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I am now 29 about to be 30 and looking back over my life, I have very fond, nostalgic memories of my early 20s. The years roughly from age 20 through 25 were the best of my life. Though those years were not totally carefree and I did have my ups and downs, there was a magic to those days that I find impossible to recreate today. By this, I mean there were things I did in my early 20s that were so exciting then but today I don't get near the joy from them. Things like getting hammered at the club until last call and then stuffing myself at Waffle House and feeling fine the next morning. Those days were a blast! Today, I dread going to nightclubs and when I leave, all I have is a ring in my ear and the expectation of a hangover the next day.
At 29, I am expected by society to be mature and project an image that I have everything together and I am nowhere close to where a man my age should be. At 23, I could be myself, have fun, and just live life. Everything felt different then than it does today. The world had a shine to it that is gone at 29.
Also, when I was 26 going on 27 I fell into a severe depression that I still have not recovered from.
Are our early 20s the best years of our lives? I get depressed thinking that the best life has to offer is already behind me and its all downhill from here. Is this just me or can anybody else relate?
Last edited by bawac34618; 06-16-2015 at 04:43 PM..
I'm in my early 60's, and I think it depends on what you value in life.
If you value having fun and being carefree, then the 20's are usually the best (the exception being if you are a man and have enough money to attract the babes).
If you value being cared for and having no responsibility, than childhood is the best (assuming you have great parents).
If you value career and/or marriage, then life doesn't really start to get good until you start climbing the ladder of your chosen career or you marry the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Well, you get the idea! (For me, it was my 20's and 30's.)
A word of advice, though: if you want to continue to have fun, then I strongly suggest that you maintain your health and appearance, stay active, and keep looking for new experiences. It has been my observation that the unhappiest people are those who have let themselves become sedentary and overweight and who almost never vary their routine.
Frankly, OP, your 20s sound pretty damn typical. They're the years when many folks are quite healthy, unattached, able to take some risks in their professional lives, and have the energy to party hardy.
Then you grow up.
It sounds as if your depression has to do with the fact that you haven't come to terms with growing up. Yes, it could be a clinical depression for other reasons, but you don't indicate anything else. So stop being Peter Pan. You are an adult and some of the things that were fun and exciting in your early 20s just won't cut it any more.
But there are many pleasures in not being a dumb party-animal, in aging well, in settling down. Don't be afraid of them. You will discover that being "grown" can be a lot of fun if you have a realistic attitude about it. (My 20s were the most crazy unsettled years of my life and frankly I was happy to get a job, get married and be sure that the lights would still be on when I came home.) But if you need some therapeutic help to get that attitude adjustment (or medication to help with the depression), go for it. You're only here once and it's a shame to think that your life is over at 30. Cause it isn't.
It sounds as if your depression has to do with the fact that you haven't come to terms with growing up. Yes, it could be a clinical depression for other reasons, but you don't indicate anything else. So stop being Peter Pan. You are an adult and some of the things that were fun and exciting in your early 20s just won't cut it any more.
That may be a contributing factor.
My depression is largely because of these facts. When I was in my early twenties I was living the life I wanted to live in a large city on the east coast, continually having new and exciting experiences. I did what I wanted to do and took risks, some of them turning out well and others being big failures. Today, I am living a mundane, routine life in small, boring Oklahoma City as a slave to my debt from poor financial decisions. I have a decent but unfulfilling job and am wondering what I am going to do with the rest of my life. One thing I know is that society expects me to have a wife, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence by age 30 and that isn't where I am at. Career-wise I feel like I am falling behind but am not sure what I can do about it other than go back to school, which I don't have the time nor money for.
I think in many ways I have come to terms with growing up. Some of the risks I took in my early twenties...I look back on wondering what I was thinking and am glad I made it through unscathed. I have friends in the 18-25 age group and sometimes they try to pull me into things that make me cringe, yet 5 years ago I would have been totally on board with them. I am mature enough today that I look at things more "big picture" than a 22 year old usually does and I really evaluate risk. The issue is that "growing up" doesn't look like I thought it would and I miss the joy and excitement of my younger, more carefree days.
