Am I an alcoholic? (men, adult, relationship, addiction)

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by bawac34618

I think there is a lot of confusion over what alcoholism exactly is. Some people, like yourself, seem to suggest that it is only physical dependence. Others lump in all those who have psychological dependence on the drink regardless of whether or not they are physically addicted.

This is because people are prone to using all kinds of personal definitions when defining alcoholism and/or other addictions. Diagnostic criteria actually does exist for defining various types of addictions and behavior. There are those who do not believe in diagnostic criteria as such, however, and prefer to go with their own, usually highly subjective, personal definitions.

Often, these are functional definitions...like, "If it's not hurting me in any way, it's not a problem." Which is valid...to a point. People are not always willing or able to be realistic or honest about whether or not a given behavior is, in fact, hurting them, so in those cases, that self-assessment may actually not be especially valid. I have a cousin whose thought process is that her behavior is not indicative of addiction, because she doesn't see it as a problem in her life, or as hurting her. The reality is that she is unable to work in her field (she is a teacher, and cannot pass criminal background checks to be cleared to get teaching jobs due to past DWIs and related arrests), and suffers financially because of it. It has also cost her her marriage and custody of her three children (who were in the car with her when charged with a DWI), and she still doesn't see her behavior as hurting her in any way or problematic (only because, as far as I can figure, it hasn't killed her yet). To me, losing my livelihood and my family would constitute "hurting me and a problem." But to people who are strongly in favor of making up their own definition for whether or not they believe they are addicts or suffer substance abuse or dependence problems, such subjectivity is common. Basically, the philosophy of such people is, "It's only a problem if I deem it a problem." This differs from clinical definitions and diagnosis of abuse and addiction, obviously.

Clearly, there are also those who feel strongly that physiological addiction is "real" and pyschological addiction is not, although this stance does fly in the face of neuroscience research. But, again, this is the school of thought that "something's only real if I say it's real."

When it comes to whether or not returning to moderate drinking is possible, I think it depends a great deal on whether that dependence is physical or psychological. People who are physically dependent should never take another sip. The reason is have altered brain chemistry that causes them to respond to alcohol in such a way that after they have that first drink, they cannot control themselves and will keep drinking until one drink becomes ten. I have heard of plenty of others who were habitual problem drinkers, yet not physically addicted, and were able to return to moderate drinking. Being that I can control my drinking i.e. when I am drinking socially I never have a problem stopping after two drinks if need be, my problem is more psychological at this point. That doesn't mean there aren't warning signs or if I kept up my current habit that it wouldn't eventually become physical dependence because there are definite signs I am on my way.

And a lot of if it simply personal comfort levels, as well. Some people find it personally dangerous to even get into the headspace they know they get into when they are drinking, so the abstain altogether, just to err on the side of caution. Knowing yourself and your triggers is key to healthy behavior.

I think its a little of both. I was never around alcohol growing up and my first experience drinking was by myself at an Olive Garden at 21 (sad I know but I had no friends in college thanks to my parents and their fundamentalism). I have always struggled with what normal drinking looks like. During my initial years drinking I was an extreme lightweight. I could have 3-4 drinks and would be so far gone to the point of embarrassment and I would usually not be invited back to parties. Meanwhile, others could put down 7 beers and would be just fine. In fact I didn't develop a real tolerance until I moved back to Oklahoma at age 27 and started drinking heavier. That was also when I started feeling more guilt because of my drinking because of the fundamentalist culture in my area. I started having to justify to people in my life why having a beer with dinner wasn't a sin. Meanwhile I was drinking 3-4 every night by myself, which I have since cut back from.

Amount (to a point, alcohol is still a toxin)/frequency is less important in determining whether or not your drinking is "normal," (again, subjective), as your mental state when drinking, your behavior surrounding drinking, your level of control over your substance use, whether or not your drinking is accompanied by behavior where chemically impaired judgment is a dangerous liability, and your purpose/intent in drinking. These things can make the difference between behavior that is not unhealthy or dangerous, and behavior that is.

You seem, due to your upbringing and personal issues, to be pretty focused on whether or not given behavior is "normal." One thing I would suggest focusing on for you, in general is not necessarily whether or not something is normal...but whether it is healthy for you.

With all of that said, there are some warning signs such as me drinking alone, using alcohol to escape reality, and the fact I sometimes have insomnia after drinking red wine. Becoming buzzed used to put me to sleep and I would sleep through the night. Now, there are times where I will fall asleep for a few hours and then be wide awake and not be able to sleep for the rest of the night. This tends to be a bigger issue after several drinking nights in a row but has occurred before after just a few drinks. I also barely get hangovers anymore, which is a sign of increased tolerance. Those are issues where I think there is some legitimate concern.

I would agree, and the fact that you are conscious of changes and feel that something is going on that's not personally beneficial for you is a good sign that you're being mindful of your own health and well-being. Not a bad sign at all. With everything you have going on, I applaud you for being levelheaded, realistic, and thoughtful regarding your own behavior in this arena.

[CollegiateSchoolNY]

According to what you have divulged, you do meet some risk factors and have symptoms of alcoholism. The only way to know for sure is to not drink for several months and see if it's easy or difficult for you. If you can't last, then you have a problem.

