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Anyone else have had a hard time or has tips on ways of getting over past lovers or relationships? For whatever reason, I have a hard time moving on and probably spend way too much time trying to analyze what went wrong or if i should give it another chance?
For instance my last relationship that last several months ended almost a year ago. I tried dating different women but none i had the same connection to or things in common with. My mind goes back to the good times we had... I recognize this is not thinking clearly since i'm only choosing to see the good and not the negatives of the relationship like lack of communication etc.
Anyone else have had a hard time or has tips on ways of getting over past lovers or relationships? For whatever reason, I have a hard time moving on and probably spend way too much time trying to analyze what went wrong or if i should give it another chance?
For instance my last relationship that last several months ended almost a year ago. I tried dating different women but none i had the same connection to or things in common with. My mind goes back to the good times we had... I recognize this is not thinking clearly since i'm only choosing to see the good and not the negatives of the relationship like lack of communication etc.
You're on the right track being realistic about the previous relationship, and knowing you spend too much time over analyzing it.
As far as dating other women; perhaps you'd enjoy it more if you didn't compare them to your ex. And dating doesn't have to be a springboard to a new relationship, it can just be having fun getting out and about and sharing it with someone.
Everyone is different as far as the amount of time it takes to move on completely.
You're wondering if you should give it another chance. . . only you know the reasons for the break up and who initiated it. Sometimes people can reconnect, sometimes not. And if it didn't, you'd have to start the emotional healing process all over again - and do you really want to take that chance?
Getting over someone takes a long time so hang in there. Force yourself to go out on dates & socialize without putting any pressure on yourself to impress them. Just relax & have a good time. You can explore some creative hobbies as well. It is always a good distraction & helps you heal quicker. Spend some time volunteering for the less fortunate because it will make you appreciate all your blessings. Travel to new places & meet new people. Let your thoughts flow in whatever direction they want to & don't force yourself to get over the past asap. Self-reflection & analyzing your behavior is a good way to find your own faults & fix them. Look at your past relationships like the jobs you did at the start of your career just to survive & how they helped you train for your dream job. I am sure you must have learnt something productive from your past so the experience will come in handy when you find your true love. Some people come into our lives to teach us important lessons & when their work is done, they are gone. So don't hate them for leaving you. Learn from them & move on to the next phase.
You're on the right track being realistic about the previous relationship, and knowing you spend too much time over analyzing it.
As far as dating other women; perhaps you'd enjoy it more if you didn't compare them to your ex. And dating doesn't have to be a springboard to a new relationship, it can just be having fun getting out and about and sharing it with someone.
Everyone is different as far as the amount of time it takes to move on completely.
You're wondering if you should give it another chance. . . only you know the reasons for the break up and who initiated it. Sometimes people can reconnect, sometimes not. And if it didn't, you'd have to start the emotional healing process all over again - and do you really want to take that chance?
yeah i mean i think that was partially the issue with this last girl. She was an awful communicator and would get mad at me for whatever but never tell me so it just festered. Think she was mad the relationship was slow moving but never communicated that to me until it was done even though both of us were only dating each other, but guess it doesnt matter at this point.
Getting over someone takes a long time so hang in there. Force yourself to go out on dates & socialize without putting any pressure on yourself to impress them. Just relax & have a good time. You can explore some creative hobbies as well. It is always a good distraction & helps you heal quicker. Spend some time volunteering for the less fortunate because it will make you appreciate all your blessings. Travel to new places & meet new people. Let your thoughts flow in whatever direction they want to & don't force yourself to get over the past asap. Self-reflection & analyzing your behavior is a good way to find your own faults & fix them. Look at your past relationships like the jobs you did at the start of your career just to survive & how they helped you train for your dream job. I am sure you must have learnt something productive from your past so the experience will come in handy when you find your true love. Some people come into our lives to teach us important lessons & when their work is done, they are gone. So don't hate them for leaving you. Learn from them & move on to the next phase.
thank you for the advice. I guess i feel the pressure too at 29 being close to 30 that i should be settling down soon, but this is just irrational thinking.
I had done really well for a while of not thinking about her and moving on but i saw her pop up on a dating site and it reignited all these old feelings i had.
I had also gone out with this other girl a couple of times that i really liked only for her to give me an excuse why she couldn't date me anymore which hurt, especially after i thought the dates had gone well.
I don't understand why you would only look for advice for other guys who have the same problem. I'd ask for help from guys who don't have the problem.
Personally, I guess I never had a problem because all the women I've ever known are far from perfect. They're all a mixture of good and bad attributes. Nobodies perfect. Quit fantisizing that she was perfect. Not only that, but she didn't want you. Rejection is normal. People who actually love and care about you, and want to continue the relationship indefinitely are quite rare. Maybe the reality is that you thought you had that from your ex, but you were fooled, either by yourself or by her or a combination of both.
I don't understand why you would only look for advice for other guys who have the same problem. I'd ask for help from guys who don't have the problem.
Personally, I guess I never had a problem because all the women I've ever known are far from perfect. They're all a mixture of good and bad attributes. Nobodies perfect. Quit fantisizing that she was perfect. Not only that, but she didn't want you. Rejection is normal. People who actually love and care about you, and want to continue the relationship indefinitely are quite rare. Maybe the reality is that you thought you had that from your ex, but you were fooled, either by yourself or by her or a combination of both.
What helps me tremendously is making a list. We tend to remember only the good stuff. I had a relationship that was just BAD but when it ended, my memory only wanted to see the few good moments we had, ignoring the months of fighting and pain.
Put down the pros and cons of the last relationship. You'll see there will be lots of negative things that happened and you didn't like. Concentrate on that and not the few good things.
Example
Pro: good looking, stable job, nice parents
con: snored, overly jealous, mean, bad with money ...
1. Think of the 'bad' things about them...don't linger on the great stuff at this point.
2. Fill the void with another love interest
3. Find out what EFT is and do it a few times during the day
4. And this is the fastest...go to Whole Foods and for $10 get Motherwort...a tincture.
Do a dropper 2 xs a day for 3 days....but your heart
will be mended much sooner than that!
It's sad that your last relationship has been out of your life longer then it was in your life, yet you still mourn the loss. You must have been in love with her? When John and I were having problems we went through several months of marriage counseling and I found out something about myself that I thought existed in everyone. There is something in my personality that allows me to feel things way deeper then the average person. The plus side of that is that I feel greater joy and get more out of life because of this ability. The down side is that it also allows me to feel pain to the core of my being. (No I'm not bipolar!) I was labeled gifted by the therapist and I tend to think that everyone should feel the same things as I do because it was just normal to me and I thought of myself as average. You may fall into that category as well where you feel things to the core of your being and that kind of pain takes forever to leave. I'm going through something similar with someone who was only a friend for a few of months, yet the pain of the loss is still very real. It's been nearly a year since the friendship ended. It's important how you deal with it. I feel the pain, I think about how this needs to stop, and then I go on and find something positive and fun to feel that joy that is so much better instead. These things run their course on their own time line and you have to train yourself to appreciate these feelings and emotions for what they are. Temporary.
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