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Too shy to ask anyone for a favor, not only a stranger, but also friend or family. Don't know why but that's the way it has always been. Maybe fear of rejection. Who knows.
It could just be your personality type. I'm the same, I feel uncomfortable asking for help for myself.
Funnily enough I have a natural tendency to want to help others and I'm happy to do little things for people, mostly without being asked, but because I also hate the idea of being taken advantage of I have not really had to deal with needy people relying on me.
But, asking someone to be their personal alarm clock - uh no.
OP, I had the exact same issue! But I let it go on way longer than you. I admire you for not feeding into it from the get-go.
My husband and I would invite our next door neighbor over for dinner every month. We love to cook. We cook for ourselves. So it was no problem to have another person over anyway. She didn't have us since she was still working and was exhausted (at 67, still working as a social worker). We understood that.
What I didn't understand was her inability to remember being asked over. She forgot once to come over. She would request that I call her up the day of the dinner to remind her. She has absolutely no social life other than getting together with her sister on the weekends, so it's not like she had a lot to remember. Somehow she remembered work appointments well enough to keep her job. And didn't seem to forget doctor's appointments or the very-important hair/nail appointments! She has a smart phone, computer, paper and pen, so it did seem possible for her to keep track of a dinner invite.
Since she retired, I no longer have the willingness to cook dinner for her AND remind her of appointments. At first I took pride in being a giving person who would do so and in having the energy/wherewithal to be able to do so. But then I realized I am just being a doormat. And that if she really valued the dinners, she would be able to keep track of it.
Plus, now that she is retired, it does seem like she could reciprocate occasionally.
I love this article about being spiritual/a giving person without being a doormat:
I have finally learned in the last year, not to take the bait when needy people are trolling for enablers. It still amazes me, though, when they do it.
I now live in subsidized, low-income senior apartments, and I think these places are especially full of needy types, so I have gotten a lot of practice learning how to not take the bait the last couple years since I moved into these types of apartments.
I fell victim to the trollers in my first apartment building, and when I moved to a different town where I am now, I vowed to myself that I would not take the bait - ever again! I don't want needy neighbors knocking on my door asking for help and favors here. I left those behind in the last town LOL.
So, just the other day a new tenant who moved in across the hall, asked me about how to transfer Medi-Cal here and healthcare questions, etc. I gave her info about a health fair that was happening this weekend where she could talk to a healthcare counselor. I was going to the doctor's that day, so I picked up a flyer for her about the health fair and later gave it to her.
So, having learned my lesson about boundaries, I told her we could take separate cars, and hang out together at the fair, if she wanted to, but that way we could come and go when we wanted. I learned that I'd rather take my own car, so I don't have to worry about someone else making me late, and I can escape if I'm not having a good time, etc.
Anyway, so far so good. Then, I bump into her outside yesterday and she asks me to knock on her door 15 minutes before she would need to leave to go to the fair. WTF?
Here is where the trolling gets serious. Now, asking questions about healthcare is fine. But, asking someone to be their personal alarm clock - uh no.
So, I said no, I don't want to do that and doesn't her phone have an alarm on it she can program? Told her that's what I do. She started to say something about how she forgets things or whatever, and I just said, well, this is when I'm leaving and I hope to see her there, but I learned a long time ago to just take myself to events and that way if a friend bails, it's no skin off my nose. In other words, figure out how to get there or not, but that's on you.
Can you imagine? I've casually chatted with this new neighbor a few times when we've bumped into each other in the hall or outside, and she really asked me to be her personal alarm clock?
This is the pivitol moment for trollers. She was trolling to see if I was a potential enabler, and learned that I will not get hooked by her bait. So, she'll keep on trolling.
I'd like to hear stories from others about how you learned not to take the enabler bait. How about some examples?
