Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's nice that you want to post all your hopes and wants online for the rest of the world to read but you really need to quit thinking and wanting and start doing to get some experience under your belt which will lead to self confidence.
Get out there and take your lumps and bruises in the game called life.
It will build your character and you'll be thankful in the long run that you didn't wish your life away by sitting at home and thinking about what you could have become if only you would have done something other then what you did which was nothing.
The majority of alpha people believe that what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger.
Take some risks but don't bet the farm. You'll always need a roof over your head.
I think one of my problems is I'm a bit too sensitive. If someone makes fun of me or criticizes me for doing something they think they can justify as "inappropriate" chances are I won't do it while I think they're watching. Yielding to this sort of pressure has led me to doing things that aren't even good for my psychological or emotional health, like stuffing all of my childhood dreams in some corner and waiting for fate to take my side and do something great for me.
You listed a wide variety of hopes and goals that you wanted for yourself, way back near the start of this thread. Since then, you wrote that you'd started taking more pains with your appearance, and that people at work seemed to be friendlier now, perhaps because of your improved appearance, and that you'd received a promotion.
Congratulations, that's all great!
Now: make an official list of what you would like for yourself to be, have, achieve in the next couple of years. You can break it down into categories if you like. Then go over it, and apply a timeline: what can you start to do right now? What will have to wait until after the holidays? Anything that needs to be backburned until next summer? And so on. Pull out the "right away" goals. Prioritize them. Then set to work.
You mentioned some cosmetic issues - facial hair, in need of a better hairstyle, more becoming clothing, etc. This is probably the easiest area to address. Ask someone whose appearance you admire where they get their hair done. Make an appointment to talk with their best stylist - bring pictures of styles you think you might like, and take them with you. A good, easy-to-maintain, becoming haircut can make a huge difference.
See an endocrinologist about the facial hair issue. In younger women, it can be associated with polycystic ovarian disease, which is benign, but which has some unfortunate side effects. It can be treated. Electrolysis is also effective. Once this is addressed, see about learning to apply becoming make-up.
Get in shape. Join the Y - you are likely to meet pleasant people there as a bonus. Try swimming or spinning - both allow you to be as social or private as you like, but will help you stay fit, plus the endorphins they create will lift your mood.
Fashion: classics in becoming colors are more cost-effective than the very latest trends. You can add fashionable accessories to look up-to-date at a much lower cost. See if your local department stores offer free make-up lessons or can help you get your colors done - my lady friends swear by this. I think there is also an older book about colors that divides people into "seasons" - certain colors look best on "winters", for example.
And, how about planning a trip to France for 2017? Use the intervening time to learn about France (travel books and DVDs are free at the public library) and to learn conversational French - try Rosetta Stone. If this would be your first visit, consider a small group tour, perhaps with a special focus: gardens,cathedrals, art, chateaus, cookery, etc. You could even build your wardrobe with the trip in mind. Navy with red and white accents is universally becoming - and patriotic for both the US and France as well. Look for mix and match items to stretch your travel wardrobe, along with things that will work for you professionally as well.
I think you will find that once you achieve some of the goals on your list, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and have more self-assurance, so that you will feel empowered to continue to make your dreams realities.
and here's what happens when we coddle kids wayyyyyy too much,,,
buck up buttercup,,,set some goals,,,for christs sakes.......
if your self esteem is dependent on what or how others perceive you.... you are in for a hard road..
set YOUR own short and long term goals and work towards them..
motivation. like beauty comes from within... and. others will view you as you view yourself,,,, if you are fake ..put on heirs,,,then people wll treat you as such..
you don't live in a cartoon or reality show,,,time to mature
Wow! Having a bad day? OP is taking this issue seriously and came out here for suggestions, support and ideas....he didn't need to be kicked while he was already down.
Dear one have you joined an ASD support group? You may find it comforting to be with people with the same diagnosis. It is difficult to relate when you are considered different, especially in your age group. I have a wonderful on line relationship with a person that has Asperger's here on City Data but that does not mean we would have an easy time relating in person. I confess that I don't know enough about it and how to make her comfortable in person. Nor would I be any good with dealing with AA and alcoholics. We all have our short comings but the key is finding like minded people who we can relate to. We can't be all to everyone. That is an unrealistic goal and best left to day dreams. I think the best way to learn, and make friends is through the eyes of someone who understands you. Finding those people can be difficult, but not impossible. Hugs to you and good luck.
i can relate to never having any guidance on taking care of myself. you'd think a mom with two daughters would have managed to do that right.thank goodness for friends.
