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I also think there is, in general, a void regarding the general population's understanding of narcissistic personality disorder. Similar to how "being so OCD" gets kicked around colloquially in ways that have no real connection to actual clinical pathology, there seems to be a trend of slapping the "narcissist" label on anybody who is, well, a dick, and/or manipulative. Not all bad behavior is the result of this particular pathology.
I hear this a lot and I think the assessment is WAY overblown. I'm not saying this is you (or that your ex wasn't who you describe him to be) but there's almost always a second side to the story that doesn't get told. In the cases where I've been witness, I've seen 1 of 2 things:
1) The dynamic of the relationship revolves around both partners taking aggressive shots at one another as part of their "joking banter". Neither of them realize that constantly berating one another is unhealthy and everyone around them thinks they're insane.
2) The overly confident person who claims they were "broken down" was actually wrong and/or made poor independent decisions on several important occasions that dramatically affected one or both of the people. The "break down" was an attempt at getting the person to see their flaws and practice better judgment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
I also think there is, in general, a void regarding the general population's understanding of narcissistic personality disorder. Similar to how "being so OCD" gets kicked around colloquially in ways that have no real connection to actual clinical pathology, there seems to be a trend of slapping the "narcissist" label on anybody who is, well, a dick, and/or manipulative. Not all bad behavior is the result of this particular pathology.
Yes and no. Narcissism is on the rise and empathy is on the decline, particularly among young people. So I don't necessarily think its overused, depending on who you're talking to.
I'm careful about differentiating between full-blown NPD and narcissistic traits. My father had empathy, so I can't say he was full-blown. My eldest sister however, oh, I could write a book on that one. And she has all the traits of a sociopath, too. Crikey. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that some of those who named her executor of their estates and then died within 18 months were helped along by her somehow.
My ex-SO has more traits than my father, but less than my sister. He might very well have full-blown NPD, but I say that only because I've seen his family dynamic, and I can totally see where his father may have stomped my ex-SO's developing self into dust and tried to remake the guy in his image, and his mother alternating between being cold and passive-aggressively punitive (she was a great one for silent treatments) and overcompensating by doting on him when his father was particularly awful. I would feel bad for my ex-SO--if I knew who he actually was.
Yes and no. Narcissism is on the rise and empathy is on the decline, particularly among young people. So I don't necessarily think its overused, depending on who you're talking to.
I don't necessarily agree. I'm in the midst of a lot of clinical psych coursework, right now, with a lot of adjuncts who are practicing in the field, and this has come up a lot. It really does seem to be the hot thing to toss around, and is being applied really loosely, in my experience. Just my perspective. For a while, there, the common armchair diagnosis being colloquially thrown out there to apply to people behaving without regard for others was antisocial personality disorder, the diagnosis formerly known as sociopathy. Now, evidencing selfishness becomes synonymous with NPD. The issue is that there's a lot more to personality disorders (antisocial, narcissistic, or otherwise) than just self-absorption and low empathy. Everybody who's a selfish prick isn't necessarily a clinical narcissist, sometimes they're just people who behave crappily.
(FTR, this isn't directed at you or the people you specifically have experience with...just a general observation at large).
I also think there is, in general, a void regarding the general population's understanding of narcissistic personality disorder. Similar to how "being so OCD" gets kicked around colloquially in ways that have no real connection to actual clinical pathology, there seems to be a trend of slapping the "narcissist" label on anybody who is, well, a dick, and/or manipulative. Not all bad behavior is the result of this particular pathology.
Proportionally, men are much more likely to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), while women are much more likely to have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), both of which share many of the same symptoms. However, unlikely as it may seem based on this discussion, BPD is even nastier on the average than NPD.
So while OCD is more well known among the public, NPD and BPD are hands down the more troublesome disorders, especially from a relational perspective.
I didn't take it as negative criticism. I was questioning your statement because you emphasized "willing" in italics. That, to me, said you were suggesting something.
A lot of psychopaths, sociopaths, other types of predators tend to "create" a willing victim. One of the methods often used is some SOB story that is usually barely believable at face value, but when you take the time to look at the story, you realize it is complete BS. But by that time, you are already in that nightmare.
There are other methods used to create a willing victim.
Most of the narcissists I've known didn't really have enough self-awareness to know they were narcissists. They think THEY really are great. To them, narcissists are losers who just THINK they're great. I'd say they are more likely to go after people they admire because they think they deserve that. It's someone far crueler than merely narcissistic who would target a person "to break." Not to say a narcissist couldn't do that, they just wouldn't even realize that's what they were doing. Me, me, me.
Yeah, narcissists aren't necessarily targeting people to break. That sounds more sociopathic or psychopathic. Narcissists, like you say just have an inflated view of themselves and often feel entitled.
Proportionally, men are much more likely to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), while women are much more likely to have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), both of which share many of the same symptoms. However, unlikely as it may seem based on this discussion, BPD is even nastier on the average than NPD.
So while OCD is more well known among the public, NPD and BPD are hands down the more troublesome disorders, especially from a relational perspective.
All personality disorders have depressingly low effective treatment stats, which makes them terribly troubling.
My bringing up of OCD was not to compare it, just to note that it gets rather overused colloquially and as a flippant catch-all term by some for traits and behaviors that are not actually clinically indicative of true OCD, and the same is increasingly true of NPD.
I don't necessarily agree. I'm in the midst of a lot of clinical psych coursework, right now, with a lot of adjuncts who are practicing in the field, and this has come up a lot. It really does seem to be the hot thing to toss around, and is being applied really loosely, in my experience. Just my perspective. For a while, there, the common armchair diagnosis being colloquially thrown out there to apply to people behaving without regard for others was antisocial personality disorder, the diagnosis formerly known as sociopathy. Now, evidencing selfishness becomes synonymous with NPD. The issue is that there's a lot more to personality disorders (antisocial, narcissistic, or otherwise) than just self-absorption and low empathy. Everybody who's a selfish prick isn't necessarily a clinical narcissist, sometimes they're just people who behave crappily.
(FTR, this isn't directed at you or the people you specifically have experience with...just a general observation at large).
Would you mind writing up a paper on this and sending it out to the New York Times, Washington Post, The Atlantic, all of the BS pseudo news blogs (Buzz, Huffpo, Gawker network, et al.), and the entirety of Twitter/Tumblr/Reddit? Would save me a lot of hate reading, thanks.
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Do narcissists target the weak for relationships?