Well,
I would call that Southern hospitality around here. Doing a neighbor a small favor here and there isn't a big deal; it's called socializing. It's not like she asked you to borrow the TV or VCR or anything. I've had people ask to connect to my internet here at the apartment since they didn't have their own yet. That's not a big deal; they aren't really being needy, and I don't feel taken advantage of. I usually just draw the line when they want to borrow money or use my expensive items, like my car. If I said, "no" to every little request, I probably would almost never socialize. I will admit, though, it is annoying when people ask for favors and do not give you anything in return. The rule down here is share and share alike. If I do you a favor, you should be ready to do me one in return if I need it. If not, you are just using me; find someone else. Usually, though, all I ask for is a little of your time and company. It should be common sense. Don't treat me like a second-class citizen if I ask to borrow something small of yours if you've borrowed something of mine in the past.
I would call that Southern hospitality around here. Doing a neighbor a small favor here and there isn't a big deal; it's called socializing. It's not like she asked you to borrow the TV or VCR or anything. I've had people ask to connect to my internet here at the apartment since they didn't have their own yet. That's not a big deal; they aren't really being needy, and I don't feel taken advantage of. I usually just draw the line when they want to borrow money or use my expensive items, like my car. If I said, "no" to every little request, I probably would almost never socialize. I will admit, though, it is annoying when people ask for favors and do not give you anything in return. The rule down here is share and share alike. If I do you a favor, you should be ready to do me one in return if I need it. If not, you are just using me; find someone else. Usually, though, all I ask for is a little of your time and company. It should be common sense. Don't treat me like a second-class citizen if I ask to borrow something small of yours if you've borrowed something of mine in the past.
What?? So you give them your network password? That's well.... it doesn't make sense at all. And the rest of your post doesn't apply here. The OP was not getting anything in return for her kindness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyndarn
While I surely do NOT discount your sense of being taken advantage of by those who ask you questions, advice, or looking to be friendly and attempting ( tho in- artfully) be friendly...I really do have to declare there is a big difference between enablers and being helpful when you can. You already described giving this new neighbour info on how to apply for things..etc..which is all she was asking for/about..Maybe they are new to State and locations, disoriented to location of things..whatever....
Please try to be little for empathetic to new-comer's entering into your persona space...I can only speak for myself of course..BUT I tend to feel GOOD when I can help out..or assist in getting the information to them that actually "Makes a difference"
You never mentioned these people never asked you for money nor feed them and only information..So how is that Enabling?? Some folks just as knowledgeable or experienced as you are..so why not share information without feeling taken of...
BUT you are right..some folks/strangers may very well take advantage of you IF you do not (in your head) have that line you will not cross..$$$/Food in some cases /taking responsibility for something on their behalf etc..So yes...Always beware of those "Con-Artists"..however..they are far in the minority!
It starts off as information...and then morphs into asking for more and more.
OP,
How do I put this delicately? Is there any way that you can move out of low income housing? Seriously, I wouldn't trust anyone there - many of them are taking advantage of the government, why wouldn't they take advantage of you??
OP, I had the exact same issue! But I let it go on way longer than you. I admire you for not feeding into it from the get-go.
My husband and I would invite our next door neighbor over for dinner every month. We love to cook. We cook for ourselves. So it was no problem to have another person over anyway. She didn't have us since she was still working and was exhausted (at 67, still working as a social worker). We understood that.
What I didn't understand was her inability to remember being asked over. She forgot once to come over. She would request that I call her up the day of the dinner to remind her. She has absolutely no social life other than getting together with her sister on the weekends, so it's not like she had a lot to remember. Somehow she remembered work appointments well enough to keep her job. And didn't seem to forget doctor's appointments or the very-important hair/nail appointments! She has a smart phone, computer, paper and pen, so it did seem possible for her to keep track of a dinner invite.
Since she retired, I no longer have the willingness to cook dinner for her AND remind her of appointments. At first I took pride in being a giving person who would do so and in having the energy/wherewithal to be able to do so. But then I realized I am just being a doormat. And that if she really valued the dinners, she would be able to keep track of it.
Plus, now that she is retired, it does seem like she could reciprocate occasionally.
