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Do you ever forgive? How long does it usually take you to get over something someone has done that offended you, like someone cutting you off in traffic or being rude to you or bumping into you without saying excuse me? Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years? How long (if ever) does it usually take you to forget about it and to stop wanting revenge?
Revenge is negative energy that gives the other person complete control over your emotions. I don't want that in my life. I forgive almost instantly for simple stuff that annoy me. If the action against me really hurts, I have to go into the forgiving process which takes time. I usually forgive quickly so that I can use that energy for something positive.
I pretty much let things go right away. I learned a LONG time ago that people will get what is coming to them from someone else eventually - so I don't need to do a thing!
This happens so often, I'm thinking there really is something to the "karma" business!
I pretty much let things go right away. I learned a LONG time ago that people will get what is coming to them from someone else eventually - so I don't need to do a thing!
This happens so often, I'm thinking there really is something to the "karma" business!
+1
What helps me with the small stuff is by realizing that if I knew what it was like to be in the other persons shoes, I'd totally understand where they are coming from.
Small stuff: Females (on two occasions) have rammed me with their shopping cart. Once at Fred Meyer and another at QFC.
I've been blatantly ran into as if they did it on purpose (like the shopping carts). I know it isn't me getting the wrong idea because a store clerk scolded the first lady that rammed me with her cart. I didn't have to say a thing.
So if someone is a dick, it is because someone (very influential) was a dick to them. It all starts with the parents (or lack of), current and past relationships and their model of the world..
I can get over something that happens unintentionally or in the heat of the moment. I can accept someone might be having a bad day and say or do something they wouldn't normally do.
I can't forgive someone who is continually a jerk though. No need for revenge, but there's also no need to keep dealing with them if you don't have to. Getting away from them gets me away from feelings of revenge.
I try and let things go as quickly as possible. Sometimes it takes a bit of time (healing process and all that), but I know deep down that holding grudges is entirely pointless. Let things go and forgive those who hurt you. They can change and frankly, even if they don't, what does holding onto anger really do? It does nothing to them and only hurts you.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
-Buddha
Do you ever forgive? How long does it usually take you to get over something someone has done that offended you, like someone cutting you off in traffic or being rude to you or bumping into you without saying excuse me? Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years? How long (if ever) does it usually take you to forget about it and to stop wanting revenge?
That sort of thing? Not long at all. Some are gone in minutes, others hours, the worst being a few days.
I do, however, have much more trouble getting over the big things. For example, I have not yet forgiven my brother for neglecting my mother when she was elderly, ill and sometimes alone.
I still think about the young woman who hit me and nearly totaled my car. The accident was deemed my fault, but it wasn't. I was driving; she was texting. I felt pretty angry about that for a while.
Revenge? That takes too much time and energy. I have better things to do.
Rather than trying to coax or force myself to all out "forgive" (Pollyanna style), I have learned to Table the Motion and Pass it Up the Chain of Command.
Let Divinity, the Universe, or the Great Scheme of Things sort it out
HA! That is the whole premise of A Course In Miracles (ACIM)!
(Needless to say, my main interest.)
A study of what forgiveness is would help...there are different kinds....the whys of forgiveness is very important...it's not what most people think of...
'You did something wrong, I am a better person than you, so I will forgive you'....no.
That sort of thing? Not long at all. Some are gone in minutes, others hours, the worst being a few days.
I do, however, have much more trouble getting over the big things. For example, I have not yet forgiven my brother for neglecting my mother when she was elderly, ill and sometimes alone.
I still think about the young woman who hit me and nearly totaled my car. The accident was deemed my fault, but it wasn't. I was driving; she was texting. I felt pretty angry about that for a while.
Revenge? That takes too much time and energy. I have better things to do.
Remember, everyone's past feelings of being slighted are important to them. It's not up to you to dictate to others what's big and what's little. One could argue why didn't you take care of your ill mother instead of expecting your brother to do so? And if you did, that's great! Maybe he had other obligations, like his family or something... I don't know.
At the end of the day, you can't go around telling people what offenses are small or big and then turn around with all of your "important" offenses and expect for people to take you seriously.
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