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Old 08-27-2015, 03:25 PM
 
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Simplest solution - don't take him to the shops.
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,599 posts, read 1,802,512 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
Ok I think your hub is slowly sliding into some sort of hoarding illness.

They always START slowly, seem reasonable >>>the "save us money" justification.

Then before you know it stuff is dropping out of every cupboard.

He needs to look hard and question what is making him SO insecure...did he have an impoverished childhood?

It could also be a sign of early onset dementia - I hope not - but you don't give us his age.
I was going to bring this up. I used to work with a guy who grew up in another country extremely poor. Like went without eating often, possibly homeless, dirt poor. Somehow he managed to escape that and come to the US and get a good job, but he turned into a terrible hoarder. Another coworker of mine had actually been to his house once and said he had stuff everywhere, like stacked to the ceiling. Every second of his free time he was trying to figure out how to get free stuff. Even if there was no way he would ever use or need it, if it was free he HAD to have it. He would ask us about things advertised "what is this? how do you use it? it's free right?" He was even caught stuffing leftover food from a work party into his bag once.

I also remember seeing an interview with Shania Twain, who also grew up extremely poor. Even though she is very wealthy now and will always have an excess of money, she still can not cook more food then what they can eat at one meal and if there somehow are leftovers, she packs it up carefully and makes sure it gets eaten before it goes bad. If I remember correctly she also refuses to hire a chef and makes all her meals because she fears wasting or running out of food.

When you grow up in dire situations, they can affect you long tern even if your circumstances change dramatically for the better. If this is true for your SO, he may need some help before he gets out if control.
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Kansas
25,788 posts, read 21,942,589 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennies4Penny View Post
10 packages of cookies Lol!!

I never buy things we don't need, but I have a really hard time paying full price for things like clothes, shoes, makeup, stuff for the house... I pretty much only buy those things on sale, clearanced, with coupons etc. I think they overpriced and knowing they will be marked down in just a few months anyway makes me mad!
This is what I do also ^^^ and I know a lot of people that do this. I consider it within the normal range. When you buy things that you don't need and won't use or eat just because they are on sale and throw them away, I think that isn't within the normal range. Is there any chance though that there might be an upcoming event where these cookies could be useful and the husband is just planning ahead? I know a lot of people buy things like this and freeze them for later.

I love a bargain but it isn't a bargain if I don't use it or throw it away.
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:41 PM
 
Location: MA
1,623 posts, read 1,718,454 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
Simplest solution - don't take him to the shops.

Well he is an adult so he can shop online or go on his own. I'm wondering how I should address this with him?
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:44 PM
 
Location: MA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Setting ground rules (and having the person participate in creating them, not creating a dynamic where you're laying down the law and policing a grown adult - also why I'm skeptical of the "just tell him he's allowed not to buy anymore _____" advice as effective or healthy) is a valid strategy.

I know we have limited pantry space. If I see my husband eyeing the dried pasta deal of the week in Aldi or wherever, I remind him that the dry goods area at home is pretty full, and that we really don't NEED six boxes of penne, good deal or not. I mention that by the time we're low on pasta, they or someone else will have just as good a deal, they come up all the time. He's like, "You're right." I think he gets blinded by the deal, and forgets that every week, there's some deal or another, and if we're not out of some essential, we can wait till it comes around again, and if we have room/the need, pick it up then. It's not like we're stranded in the outback dependent upon food drops. There's no need to stockpile in our limited space. For real. There are something like five food stores within a three mile radius.

This is what I'm thinking. There are always good deals and we will drive ourselves insane trying to buy every good deal they put out.
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
Simplest solution - don't take him to the shops.
Which is cool, unless he wants to go, or shops on his own.