I love this article about being spiritual/a giving person without being a doormat:
That's so incredibly obnoxious! Yes, exactly the same thing as my situation. Your friend was able to remember appointments in her life, but expected you to not only serve her dinner, but call up and beg for her to let you do it. So weird. Maybe something inside her needed to be able to think that people are just begging for her company, I don't know. But, that was thoroughly wrong.
Oh, and I loved the article! So well said. There are so many dichotomies in the Bible, and I'm not particularly religious, but I think it can confuse people regarding how giving they're supposed to be and when it's okay to have a boundary. Turn the other cheek sets people up, for instance. But, I think the "pearls before swine" kind of jibes with the article above. If someone doesn't recognize and appreciate your pearls, walk on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
What?? So you give them your network password? That's well.... it doesn't make sense at all. And the rest of your post doesn't apply here. The OP was not getting anything in return for her kindness.
It starts off as information...and then morphs into asking for more and more.
OP,
How do I put this delicately? Is there any way that you can move out of low income housing? Seriously, I wouldn't trust anyone there - many of them are taking advantage of the government, why wouldn't they take advantage of you??
Yes, I agree, the thing to do is tell them where the free internet in town is, such as the library. It's unreasonable for an adult to ask a neighbor to give them free access to their paid internet. Let alone the security issues.
And you nailed it. It starts out harmlessly enough, normally, then they escalate to more and more favors.
No, I can't move out of low income housing. The facilities are actually quite nice, as the government has really cracked down on owners who receive govt funds, providing clean, safe, well-maintained housing.
But, they are full of needy types for sure. So, it's up to me to have boundaries. And I'm getting better at them all the time.
I thought I'd give an update on what happened. The day of the health fair, I actually decided not to go. The night before, the tenant in question "happened" to be outside smoking when I arrived in my car, and chatted with me, following me into the building, keeping me from being able to go inside my apartment unless I rudely just walked away, and went on and on and on about how evil her sisters are, and lawyers and she suing them, etc., etc. That's all well and fine and I feel for her, but I didn't want to get stuck listening to her again for hours while waiting to get a flu shot at the fair. And since I said we'd just meet there - or not - I chose to bail. I did put a note on her door saying I wouldn't be going after all.
We ran into each other as she was driving back, and I was driving out of our parking lot, so we talked through our car windows. She said, "You didn't go!" I said, "No, I was feeling grumpy and didn't want to put you or anyone else through it." I asked her how it went, and she said it was good, but she looked irked.
I have not seen her since! And I was "running into" this woman several times a day before I put up my boundary and chose to be the one to bail (with a note on her door before she left). I just thought that was pretty telling.
And I just made an appointment with my doctor's assistant to go get my flu shot another day in peace, where I didn't have to wait in a queue. I didn't really care about the music, etc. I took my dog to the woods instead. She's always good company.
In case anyone reading this is worried about how to cope in low income housing and these types of people - the main thing is to do absolutely no socializing with the tenants in your building, if possible. Don't go to their Bingo or events, etc. This is where the vultures lay in wait. If your boundaries are nice and firm, go for it. But, be prepared for people to be banging up against your boundaries while you're trying to relax.
I just run in and out of the community room when they have food giveaways every Saturday, if I even go at all. I wait until the rush is over and just go check over what's left. I rush in and rush out. But one day as I'm trying to rush out, this old guy catches me and asks, "Do you have a computer?" LMAO! I know this is a trolling question, so I said, "Yesssssssss.........." And he then asks me if I'll put his Disney collection up for sale for him on Ebay. I said, "No, I don't want to get involved in that." He says, "But, I wouldn't have to come into your apartment or anything...." I walked away and over my shoulder said again, "No, I don't want to get involved in that."
And you'll hear the "Wah, wah, I don't know how I'll get to the doctor's next Tuesday..." On and on. So, if you're sitting there trying to eat barbecue at the July 4th party, you are a sitting duck. It's just not fun, so I just don't go. The trick is to do your socializing somewhere else. Or, they'll be lying in wait "running into" you outside when you're bringing in your groceries or in the hall (after they saw you arrive out there window), etc.
