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Old 05-03-2015, 09:32 PM
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
10,135 posts, read 7,673,961 times
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I noticed something peculiar and hypocritical about my female friend - She has no problem with lesbians (which is a good thing of course), BUT when it comes to gay men she can get nasty.

For example, when lesbians are shown making out, she has no problem with them - She has even said that they are aesthetic and that gay guys look gross in comparison. She badmouths gay men, and yet at the same time she's told me that she likes to watch lesbian Youtubers.

Not to mention, when attractive guys are gay (Ricky Martin, Wentworth Miller) she stubbornly disbelieves it and goes like "they're too hot". Her idea of a gay man is campy, sassy and quirky. She won't like it if it's a hot one.

I just don't get this "psychology" of hers. I'm a closeted gay man (at least to her). I get angry when she does this in front of me. She's a married woman, btw. Would you call her insecure or plain sexist? What's the psychology behind a woman who isn't into gay men but has no problem with lesbians?
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Old 05-04-2015, 01:16 AM
 
25,913 posts, read 28,290,533 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Theropod View Post
What's the psychology behind a woman who isn't into gay men but has no problem with lesbians?
I think what it comes down to is this type of person thinks men are superior to women. When they see women acting "like men" (in their way of thinking), that's less offensive because men are superior, so 2 women acting like men is understandable. But when men act "like women" such as 2 men kissing or some other graphic image coming into their minds, they just can't handle it, because for them it is men acting like women and this is a major affront to their entire way of thinking. For most people who think this way, it is usually unconscious.
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Old 05-04-2015, 09:56 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 10,946,868 times
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She just does not like gay men. I would see that as her prerogative. So be it!

Note there are men who do not like "this or that" too. All is "fair" in love and war they say...
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Old 05-04-2015, 01:02 PM
 
25,913 posts, read 28,290,533 times
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Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
She just does not like gay men. I would see that as her prerogative. So be it!

Note there are men who do not like "this or that" too. All is "fair" in love and war they say...
That's an overly simplistic assessment. When you dislike a whole group of people in broad brush fashion, it's usually because you're making some erroneous assumptions.
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Old 05-04-2015, 02:02 PM
 
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She's could be bi if she gets turned on by looking at women making out, and she probably has a big ego that is ticked that there is a certain subset of men who wouldn't want her.
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Old 05-04-2015, 02:34 PM
 
25,913 posts, read 28,290,533 times
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Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
She's could be bi if she gets turned on by looking at women making out, and she probably has a big ego that is ticked that there is a certain subset of men who wouldn't want her.
I didn't think of that. Seems unlikely, but not out of the question.
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Old 05-04-2015, 03:56 PM
 
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Sounds like she is a lesbian to me. If she thinks gay guys can only be fem,sissy; then how about lesbians being butch, biaches and such? Plenty of super hot guys are gay.
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Old 05-04-2015, 10:02 PM
 
Location: the Permian Basin
4,181 posts, read 3,043,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
She's could be bi if she gets turned on by looking at women making out, and she probably has a big ego that is ticked that there is a certain subset of men who wouldn't want her.
This is exactly correct, on both points.
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Old 05-04-2015, 10:03 PM
 
Location: the Permian Basin
4,181 posts, read 3,043,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
All is "fair" in love and war they say...
Truth be told, nothing is fair in love or in war.
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Old 05-04-2015, 11:38 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,549 posts, read 23,056,992 times
Reputation: 48435
Quote:
Originally Posted by Theropod View Post
I noticed something peculiar and hypocritical about my female friend - She has no problem with lesbians (which is a good thing of course), BUT when it comes to gay men she can get nasty.

For example, when lesbians are shown making out, she has no problem with them - She has even said that they are aesthetic and that gay guys look gross in comparison. She badmouths gay men, and yet at the same time she's told me that she likes to watch lesbian Youtubers.

Not to mention, when attractive guys are gay (Ricky Martin, Wentworth Miller) she stubbornly disbelieves it and goes like "they're too hot". Her idea of a gay man is campy, sassy and quirky. She won't like it if it's a hot one.

I just don't get this "psychology" of hers. I'm a closeted gay man (at least to her). I get angry when she does this in front of me. She's a married woman, btw. Would you call her insecure or plain sexist? What's the psychology behind a woman who isn't into gay men but has no problem with lesbians?

This does not apply to all Lesbians, but I knew two of them who were completely disgusted by Gay men. It rather shocked me. They were vociferous and nasty to the point where I had to curtail the friendship.

Again, not all - or even most Lesbians act this way. But these two certainly did.

My other guess is that they come from a culture of ethnic group that gives men very little leeway when it comes to the expression of non normative gender roles, but is more comfortable with women who are act in more conventionally masculine ways. Generally speaking, working class people hold these beliefs.

This friend sounds so much like these two former neighbors. When I first met them, they were married. I had no idea that they were closeted Lesbians. Finally, they came out.

Before they did, in retrospect, as seemingly straight women, their interest in Gay men and in men who they perceived as "effeminate" was off the charts. Yet they had nothing but respect for Lesbians.

They were also both from working class backgrounds and one came from a culture that is not known for it's receptivity towards Gay men.
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