OP, just develop a plan for food shopping with him. Don't lecture him, just break down the inventory problem. Note that food may spoil/go stale/freezerburnt in the time it will take to use up the inventory, and that space is at a premium. Sometimes this kind of stocking up behavior is a control issue...you can help make a person feel in control by putting him in charge of maintaining an inventory. Decide together what is a reasonable amount of pantry/fridge staples you can go through in a reasonable time (there are lots of templates for this in cooking and general housekeeping and organizational resources, both online and off). Have him maintain the list of where your supplies are, in terms of restocking. What's running low, what you need for any planned immediate future meal plans, etc. Don't restock anything that doesn't need to be restocked. Set up a system with him where you do inventory in, inventory out. Unless you live remotely and have fairly good storage (this was my reality growing up rurally, and stocking up made more sense in that case), there is no huge need to make sure a bunker of food is always available.

The thing with deals is that there is always another deal. Every week. I can think of no instance in which I stood in the grocery store aisle and flagellated myself that the lasagna noodles are now 1.19, when if only I'd bought them two weeks ago, they were three for one, and I could have picked up three (THREE!)...never mind that I had no intention of making lasagna then, probably am not gonna make it now, and really realistically only make lasagna a time or two a year, if that.
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Old 08-27-2015, 03:56 PM
 
Location: City Data Land
17,156 posts, read 12,912,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brrabbit View Post
A dollar saved is a dollar and 30 cents earned. So, it ain't bad. But make him eat those cookies and don't let them go to waste
And therein lies the rub: the myth of the "sale" item and "coupons." Sales and coupons only save you money if you were going to purchase that item no matter what. For instance, say you get a coupon for $1.00 off a package of originally priced $3.00 chocolate chip cookies. You purchase the cookies despite the fact that you only like peanut butter cookies. You reason, "I save $1.00 by buying this other flavor. What a great deal!" After purchase, the now $2.00 package of nonpreferred chocolate chip cookies gets relegated to a dark, dusty corner of your pantry, goes stale, and eventually gets discarded. In this everyday scenario, you didn't save $1.00; you wasted the $2.00 you should have spent on the peanut butter cookies you prefer. So before you jump on that "great deal," make sure it's a great deal TO YOU. Because if YOU (or the intended recipient) won't use the sale item, it's overpriced no matter how cheap it is.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:17 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,224,411 times
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Ok heres what you need to get him doing>>>spreadsheet.

If he gets really into it, he will realize that specials are cyclical. If you miss the coffee special at one store, it'll be at the next, or repeated in 4-6 weeks or so. I shop around insanely for things I use often, like pasta, coffee, toilet paper, deodorant, rice, fresh veges. Buying in bulk, unless excessively cheap, is a waste of time and compromises freshness therefore Quality of Life, usually something a food hoarder can understand (I am one too, even built a walk in pantry and had 2 freezers for all my supplies).

As part of setting it all up, a correct inventory of what you already have must be made, also what you actually use, so an accurate assessment of when to buy can be made.

See what I'm suggesting here? If you distract him with defined limits, challenges (couponing) etc you can turn this trait into a massive money saver.

If its a food thing, he needs to know that whatever he may wish to eat is supplied. If its about hoarding, its a whole different thing and it will just keep escalating so I'm thinking an attempt to funnel it into a helpful obsession like couponing and spreadsheeting, will at least not destroy.

I dunno, its tough not knowing the man, and how much escalation you have seen in what time. Some folk have harmless quirks but this one seems like its worrying you.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:47 PM
 
Location: USA
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My mother stockpiled food and items on sale. My dad commented it was her hobby. When one of their 3 children visited they were sent home with a large amount of food, toilet tissue, paper towels and misc. We were all used to it and she would have been disappointed had we decided not to accept anything. When my two children grew up and had their own family, she did the same for them.

Her specialties were cinnamon rolls, Aunt Bill's Brown Candy, peach or apricot fried pies, strawberry preserves and noodles.
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Old 08-27-2015, 04:50 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,224,411 times
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I actually think its something I inherited from my mother, a war baby.

My school friends mum had an actual bomb shelter that looked like a supermarket. There was an airbase nearby and these women had memories of WWII threats - not that there ever was any, but it was possible, and they all had rationing which was deprivation by itself.

I think it was genetically printed on me, somehow. Or maybe starving ancestors.
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