In a way, I think it's a skill I was supposed to learn in this lifetime, so the universe, my higher power, whatever you want to call it, stuck me into subsidized senior housing so I don't have to come back to learn it in my next life LOL.
Last edited by NoMoreSnowForMe; 10-20-2015 at 02:12 PM..
The OP is very wise to set boundaries as quickly a possible. It's too bad there are people who will take kindness as a weakness and prey on them until they drive people screaming into the night.
I never knew there were such types of people until..... My husband and I moved into a new neighborhood. We are both retired and it was spring time and we would sit outside on our front porch and have our morning coffee, etc. We spent quite a lot of time sitting outside or working in our front yard. We take pride in our home and wanted it to look nice etc.
One morning I was sitting outside alone on my front porch reading the newspaper and I happen to look up and saw a woman crossing the street with a empty cup in her hand proached me. I smiled and she said I see you and your husband sitting out on your front porch a lot and working in your front yard, it looks so pretty with all the flowers you have planted.
She introduced herself and said I am out of milk for my coffee and was wondering if I could get some from you. I was stunned that a stranger would walk over to introduce themselves and in the same breathe ask for milk. My husband wasn't home at that time and I was not going to allow her to come into my home while I got her milk. I made small talk with her for 5 minutes until my husband pulled into the drive way. I introduced him to her and said she needs milk she doesn't have any lol hubby and I exchange looks and I went into the house and got her the milk. She thanked us and off she went with her cup of milk for her coffee.
My husband said the nerve of some people, coming over and welcoming us to the neighborhood and asking for something at the same time. Now being new to the neighborhood and this women being my age I was happy to have made a friend even though she what she did. my husband took a dislike to this woman but since we were the same age I thought I will give her a chance.
I invited her over for coffee the next day and we sat outside talking and getting to know each other. Well she asked if she could use my rest room and I said sure and showed her were it was. She took a really long time in there and finally came out. She asked to use the bathroom again 20 minutes later again she took a really long time in there. right before she left again she asked to use the bathroom this time not taking so long. She then went home. something in my gut told me to go into the bathroom and look around in the medicine cabinet right away I noticed that the pain pills that was prescribed to me for kidney cancer I had the year before (all pain pills were expired) I had a bottle of Percocet, oxicotin, oxihydone, Something told me that she took some of each.
I removed all the meds and put them in my bedroom under lock and key. The very next day she came over with out being ask to and said do you have any brown sugar she was baking a pie and didn't have any. I said sure and gave her a cup of brown sugar and she asked if she could use my bathroom again and I said sure you know where it is. she was in and out in 1 minutes and she left with the brown sugar. I giggled to myself as I watched her cross the street to go back to her house.
My husband became sick and was diagnosed with throat cancer a few months after I met that women and I would tell her he has to undergo chemo and radiation. He was prescribed very strong oxicotin, percocets and very strong for breakthough pain oxycodone again a very high dose of each of these medicines. This time I kept all of his pain medicines under lock and key and kept a very detailed list of times and dosages, which pills can be crushed (he has a feeding tube now) and since he was so sick I was keeping track of what and when I gave him his meds. He is on such a bunch of meds it was the only way I could keep track.
This women had the nerve to come over to my house and ask me if I could give her a couple of his oxicotin because she was having server pain in her shoulder I said your kidding me right? you are asking for his cancer medicine? she said well its not like he cant get more he can get all he wants now that he has cancer. I counted to ten and said if you are not out of this house in 30 seconds I will push you through the front door with out opening it. I put my hand on the door knob and turned to her and said if my house is broken into and his meds are stolen I will be calling the cops and sending them to your door.
The next day I called a alarm company and had a alarm system installed. Want to know the kicker of this whole story was. I found out the next day from my next door neighbor who use to be friends with her but I didn't know her she said that on that first day she came into your house and used your bathroom 4 times she stole 5 of your pills and came over and said look what I got and showed this neighbor the 5 pills she stole. and also told her that she came back over to my house the next day and all the pills were gone. so she stole from me from day one...... now that's what you call a bad friend/drug addict!! lesson learned!!