[StAcKhOuSe]

Originally Posted by Radio Flyer

I don't even know what the last half of this statement means.

u aint listenin then

Regardless, it's not about having to ask, it's about thinking you might have a problem means that you do have a problem. Normal drinkers just don't think about it that much!

oh please, the OP is just insecure because they drink alone and almost every day, albeit not that much. hell, ive had what the OP has had in a week in 6 hours, alone, and i dont consider myself an alcoholic. alcoholics go to meetings.

If it's weighing on your mind, it's a problem. Why is this so hard to grasp?

its weighing on their mind because they are depressed about other stuff. they need to see a psychiatrist and get a prescription for xanax(throw some my way), not drink less.

[shaylahc]

I think you're at risk for becoming an alcoholic. I would try and cut back a little...have 4 glasses instead of 5. A month later, cut it back to 3. A month later, 2. Until you get to a point where you are comfortable with your consumption.

My husband's mom was an alcoholic. His Dad is, too, actually. My husband LOVES to drink, mostly beer. I have to monitor his consumption. One of the big ways in which I could tell he was drinking too much is that he started gaining weight. Alcohol is bad for you, it's just calories. So you will find if you drink too much, you will start to gain weight.

[earslikeacat]

No one can diagnose another as an alcoholic. From your post I can see a lot of thought, counting and planning seems to be ruling your life. It is the obsession here that probobly puts u in the beginning stages of a drinking problem. From what I found in literature, try to abstain for 1 year. Not a drop. If you cannot, you may then have full knowledge of your condition. I speak with a fair amount of research performed by myself years ago. No one needs to go to skid row level before getting help. Quit before you begin having consequences! Hint-people without a drinking problem don.t question themselves. If u think u have a problem, you probably do. Try abstinence: if it fails, go to AA. Best of luck!

[Jukesgrrl]

One of the key points you have made, bawak, is your statement, "I find it difficult to cut drinking all together." No matter how often or how much alcohol you consume, the fact that the drink is controlling you to a certain degree, rather than the opposite, is the concerning factor. Another key factor is that you seem to be drinking to "get out" of the feelings you have or the mood you are in naturally. That's what indicates to me that alcoholic beverages are more than just casual, social "drinks" to you. They are deliberate attempts to alter your mindset. That's not good. All of us should wake up willing and able to live without the crutch of adopting an alternate personality or feeling. And if we can't do that, we need to address the root causes.

It's very common for people who are prone to depression, whether that comes episodically or as a constant state, to drink alcoholically. That's because alcohol is, at first, raising our spirits. That is a welcome relief when we are depressed. Being "buzzed," as you say, is better than being our gloomy selves. But in the long run, being under the influence on a regular basis will actually further depress the part of the brain that creates endorphins, the chemical that lifts us out of depression. Not to mention, when we are drunk we are liable to do things that get us in trouble and make our lives harder than they need to be.

Since you are not at the black-out stage yet you really haven't descended to the depths of alcoholism. And maybe you haven't yet begun being chronically late for work, been caught driving drunk, or been dumped by a friend or loved one because they are sick of your drinking and/or your moods. But why wait for it to get to that stage?

As you have probably guessed, I am a recovering alcoholic. I quit drinking first "to set an example" when my boyfriend ended up in rehab. I didn't think I drank alcoholically and most of our friends also failed to see me as a person with a problem. But the truth was, when I stopped drinking I realized that I was miserable. I had never been having tons of drinks, but I NEEDED the drinks I had been having. Without them I realized how depressed I was and how many jackpots I was in the way I was living my life. (Normal, educated, well-employed 28-year-old women don't fall madly in love with felons who are mandated to rehab by the courts)

I went to AA meetings with my boyfriend when he got out of rehab. I was there for him, not myself. But the messages that I heard there seemed addressed to me as well. First and foremost I heard: Why fall all the way down to the bottom of a ladder before you start climbing back up again? We don't have to get to blackouts, arrests, divorce, job losses, etc., before we take steps to address our problem.

Of course you don't want to stop drinking. No one in their normal American mind does! It started out as fun. But it isn't fun for you now, or you wouldn't have written that letter. You are worried about yourself and the pattern you are in. Which is the good news. Because your life can still be productive, positive, and even FUN, without alcohol. Mine has been for decades now, even though I still have to deal with depression.

But that's a place most of us need help to get to. Merely stopping drinking through force of will won't do it. We turn into what AA calls "dry drunks." Dry drunks are sober, but they are still the same unhappy, dysfunctional people they were before. That's what drove them to drink beyond the normal social way in the first place.

People have a lot of misconceptions about AA. First and foremost, people don't realize you can try it out without making any promises or commitments. It's free and non-confrontational. You can go to some meetings, take a seat, and although you will probably be welcomed by a greeter, no one will force you to participate. Just go and listen. They will pass a basket for donations (groups have to pay rent at most of the places where AA meetings are held). But no one will look at you sideways if you don't put anything in. Most AA meetings end with a prayer but no one will force you to participate in that either. Some of us who are in recovery are atheists or agnostics. We just stand in the circle and listen to the prayers. AA puts forth the notion that a "power greater than ourselves" helps us get sober, but that "power" can be the power of the group, it doesn't have to be God or religion unless you want it to be. (And please note, AA defines God as "the God of our understanding," not as the God of any specific religion.)

