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I'm still trying to figure out who supposed to watch the kids when you both "run out to the store"; if you're bringing them all along, I can see why you'd rather just go alone!
I feel badly for your wife. I have been a SAHM for almost 19 years...it can be so lonely and depressing. You are probably the only adult she sees most days. She needs a break from the kids, too. I'd be curious to find out how much time you spend with your kids alone so your wife can have a break.
It is true that when one becomes a SAHM, you lose your identity. I feel like many women also get very depressed. Raising kids is tough, it was never meant to be a one person job. Many men feel like working is their contribution towards the family, so the women who stay home are expected to keep house, run the household, cook, take care of the kids, etc. They have little energy left to socialize and relax. I, too, am THRILLED to have my husband home on the weekends. I'd be crushed if he was calling me clingy and complaining about it.
I do think your wife could use a break from her kids, and some sort of outlet (like a parttime job). Of course that will require you, Dad, to pick up the slack. Which in the end is more of a drag on your time and resources. Parenting is HARD and draining. Give your wife a hug, and think of ways to help her feel happier.
It's different than it used to be... EVERY wife and mother once stayed home, and they had their own little community and support system. Now it's a rarity, and I'm sure it can be very lonely and isolating. On the other hand, it SHOULD be only temporary; with all the time-saving devices these days, there's really no reason for her to stay home once the kids are in school. She can then get a job, go back to school, or find some hobbies.
I feel badly for your wife. I have been a SAHM for almost 19 years...it can be so lonely and depressing. You are probably the only adult she sees most days. She needs a break from the kids, too. I'd be curious to find out how much time you spend with your kids alone so your wife can have a break.
It is true that when one becomes a SAHM, you lose your identity. I feel like many women also get very depressed. Raising kids is tough, it was never meant to be a one person job. Many men feel like working is their contribution towards the family, so the women who stay home are expected to keep house, run the household, cook, take care of the kids, etc. They have little energy left to socialize and relax. I, too, am THRILLED to have my husband home on the weekends. I'd be crushed if he was calling me clingy and complaining about it.
I do think your wife could use a break from her kids, and some sort of outlet (like a parttime job). Of course that will require you, Dad, to pick up the slack. Which in the end is more of a drag on your time and resources. Parenting is HARD and draining. Give your wife a hug, and think of ways to help her feel happier.
Do you mean that the only way a person can have a sense of identity is by having a job? Suppose a woman has never had a job - say she got married right out of college (or even high school) - and then became a mother. How could she then "lose" her identity if she never had one? I am trying to follow the logic of all this and I'm having trouble. I guess the bottom line is I don't get the "non-identity" status of being a SAHM; it seems to me raising children is a high calling, not something to sneer at or denigrate.
You shouldn't have married her.
Sorry thats no help. You're going to have to get into doing something that she doesn't like, football say. The more time she is away from you, she'll get used to it
OP, I actually feel sorry for you. Not because of your clingy wife, but because you can't appreciate her. Men today complain loud and long about unfaithful wives, wives that would rather go shoping or hand out with friends, wives that are completely into themselves or their family. Yet you have a woman that is crazy about you, wants to spend time with you, and you complain? Sorry, IMHO, this is a case of someone who is very fortunate, yet is too dense to realize it.
It has always been the same, I'm just becoming more in tune with it.
[...]
I am at a loss of what to do.
I'm not really sure what you're expecting. You say it has always been this way - so you married her presumably knowing this. And now suddenly you expect her to change?
I'm not denying her dependency on you is unhealthy... but you don't marry someone who is that way and then 7 years later expect her to change.
I'd say the OP is probably the one who changed; at one time, his wife's personality suited him, and now it doesn't. Or the romantic love phase that hides a multitude of sins has ended, and there's no true compatibility or friendship underneath. Happens all the time!
I'd say the OP is probably the one who changed; at one time, his wife's personality suited him, and now it doesn't. Or the romantic love phase that hides a multitude of sins has ended, and there's no true compatibility or friendship underneath. Happens all the time!
Yes, which is perhaps why it's not always such a good idea to marry when you're 18/19 (I think I saw the OP say they married this young).
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