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Old 09-15-2015, 12:58 PM
 
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I dont know whether it's innate for people to be kind or thoughtful of others -- or not. I do think that if a child, and then teen and adult isn't taught to be kind s/he likely won't be.

For example I was taught by example to be kind, generous, and thoughtful of others -- even if it means putting them first (depending on the situation of course). My mom would always ask, "Would it hurt you do to this or that for that person? If not, and it would help them. DO it. What's it harm you to do something thoughtful for a person that could help them or make their day? She LOOKED for ways to help people

Example:
-- if a person is lost on the street I might walk a block out of my way to show them where they need to go
-- if a person drops something on the floor in a store, I'll pick it up for them, or I'll pick it up and SOMETIMES rehang it, other times lay it over the rack (others will KNOW they've knocked it over and not pick it up
-- if a person can't reach and item I'll get it for them
-- If a co-worker needs a ride home I'll give them the ride, even if it means miles out of my way

Yet, for example, I have one friend (who to be fair, was raised in an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive home) -- who doesn't seem to give a crap about anyone but herself.

With friendships I suppose the issue could be how invested people are in that relationship. But for example....when I travel, I'll bring that same friend a little trinket souvenir. She could travel and not even THINK about getting a friend a souvenir. She doesn't really think about others that much at all.

When I'm shopping if I see a sweater or something I think a person would like.....I'll get it for them. Another friend LOVES yellow and loved daily devotionals...so whenever I see something yellow or a nice devotional I'll get it for her.

And it's not just about being thoughtful of others with money. it's time as well. Many people are just so self-centered, self-absorbed, or selfish....it's amazing to me how many people couldn't give a rat's aSS about someone else. It's sad sometimes.

So, why aren't more people more thoughtful of others?
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:19 PM
 
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Fear and stress. Is this mostly about the U.S? Americans, collectively, are at a consciousness level of fear. But it's changing. I think people are more willing to venture out and as the younger generation gets out and travels and is exposed to more they learn more about the world and understand that it isn't a "bad" and "scary" place requiring them to act all guarded and closed off to everyone and the consciousness level will rise.
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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Effort, or perceived effort.

For some, effort is only worth putting forth for number one.
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:41 PM
 
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There are many good, kind, thoughtful, unselfish people; unfortunately the bad apples stand out.
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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A lot of it also goes to nature/nurture, though, in my personal opinion.

There are some people who are innately the sort that prioritize caretaking within the societal group...they take on the roles of the person who will go out of their way to help someone else within the group...this is adaptive behavior, if you look at other species that live in social tribes. There are some who do not, also for adaptive reasons, just different ones.

On the "nurture" side, some people's behavior is highly skewed toward environmental conditioning. If you are raised in an environment that teaches certain behaviors, they can become an ingrained part of your culture. For some, acting with kindness and compassion is the result of learned behavior.
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,821 posts, read 39,387,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45 View Post
There are many good, kind, thoughtful, unselfish people; unfortunately the bad apples stand out.
Also true - negative behavior tends to get much more attention than positive. So a lot of positive behavior gets unnoticed/taken for granted.
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Billings, MT
9,000 posts, read 7,090,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45 View Post
There are many good, kind, thoughtful, unselfish people; unfortunately the bad apples stand out.
Not only that, but when being "kind and thoughtful" can result in being sued or slandered, wHY would anyone want to?
Hold a door for somebody, and they treat you like you have done something horribly wrong.
Allow somebody to go through an intersection even though it is your turn, and they get hit by somebody else running the stop sign, and they sue YOU for allowing them to go first and getting hit.
Pull over on a 2 lane road to allow somebody to pass, and when they do they hit another car, then sue you because you should not have indicated to them that it was safe to pass you.

In many ways it is simply not safe to be kind, thoughtful, and unselfish.
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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Which falls under the "looking out for number one" assertion, i.e., "it might harm me to be kind to you."
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Old 09-15-2015, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Billings, MT
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Which falls under the "looking out for number one" assertion, i.e., "it might harm me to be kind to you."
Exactly! So, why should I take the chance?
It is better for me to just ignore you.
Yes, that might offend you, but you can't sue me for THAT!
Yet.
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Old 09-15-2015, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,821 posts, read 39,387,870 times
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Just illustrating that BOTH looking out for others AND looking out for yourself are evolutionarily adaptive behaviors.

Whichever you choose has a lot to do with cultural programming.
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