My advice to you is to check out a few AA meetings and see if what you hear there applies to you. Maybe you will decide you aren't an alcoholic and, if so, you are under no obligation to keep attending. One of the most basic tenets of AA is, "Take what you like and leave the rest." Try out a couple of meetings, they're as different as the people who attend them. I know one meeting that is a favorite of people in motorcycle gangs. I know another meeting that has a lot of Orthodox Jews in attendance. I know of meetings that are mostly high school kids.

There are meetings specifically for beginners, discussion meetings, women- or men-only meetings, Spanish-speaking meetings, meeting that have deaf interpreters, online meetings, etc., etc. In most cities of any size there are meetings morning, afternoon, and night every day of the week. The bigger the meeting the more variety of people you'll meet there. And I assure you that you WILL find people there who are a lot like you. People of your age and background. People who started out not being sure that drinking was even a "real" problem for them. But most of us who stick around find our lives changing drastically for the better after we adopt some of the things we learn at AA. I'm one of them.

Best of luck to you. Alcoholics Anonymous : Find Local A.A.

[rosebyanothername]

I am a recovering alcoholic. Yes, you should go to an AA meeting. Your drinking sounds so much how mine was when I was your age. I wish I had given AA a chance back then. My life would have been completely different and I would have been spared so many heartbreaking incidents, as well as spared hurt towards loved ones in my life. When I was your age, I was concerned about my drinking--just like you. I would not let anyone's post suggesting that you don't have a problem, they drink as much or more than you and they are not alcoholic--you are fine--sway you. Only you can determine if you are an alcoholic or not. If anyone says, "bawac, you are not alcoholic" please do not listen. Anyone who knows anything at all about alcoholism knows that the only person who can tell if you are an alcoholic or not is you.

I suggest you try a few AA meetings. Listen to real alcoholics share their own experiences with alcohol. There are also websites which are for alcoholics and you will learn more about AA as well as hear from others in recovery as well. Good luck to you. I hope that you are not alcoholic. If you are, I hope that you are willing to get help.




(And to the atheist who posted about not being able to join AA because of that.... you are misinformed....I know quite a few atheists who are in AA and alot of them have been sober for years. The only requirement of AA is the desire to quit drinking. They do suggest in recovery to have a Higher Power. There are folks whose HP is other people in the rooms, the meetings themselves. My HP is God, although I do not preach to others. It is up to the individual)

[dpm1]

Originally Posted by rosebyanothername

I am a recovering alcoholic. Yes, you should go to an AA meeting. Your drinking sounds so much how mine was when I was your age. I wish I had given AA a chance back then. My life would have been completely different and I would have been spared so many heartbreaking incidents, as well as spared hurt towards loved ones in my life. When I was your age, I was concerned about my drinking--just like you. I would not let anyone's post suggesting that you don't have a problem, they drink as much or more than you and they are not alcoholic--you are fine--sway you. Only you can determine if you are an alcoholic or not. If anyone says, "bawac, you are not alcoholic" please do not listen. Anyone who knows anything at all about alcoholism knows that the only person who can tell if you are an alcoholic or not is you.

I suggest you try a few AA meetings. Listen to real alcoholics share their own experiences with alcohol. There are also websites which are for alcoholics and you will learn more about AA as well as hear from others in recovery as well. Good luck to you. I hope that you are not alcoholic. If you are, I hope that you are willing to get help.




(And to the atheist who posted about not being able to join AA because of that.... you are misinformed....I know quite a few atheists who are in AA and alot of them have been sober for years. The only requirement of AA is the desire to quit drinking. They do suggest in recovery to have a Higher Power. There are folks whose HP is other people in the rooms, the meetings themselves. My HP is God, although I do not preach to others. It is up to the individual)

AA is not a results based program and is no more effective than quitting cold turkey. OP avoid AA like the plague, speak with a mental health professional if you feel you need to.

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-effectiveness.html

[Truewalker]

If you want to be gay,drink,smoke,do drugs or have sex with cows then do it.This is America and you have the right to be free to do what you want with yourself.Be happy for crying out loud.If something or someone is making you sad then deal with it.There is always help if you need it but you have to deal with it or it will cause you to hide behind it.Life is simple,eat,****,sleep and do it again.When did this get hard to do?If you can not take care of yourself the government will provide for you.Be thankful you live in such a country.So long as we have a mighty military you have nothing to be sad about.No person or thing is going to cause you to be sad.We are all here for one another.So again,if you think you need help,get it and move on with your life free of what ever the problem may be.The government,police,fellow Americans and military are in place to protect you from people and things that try to make you sad.(CATCH-22) ~Americans have the right to be sad if they wish~Well there it is in a nutshell,you decide.

[das8929]

I probably drink 8 beers every night on average, but don't really like liquor. Doesn't really seem to affect me, I like to run and exercise. It kinda just helps me calm down and go to bed.