I never knew there were such types of people until..... My husband and I moved into a new neighborhood. We are both retired and it was spring time and we would sit outside on our front porch and have our morning coffee, etc. We spent quite a lot of time sitting outside or working in our front yard. We take pride in our home and wanted it to look nice etc.
One morning I was sitting outside alone on my front porch reading the newspaper and I happen to look up and saw a woman crossing the street with a empty cup in her hand proached me. I smiled and she said I see you and your husband sitting out on your front porch a lot and working in your front yard, it looks so pretty with all the flowers you have planted.
She introduced herself and said I am out of milk for my coffee and was wondering if I could get some from you. I was stunned that a stranger would walk over to introduce themselves and in the same breathe ask for milk. My husband wasn't home at that time and I was not going to allow her to come into my home while I got her milk. I made small talk with her for 5 minutes until my husband pulled into the drive way. I introduced him to her and said she needs milk she doesn't have any lol hubby and I exchange looks and I went into the house and got her the milk. She thanked us and off she went with her cup of milk for her coffee.
My husband said the nerve of some people, coming over and welcoming us to the neighborhood and asking for something at the same time. Now being new to the neighborhood and this women being my age I was happy to have made a friend even though she what she did. my husband took a dislike to this woman but since we were the same age I thought I will give her a chance.
I invited her over for coffee the next day and we sat outside talking and getting to know each other. Well she asked if she could use my rest room and I said sure and showed her were it was. She took a really long time in there and finally came out. She asked to use the bathroom again 20 minutes later again she took a really long time in there. right before she left again she asked to use the bathroom this time not taking so long. She then went home. something in my gut told me to go into the bathroom and look around in the medicine cabinet right away I noticed that the pain pills that was prescribed to me for kidney cancer I had the year before (all pain pills were expired) I had a bottle of Percocet, oxicotin, oxihydone, Something told me that she took some of each.
I removed all the meds and put them in my bedroom under lock and key. The very next day she came over with out being ask to and said do you have any brown sugar she was baking a pie and didn't have any. I said sure and gave her a cup of brown sugar and she asked if she could use my bathroom again and I said sure you know where it is. she was in and out in 1 minutes and she left with the brown sugar. I giggled to myself as I watched her cross the street to go back to her house.
My husband became sick and was diagnosed with throat cancer a few months after I met that women and I would tell her he has to undergo chemo and radiation. He was prescribed very strong oxicotin, percocets and very strong for breakthough pain oxycodone again a very high dose of each of these medicines. This time I kept all of his pain medicines under lock and key and kept a very detailed list of times and dosages, which pills can be crushed (he has a feeding tube now) and since he was so sick I was keeping track of what and when I gave him his meds. He is on such a bunch of meds it was the only way I could keep track.
This women had the nerve to come over to my house and ask me if I could give her a couple of his oxicotin because she was having server pain in her shoulder I said your kidding me right? you are asking for his cancer medicine? she said well its not like he cant get more he can get all he wants now that he has cancer. I counted to ten and said if you are not out of this house in 30 seconds I will push you through the front door with out opening it. I put my hand on the door knob and turned to her and said if my house is broken into and his meds are stolen I will be calling the cops and sending them to your door.
The next day I called a alarm company and had a alarm system installed. Want to know the kicker of this whole story was. I found out the next day from my next door neighbor who use to be friends with her but I didn't know her she said that on that first day she came into your house and used your bathroom 4 times she stole 5 of your pills and came over and said look what I got and showed this neighbor the 5 pills she stole. and also told her that she came back over to my house the next day and all the pills were gone. so she stole from me from day one...... now that's what you call a bad friend/drug addict!! lesson learned!!
I'm sorry for your husband's situation.
I have to say that I don't understand why you let her in knowing you had cancer meds - especially the second time.
I hope you have some sort of protection against this lady.
I never knew there were such types of people until..... My husband and I moved into a new neighborhood. We are both retired and it was spring time and we would sit outside on our front porch and have our morning coffee, etc. We spent quite a lot of time sitting outside or working in our front yard. We take pride in our home and wanted it to look nice etc.
