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I only hate them if there's no one at the event who I'm close to.
Halloween at my company is an introvert's nightmare. It's the one day of the year that my company goes all out, with everything from costume contests to handing out candies in the cafeteria. And since many of the head honchos don't come in for work, people get super foolish, as is happening today.
I'm at the awkward age where I'm finding it hard to connect with people in my life. At work, most of the people in my department are in their 50s and 60s. (Thus the reason I am starting to search for a new job.) At family gatherings, everyone has kids except my wife and I.
I'm also an introvert, which doesn't make matters any easier. I think I come off as serious, self-contained, and introspective at work, which is why my coworkers seem to gravitate toward those who are more outspoken. It's always been this way at every company I have worked for.
I'm not complaining. I understand that, in social relationships, you get from others what you put in. If you're to yourself all the time, people aren't going to show much interest in you.
To be honest with you, I wouldn't change how I am one bit. I realize that my taciturn ways put me in the minority, but I like being different. The herd mentality that people at work have is ridiculous. People literally go to the bathroom together here. It seems many people have such a hard time doing stuff on their own.
Do you feel the same way at work? How do you feel about social gatherings, especially those where you hardly know anyone?
I don't do social gatherings unless there is a specific "reason" - and that reason has to be either something that I need to do or something that I want to do.
Whenever I leave my house, I have a specific reason. Shopping? I need to buy something. I don't shop 'just because' or window shop. There is no purpose.
Parties? I need a specific reason. And socializing for the sake of socializing is not a good reason to me. If it's a work thing, I will go because I need to go. If not... well, it has to be a family member's birthday, for example. Then, I want to go. Otherwise, I don't go. And if I do go, I don't stay. It's easy for me to get overwhelmed around all those people.
I have never gone to a party where I didn't know at least one other person there.
I have never gone to a party where I didn't know at least one other person there.
Me neither.
But there's a difference between "knowing" someone on a superficial level (e.g. coworkers with whom you'd never hang out with outside of work) and close friends.
I like going out with small groups of 2 or 3 people, but when it's a huge group -- where it gets so loud that you can't even hear your voice while attempting to talk to someone -- that's when it becomes off-putting.
I've never been one to enjoy doing social things at work. I like keeping work and play separate. However, I do realize that it's the more sociable people -- those who have mastered the art of small talk -- who make it farther in life.
I feel uncomfortable in settings where people get loud and talk incessantly about the most mundane things. The workplace really isn't much different from high school. You have the more popular, outspoken people; the quiet variety; the slackers; and so on.
I only hate them if there's no one at the event who I'm close to.
Halloween at my company is an introvert's nightmare. It's the one day of the year that my company goes all out, with everything from costume contests to handing out candies in the cafeteria. And since many of the head honchos don't come in for work, people get super foolish, as is happening today.
I'm at the awkward age where I'm finding it hard to connect with people in my life. At work, most of the people in my department are in their 50s and 60s. (Thus the reason I am starting to search for a new job.) At family gatherings, everyone has kids except my wife and I.
I'm also an introvert, which doesn't make matters any easier. I think I come off as serious, self-contained, and introspective at work, which is why my coworkers seem to gravitate toward those who are more outspoken. It's always been this way at every company I have worked for.
I'm not complaining. I understand that, in social relationships, you get from others what you put in. If you're to yourself all the time, people aren't going to show much interest in you.
To be honest with you, I wouldn't change how I am one bit. I realize that my taciturn ways put me in the minority, but I like being different. The herd mentality that people at work have is ridiculous. People literally go to the bathroom together here. It seems many people have such a hard time doing stuff on their own.
Do you feel the same way at work? How do you feel about social gatherings, especially those where you hardly know anyone?
It depends. If its a mundane style party then I'd rather stay home. That would be your normal where people get drinks and flirt and show off and drink some more. If its going to someone's house for dinner and I don't know them I'd probably go, just to be polite, but get out asap and would feel very uncomfortable.
No, if its a bunch of people into folk music, or a filk... I'd love to go. Even if I don't know them, I can settle on the floor or a chair and take in the music. And a filk...(interruption for explanation.... filk is folk music as done by science fiction fans, with genre themes, pagan popular as well, and computer and space too. People do write their own and sing them. Its a hootenanny with a different focus.) Well, I used to go to the monthly our little group held and was one of the last there at three am who brought along the sleeping bag since I planned ahead.
Filking is part of the larger subculture of fandom, and I found myself when I found science fiction fandom and its my family. A convention party, a party at someone's home, if I know any of them or not, I'd embrase it and be my all.
Whenever there is a compelling (i.e., work related ) reason to go, then I can buckle down and choreograph out a 'gracious appearance' and mix with the best of them. But it is playing a role, as though an actress.
So far as ever choosing to go to a party to 'have fun' and 'enjoy it'? No thank you. In fact I make a fine art out of simply tending 'Please accept my regrets, as I have other obligations'
That said, I do greatly enjoy casual 'cutting up' and informal joking and teasing, like in the break room at work. (but nothing off color)
I just don't enjoy the 'big production' dress up see and be seen whole idea of parties, and decline attendance unless an appearance is advantageous according to office politics.
One thing that helps me avoid a lot of socializing is that I am aboveboard with coworkers and associates about the fact that I do not drink alcohol, for reasons of health. So nobody wants me around like a bump on a log anyway. It works!
Well, as you said, I don't mind being at a party with close friends because I know I won't be judged for being myself, as long as it's occasionnal because it can be really tiring.
But I can't bear the parties where I know just one or two people, I always feel like I'm being judged or making a complete fool of myself so I'm constantly tensed. I also hate drinking alcohol, even if I have to because I don't want to be viewed more negatively than I already am, being shy, akward, uncomfortable and boring is more than enough.
So yeah I hate most parties, unless I know very well the majority of the people and that the purpose of the party is not just to get drunk.
I really enjoy concerts, clubs, music events - parties like that. Always running into people I know, so that's cool... I generally dislike small gatherings. I feel uncomfortable following just one conversation in the room. I much prefer floating around, chatting with random people, dancing, and doing my own thing.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I like social gatherings with people I know. I feel more comfortable and able to be myself. I can't do it every weekend but I'm good with social events.
I'm a fan of smaller, more intimate gatherings of people I know and like.
Large crowds of random people I don't know, eh. I don't go into meltdown, but I'd unquestionably skip it if I had the choice. I really get annoyed by huge groups.
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