives near our southern border and are heavily influenced by US culture.
Okay crazy politics. I'm focused on my career and on my friends and activities. Just please, don't nuke Canada! We are your friends! Nuke us and you had better find another source of canola oil. (Canola = "Canada" + "oil low acid"—or some sources say it was merely copying other oils ending in -ola) We produce maybe 2/3 of your canola oil! Admittedly I don't use canola oil because it is mostly GMO. I use EVOO instead (olive oil). My only opinion on GMO is that why take the chance when there are plenty of non-GMO foods to pick from? The use of olive oil comes from antiquity, not from a test tube!
I will be moving to a place I already hate.I have just sold my home to move but it looks like I will not be happy. I am considering staying. It is miserable.
I have lived in a place I hate for 3 1/2 years now. Texas. Texas blows! I used to live in a place with beautiful scenery, seasons, and gorgeous trails where I could run, walk, hike or bike. Now I live in north Texas, where there is nothing pretty, nature is very blah, and it's always so hot that even if there was something nice to check out you'd die of heat stroke within minutes anyway. I've made some ok friends, but it's not always the easiest finding fun loving, down for anything, friends when you are in your 30's. Those were the life long friends I had before I relocated for work. I too feel like I am serving out a prison sentence. I moved here with my bf of 8 years (we don't believe in marriage or see the point of it, in case anyone is wondering). The biggest thing keeping me here now (aside from the fact that the economy is great and we are doing well financially) is that my bf loves it here. He is a lot more tame than I am does not like to party, and therefore has no problem making friends (since most people here are lame as ****). He gotten a great job and everyone loves him here. He wants to be here forever, and I can't blame him. He does not want me to unhappy and has said he understands if I need to leave, but he cannot leave. And I do not want to be without him. He keeps saying that us being in Texas is temporary since I am unhappy, but clearly there is no end in sight. So now I am faced with being miserable here, or moving to a better place but being miserable without him. I don't know how to cope.
I have lived in a place I hate for 3 1/2 years now. Texas. Texas blows! I used to live in a place with beautiful scenery, seasons, and gorgeous trails where I could run, walk, hike or bike. Now I live in north Texas, where there is nothing pretty, nature is very blah, and it's always so hot that even if there was something nice to check out you'd die of heat stroke within minutes anyway. I've made some ok friends, but it's not always the easiest finding fun loving, down for anything, friends when you are in your 30's. Those were the life long friends I had before I relocated for work. I too feel like I am serving out a prison sentence. I moved here with my bf of 8 years (we don't believe in marriage or see the point of it, in case anyone is wondering). The biggest thing keeping me here now (aside from the fact that the economy is great and we are doing well financially) is that my bf loves it here. He is a lot more tame than I am does not like to party, and therefore has no problem making friends (since most people here are lame as ****). He gotten a great job and everyone loves him here. He wants to be here forever, and I can't blame him. He does not want me to unhappy and has said he understands if I need to leave, but he cannot leave. And I do not want to be without him. He keeps saying that us being in Texas is temporary since I am unhappy, but clearly there is no end in sight. So now I am faced with being miserable here, or moving to a better place but being miserable without him. I don't know how to cope.
Texas does indeed suck. I live in Houston, which is about as bad as Dallas. The pollution, intense heat, humidity, and dirty feel of this concrete jungle suck. Also, like Dallas, there is no scenery or natural beauty whatsoever.
I lived in the Pacific NW for 12 years. Hated every stinkin minute of it.
You have to have an escape plan. Do everything to make your plan happen. Took me way too long, but when I found an avenue to escape I jumped on it.
Been out of that pit for two years and have never been happier. I love Texas. I love the heat, the people, the crazy weather, everything. I haven't been cold or shivered for two years, just a blessing.
Texas does indeed suck. I live in Houston, which is about as bad as Dallas. The pollution, intense heat, humidity, and dirty feel of this concrete jungle suck. Also, like Dallas, there is no scenery or natural beauty whatsoever.
Austin is probably the nicest place in Texas. I would live in Houston or Dallas in a heartbeat over where I live now (Oklahoma City). OKC has all the negatives of the large Texas cities without the positives like a diverse population and abundant entertainment options. If I could live anywhere though it would probably be either Denver, Charlotte, or somewhere in the northeast. I lived in Charlotte before I made the mistake of moving back to OKC in 2012 and I loved every minute of it. I still kick myself for making that move.
Right now, I am hoping to be out of here in 2020.
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Nuke us and you had better find another source of canola oil. (Canola = "Canada" + "oil low acid"—or some sources say it was merely copying other oils ending in -ola) We produce maybe 2/3 of your canola oil! 