One morning I was sitting outside alone on my front porch reading the newspaper and I happen to look up and saw a woman crossing the street with a empty cup in her hand proached me. I smiled and she said I see you and your husband sitting out on your front porch a lot and working in your front yard, it looks so pretty with all the flowers you have planted.
She introduced herself and said I am out of milk for my coffee and was wondering if I could get some from you. I was stunned that a stranger would walk over to introduce themselves and in the same breathe ask for milk. My husband wasn't home at that time and I was not going to allow her to come into my home while I got her milk. I made small talk with her for 5 minutes until my husband pulled into the drive way. I introduced him to her and said she needs milk she doesn't have any lol hubby and I exchange looks and I went into the house and got her the milk. She thanked us and off she went with her cup of milk for her coffee.
My husband said the nerve of some people, coming over and welcoming us to the neighborhood and asking for something at the same time. Now being new to the neighborhood and this women being my age I was happy to have made a friend even though she what she did. my husband took a dislike to this woman but since we were the same age I thought I will give her a chance.
I invited her over for coffee the next day and we sat outside talking and getting to know each other. Well she asked if she could use my rest room and I said sure and showed her were it was. She took a really long time in there and finally came out. She asked to use the bathroom again 20 minutes later again she took a really long time in there. right before she left again she asked to use the bathroom this time not taking so long. She then went home. something in my gut told me to go into the bathroom and look around in the medicine cabinet right away I noticed that the pain pills that was prescribed to me for kidney cancer I had the year before (all pain pills were expired) I had a bottle of Percocet, oxicotin, oxihydone, Something told me that she took some of each.
I removed all the meds and put them in my bedroom under lock and key. The very next day she came over with out being ask to and said do you have any brown sugar she was baking a pie and didn't have any. I said sure and gave her a cup of brown sugar and she asked if she could use my bathroom again and I said sure you know where it is. she was in and out in 1 minutes and she left with the brown sugar. I giggled to myself as I watched her cross the street to go back to her house.
My husband became sick and was diagnosed with throat cancer a few months after I met that women and I would tell her he has to undergo chemo and radiation. He was prescribed very strong oxicotin, percocets and very strong for breakthough pain oxycodone again a very high dose of each of these medicines. This time I kept all of his pain medicines under lock and key and kept a very detailed list of times and dosages, which pills can be crushed (he has a feeding tube now) and since he was so sick I was keeping track of what and when I gave him his meds. He is on such a bunch of meds it was the only way I could keep track.
This women had the nerve to come over to my house and ask me if I could give her a couple of his oxicotin because she was having server pain in her shoulder I said your kidding me right? you are asking for his cancer medicine? she said well its not like he cant get more he can get all he wants now that he has cancer. I counted to ten and said if you are not out of this house in 30 seconds I will push you through the front door with out opening it. I put my hand on the door knob and turned to her and said if my house is broken into and his meds are stolen I will be calling the cops and sending them to your door.
The next day I called a alarm company and had a alarm system installed. Want to know the kicker of this whole story was. I found out the next day from my next door neighbor who use to be friends with her but I didn't know her she said that on that first day she came into your house and used your bathroom 4 times she stole 5 of your pills and came over and said look what I got and showed this neighbor the 5 pills she stole. and also told her that she came back over to my house the next day and all the pills were gone. so she stole from me from day one...... now that's what you call a bad friend/drug addict!! lesson learned!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
I'm sorry for your husband's situation.
I have to say that I don't understand why you let her in knowing you had cancer meds - especially the second time.
I hope you have some sort of protection against this lady.
These types of people prey on people's sense of good manners. That's why it's so important for people to learn that having good manners does not equate letting strangers take advantage of you.
I never knew there were such types of people until..... My husband and I moved into a new neighborhood. We are both retired and it was spring time and we would sit outside on our front porch and have our morning coffee, etc. We spent quite a lot of time sitting outside or working in our front yard. We take pride in our home and wanted it to look nice etc.