You are identical to my son. He is in his first year of college. He still makes the same comments, "I still can't relate. I mean, these kids in college like shows that I find stupid. I thought it would change from high school."
His skills are in video editing (isolation) and he wants to change schools to find more video and film classes. He is not sports minded, but runs the live feeds for sports in college- his job.
He has always had trouble "fitting in" with the it crowd. He DESPERATELY wants to be in the IN crowd, but that's just not him.
I had some of the same deal...but was athletic and involved in sports all year. It's tough and I worry. He's very bright, but has that immature side of getting his **** done and being responsible. My wife says, "He's fine and a good person." True, but our society does not care about being nice and smart. You need grit and sometimes he can shut down and get depressed.
I feel ya. Even I look at FB posts of friends and think, "They look so happy and are out and about with a group." I've learned at 46, it's not who I am. I like playing punk rock on drums and guitar by myself. I get nervous at social gatherings. I mean, after saying hello and making small talk, what's left? When I leave, I feel more relaxed. I've learned that you won't change that much.
As much as you see others having "fun" it does not mean you really want that. I used to think the same way. I am great at what I do and am VERY social at work. I rarely have "friends" over and go out. It's just not important to me.
I hope this helps a little. You can't force relationships. My son has done this and it never works.
If you really want to get there, join a group of some kind. Bowling league? Church? See how it goes. Take time and evaluate the dynamics of the group. Don't just show up and try to be the fun guy. Does not work.
My son freaked at comments made by his professor on a paper. He made it sound like it was hatred directed at him. I read the comments and told him, "Dude, he's sticking to the paper. There is nothing personal. You did not meet points in the essay. He's pushing you to be more creative. That's all."
Like you, he will make it sound terrible when it's just someone communicating an issue.
I have read your posts for years now! You always ignore my advice, because it's not what you want to hear. Unfortunately, I am telling you the unvarnished truth. What the heck do comedians and playwrights have to do with being one of the "cool kids"??? Are you going to be a comedian or playwright? I lived with a stand-up comic for a few years - I didn't see anything about his life that was anymore "cool" than anyone else's. And for the one millionth time, I am telling you that when you are a teacher the LAST thing you should worry about is whether or not your students think you are "cool."
Oh...well, I do agree with you on that one, but I did at least put "cool kids" in quotation marks. I don't really care if my students think I'm cool or not. I want to think I'm cool, and if I could master edutainment, that would be really helpful.
My son freaked at comments made by his professor on a paper. He made it sound like it was hatred directed at him. I read the comments and told him, "Dude, he's sticking to the paper. There is nothing personal. You did not meet points in the essay. He's pushing you to be more creative. That's all."
Like you, he will make it sound terrible when it's just someone communicating an issue.
It sounds like your son and I do have a lot in common. I went through that stage after high school, but I was pleasantly surprised when I got the support of a few of my professors; I guess they figured I had a hard life before college, and they just wanted me to succeed. That, of course, motivated me to stay in. At first, I really didn't even think I was college material. (I think at another college that probably would have been true, but my professors really worked with me and cared about my success.) I was also super shy. My French teacher called me out in front of the class to demonstrate something; I didn't understand her and got really embarrassed. Instead of handling it like a mature adult, I dropped the class. College definitely attempted to pull me out of my comfort zone. I had to put up with people from different cultures, sexual orientations, religious backgrounds, etc. as roommates. We didn't always get along, unfortunately, but at least we tolerated each other. Looking back, I kind of wish I would have become close friends with the Arabians; they recommended taking a teaching job in the Middle East. I, of course, was too freaked out to do so, but had I had a good friend living in the area, that might have been enough to overcome my fears.
I don't know if this happens to everyone, though, but my fears tend to pull back. If I leave the fun relaxed situation and go back to a situation of isolation and boredom, my brain tells me that that is the norm and the other stuff is scary and dangerous, and my brain's hang-ups can be extremely difficult to override. For example, since I've been going to a church that doesn't believe in listening to non-Christian music, I've been getting nervous about hearing non-Christian music. It doesn't make sense, but that's how sensitive I am to everything, and at times it threatens to drive me crazy. At times, I will need to leave a situation because my brain tells me it's scary or wrong, and I can't explain that to the person or people I'm with. It really (I mean REALLY) gets in the way of meeting new people.
The OP clearly states she wants to BE a French girl (not get one), but she's a woman from AL (not a man, as several posters seem to think).
and this is the thing that bothers me the most...
if you are not already a French person there is no way to become a French person
Also, it is concerning that a 30 year old adult is like this....I think people are getting older but less mature, these days
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I leave, I feel more relaxed. I've learned that you won't change that much. 