I enjoyed my early twenties. I wasn't the stereotypical clubber or party animal, didn't run wild in any sense (was never a burgeoning desire of mine) but I spent them traveling, living in different cities and countries, exploring different professional pursuits, just living pretty free and easy. I spent several years in a Peace Corps-like volunteer program, which took me a lot of places and I learned a lot from the people I worked with, different cultures, different jobs, etc. I wasn't in the market for settling into a career, getting into a serious relationship, starting a family, or any of that in my early twenties. I just wanted to explore the world and life, so I did.
I'm glad I did it when I did it. At this stage of my life (upper thirties), my focus is different, and a lot of where and who I am now is directly related to the experiences I had then. I don't subscribe to the notion of times past being "the best time of my life." I'm pretty good about making NOW, whatever "now" happens to be, the best time of my life.
One thing I know is that society expects me to have a wife, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence by age 30 and that isn't where I am at.
If it makes you feel any better, I didn't have or want any of that (subbing husband for wife) at 30, and it was and is totally fine. Society doesn't expect it of you. Perhaps individuals in your life do, but in the end, the only person's opinion on any of that that matters is yours.
My 20's were not good, I had a lot of issues, family, financial and romantic. I didn't really start getting to live the life I wanted until I was close to 40, but in general from 26 on up every year got better than the one before.
My best years were in high school. My 20's sucked. My 30's sucked. Life felt good again in my 40's. Now I'm almost 50 and things are pretty good. I've found that some of the same things that made me happy in HS make me happy now, and I've found ways to recapture them (not getting high in the bathroom stall and making out under the bleachers, but things like competing in sports).
My depression is largely because of these facts. When I was in my early twenties I was living the life I wanted to live in a large city on the east coast, continually having new and exciting experiences. I did what I wanted to do and took risks, some of them turning out well and others being big failures. Today, I am living a mundane, routine life in small, boring Oklahoma City as a slave to my debt from poor financial decisions. I have a decent but unfulfilling job and am wondering what I am going to do with the rest of my life. One thing I know is that society expects me to have a wife, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence by age 30 and that isn't where I am at. Career-wise I feel like I am falling behind but am not sure what I can do about it other than go back to school, which I don't have the time nor money for.
I think in many ways I have come to terms with growing up. Some of the risks I took in my early twenties...I look back on wondering what I was thinking and am glad I made it through unscathed. I have friends in the 18-25 age group and sometimes they try to pull me into things that make me cringe, yet 5 years ago I would have been totally on board with them. I am mature enough today that I look at things more "big picture" than a 22 year old usually does and I really evaluate risk. The issue is that "growing up" doesn't look like I thought it would and I miss the joy and excitement of my younger, more carefree days.
From my perspective as well, growing up sucks. I'm a year younger than you and I can relate to your experiences. My values and society's values have come to have minimal overlap, and thus I feel much more alienated now than I ever have before. I used to find fulfillment in friendships, but those friendships were built around commonalities that no longer exist. I've been patient with "giving things a chance to develop" (whatever that means--maturation of my thoughts, mostly) before taking any drastic action, but at some point if I don't luck into a better niche than what I currently occupy I'm just going to say **** it and live completely unconventionally. I already live unconventionally to some extent but I also retain familial attachments and conventional concerns that linger from my earlier years. Had I not had severe anxiety issues from age 18-21 I'd be living a much different life, I can say that much.
From my perspective as well, growing up sucks. I'm a year younger than you and I can relate to your experiences. My values and society's values have come to have minimal overlap, and thus I feel much more alienated now than I ever have before. I used to find fulfillment in friendships, but those friendships were built around commonalities that no longer exist. I've been patient with "giving things a chance to develop" (whatever that means--maturation of my thoughts, mostly) before taking any drastic action, but at some point if I don't luck into a better niche than what I currently occupy I'm just going to say **** it and live completely unconventionally. I already live unconventionally to some extent but I also retain familial attachments and conventional concerns that linger from my earlier years. Had I not had severe anxiety issues from age 18-21 I'd be living a much different life, I can say that much.
I totally understand what you are saying and can relate.
I had a pretty easy time making friends when I was in my early twenties but now most of those friends either live in a different state or are married w/kids so we've grown apart. When you are younger its easier to make friends around common interests or experiences. By your late twenties, everyone is focused on settling down and raising a family.
I am with you on the living unconventional thing. I have to take care of some of my debt over the next few years but as soon as I can, I am going to make a pretty significant life change, though I am not yet sure what it will look like.
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