One morning I was sitting outside alone on my front porch reading the newspaper and I happen to look up and saw a woman crossing the street with a empty cup in her hand proached me. I smiled and she said I see you and your husband sitting out on your front porch a lot and working in your front yard, it looks so pretty with all the flowers you have planted.
She introduced herself and said I am out of milk for my coffee and was wondering if I could get some from you. I was stunned that a stranger would walk over to introduce themselves and in the same breathe ask for milk. My husband wasn't home at that time and I was not going to allow her to come into my home while I got her milk. I made small talk with her for 5 minutes until my husband pulled into the drive way. I introduced him to her and said she needs milk she doesn't have any lol hubby and I exchange looks and I went into the house and got her the milk. She thanked us and off she went with her cup of milk for her coffee.
My husband said the nerve of some people, coming over and welcoming us to the neighborhood and asking for something at the same time. Now being new to the neighborhood and this women being my age I was happy to have made a friend even though she what she did. my husband took a dislike to this woman but since we were the same age I thought I will give her a chance.
I invited her over for coffee the next day and we sat outside talking and getting to know each other. Well she asked if she could use my rest room and I said sure and showed her were it was. She took a really long time in there and finally came out. She asked to use the bathroom again 20 minutes later again she took a really long time in there. right before she left again she asked to use the bathroom this time not taking so long. She then went home. something in my gut told me to go into the bathroom and look around in the medicine cabinet right away I noticed that the pain pills that was prescribed to me for kidney cancer I had the year before (all pain pills were expired) I had a bottle of Percocet, oxicotin, oxihydone, Something told me that she took some of each.
I removed all the meds and put them in my bedroom under lock and key. The very next day she came over with out being ask to and said do you have any brown sugar she was baking a pie and didn't have any. I said sure and gave her a cup of brown sugar and she asked if she could use my bathroom again and I said sure you know where it is. she was in and out in 1 minutes and she left with the brown sugar. I giggled to myself as I watched her cross the street to go back to her house.
My husband became sick and was diagnosed with throat cancer a few months after I met that women and I would tell her he has to undergo chemo and radiation. He was prescribed very strong oxicotin, percocets and very strong for breakthough pain oxycodone again a very high dose of each of these medicines. This time I kept all of his pain medicines under lock and key and kept a very detailed list of times and dosages, which pills can be crushed (he has a feeding tube now) and since he was so sick I was keeping track of what and when I gave him his meds. He is on such a bunch of meds it was the only way I could keep track.
This women had the nerve to come over to my house and ask me if I could give her a couple of his oxicotin because she was having server pain in her shoulder I said your kidding me right? you are asking for his cancer medicine? she said well its not like he cant get more he can get all he wants now that he has cancer. I counted to ten and said if you are not out of this house in 30 seconds I will push you through the front door with out opening it. I put my hand on the door knob and turned to her and said if my house is broken into and his meds are stolen I will be calling the cops and sending them to your door.
The next day I called a alarm company and had a alarm system installed. Want to know the kicker of this whole story was. I found out the next day from my next door neighbor who use to be friends with her but I didn't know her she said that on that first day she came into your house and used your bathroom 4 times she stole 5 of your pills and came over and said look what I got and showed this neighbor the 5 pills she stole. and also told her that she came back over to my house the next day and all the pills were gone. so she stole from me from day one...... now that's what you call a bad friend/drug addict!! lesson learned!!
I am sorry about your husband's illness.
I've also had experience with these pill addicts. I had some dental work done and then I went to visit a friend of mine who was a recovering alcoholic. She had a friend she'd met in rehab, a painkiller addict. She was supposedly also in recovery, but she was apparently using again. I mentioned I'd been to the dentist a day or two before, had a tooth extracted or something, and she asked me if I had any painkillers from it. I said no, I just used OTC stuff because the pain seemed manageable. She got ANGRY with me and said, "You have to ASK them for it. Call him up and tell him you are still in pain and that you need a prescription!"
I didn't have any more pain, lol. I didn't NEED a prescription. She did!
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