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I really just have to vent... I don't know if it's a local thing or a regional thing or a southern thing or an American thing, but all the "niceless" everywhere lately is really giving me a pain. It's such a cliché...
Nearly every news story on the local news features someone fake-crying about a situation (fire, theft, death, etc.) followed by a GOFUNDME link given by the newscaster. Someone gets sick, goes missing, or dies locally, and there are balloon releases, candlelight vigils, the wearing of team colors, and of course the ever-present fundraisers and charity drives. This "in honor of" and that "in honor of." Seriously, balloon releases just cause pollution, and wildlife gets caught in the string when they land.
But it automatically makes everyone who does this so "nice." (no fund drives for the poor wildlife)
Other than the money (and, honestly, most people already have health insurance and even life insurance in place to cover expenses; do those who usually complain about being poor themselves really have all this money to give to strangers), how do such symbolic gestures help other than making givers feel smug? I guess it helps "to know people care," but money won't bring a loved one back.
It seems a sympathy card or concrete assistance (meals delivered when one is too bereft to cook) is out of fashion because it's not as impressive on TV or social media. It's become "passé" and replaced with melodramatic public displays in which people participate en masse. It also seems one particular event is singled out for lavish outpourings while others, for whatever reason, go unmentioned entirely.
Can someone explain this recent social phenomenon or at least commiserate with my irritation at it?
A couple things, and I'm not sure if I am getting to your point, but:
-I think the balloon releases, ribbons on trees, etc are a way for some people to mourn or for some people to show the person that lost someone that they care about them
-The fundme thing is different. Financially help someone out of a difficult time. Obviously this is abused by some, but also makes the one that donates feel better about themselves and is normally a nominal amount. It is just using money that may go to a charity and giving straight to a person. I can't imagine doing fundme one way or another.
I guess both are to help people feel better about themselves in some way. I have no problem with either.
I don't think that what you're describing is "niceness" so much as "public displays of empathy, whether genuine or manufactured."
In these days of social media, and news outlets that regurgitate "what's trending" on social media as a news story, there is this need among many to publicly display how wonderfully empathic they are, whether they really are or not.
If a group of people die in an accident, for example, I'm more likely to privately pray for them and their loved ones, and privately give some support, like a donation, etc. But what we see in the media are not the private "nice" people, but the "look at me!" nice people who get together and release balloons for the deceased. Now how do those balloons help anyone? Or they set up a gofundme, fundly, or youcaring page so that people can donate a significant portion of their donation to the funding website creators and not to the people really in need. When I've responded to stories like that on the news, I contacted the local news bureau and asked how I can make a direct donation (usually they are happy to accept the donation through them, or they give a care/of address like the person's church).
With so much negativity happening, I still believe we need to see "feel-good" news stories. But I'd prefer the stories of real, genuine niceness, which truly makes one "feel good." I feel good when I see stories of an individual intervening in a situation to help others, and you can tell that their last motivation was to have others see it and applaud them. Seeing people doing something publicly and in a "herd" does not make me "feel good."
Public displays of empathy, support, raising of public awareness for various issues, and humanitarian actions in general are really not something in society that I find to be problematic when they occur. *shrug*
It seems like your main problem lies with doing something other people are doing.
I don't know, I don't really get hung up on that. I choose what I want to do and don't want to do, and whether or not other people are doing the same is kind of immaterial.
Er, as a counseling psychology graduate student, not so much the case.
If I had a client in a clinical setting who wanted to vent about how much he or she was bothered by public displays as described, though, I'd probably encourage him/her to explore potential reasons he or she had such a strong visceral response.
I have never seen anyone else comment on this sort of thing, but I have thought about it quite a lot.
First, I trace the resurgence of this sort of "niceness" to 9/11. It's not a matter of thinking back, and wondering what changed, but rather, at that time, I noticed a near-immediate shift. Part of it might have been a natural shift, but I think a huge part of it was driven by the media. Almost immediately, there was "analysis" (based on little or nothing) about how people were valuing their families and each other so much more than material goods, how there was a return to old-fashioned values, etc.. I think it became a self-fulfilling prophecy (rather than the initial reports reflecting what was going on right then) but the result was a little weird. I don't believe it was entirely genuine, and for many it was very self-conscious, rather than a natural, selfless, somewhat unconscious tendency. The act of everyone picking apart the behavior and reporting on it made it so.
This was before social media, but before reading the post in this thread which mentioned social media, I also thought of that as one of the later drivers. Everybody wants to appear to be so generous and empathetic. Maybe some people really are very generous and empathetic, but now have more knowledge of possible outlets for those feelings. But plenty of other people are driven by a desire to be admired and praised.
I do think that the generation growing up since 9/11 are actually different, in this regard, than older people. They've grown up in this "nicer" era, and I think it's become more of the norm for them. Note all of the classes electing students with Down's Syndrome to Homecoming King and Queen, or whatever. It's become this huge trend. But I think much of that is actually a genuine desire of the other kids that age to be nice. And yet the niceness is not exactly the same as niceness of the past, because, although they may have internalized it, it has been internalized in an environment of social media and constant connectivity. I think there is even among those kids, an element of wanting to be seen to be nice.
For what it's worth, I commiserate with the OP's irritation, but it's really because I think a lot of these public displays of "selflessness" are actually driven by selfish motives.
Oh, I forgot that in my earlier comments, I had wanted to mention advertising. Starting after 9/11, much/most advertising had a "nostalgic" feel. This wasn't anything entirely new, obviously, but that sort of advertising was less popular when 9/11 occurred. Now they've gotten away from the nostalgic ads somewhat, but I think there are still more of them now than there were in the late '90s. It reflects/shapes a "kinder gentler" populace.
Er, as a counseling psychology graduate student, not so much the case.
If I had a client in a clinical setting who wanted to vent about how much he or she was bothered by public displays as described, though, I'd probably encourage him/her to explore potential reasons he or she had such a strong visceral response.
I wouldn't classify it as "a strong visceral response." I simply find hypocrisy mildly annoying and have an innate curiosity about human behavior and modern society. Perhaps *I* should be the counseling psychology graduate student?
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