Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I completely understand what you're saying and agree. My last bf had anger issues, and I used to say similar things to him. It was like if there was negativity coming off a person, my ex absorbed it like a sponge rather than being able to repel it (ideally like water off a duck's back). There will always be toxic people and there is no way to avoid them totally. it is up to each of us to be able to be in a room with toxic people and NOT let them get to us.
I used to tell me ex I did not feel secure and safe with him because his emotions were not under his own control, but depended on external circumstances and were dependent on the behavior of others. As long as that is true, you cannot have real control over your own life.
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Deeply rooted 'beliefs' are not easily overcome; (unless one experiences a insight/epiphany, but those are few and far between).
A long time ago, the consensus was that the earth was flat; even though in fact it was round but not recognized at the time. Then later, it was believed that the earth was the centre of our solar system, even though in fact it's the sun that is the center. (It 'still appears' to us that the sun revolves around the earth instead of vice versa. We still say'the sun rises and sets'
You say your exes emotions are 'dependent on external circumstances and dependent on the behavior of others.' quote; "As long as that is true, you cannot have real control over your own life: unquote.
I don't believe that is true.
I tried to clarify the 'toxic' people belief. Do they give off toxicity like body odor? Some people are allergic to some 'people toxins' and 'situation toxins'; (and some are not?)
I'm introducing a new paradigm, but old ones take generations to over come.
Like I pointed out; we still say 'sun rise and sunset',
some beliefs/habits are difficult to change if your not aware of them.
(Still saying sun rise and sun set, when we 'know' is an example of not practising what we 'know', behaving differently from what we know.)
ItsRick24; you say "toxic" people/situations/circumstances evoke your anger; is toxicity like puppeteer strings going to a the puppet, by which the puppeteer controls the puppet? Your emotions are externally evoked?
Do you see yourself as a 'emotional puppet'? What if your 'strings' are illusory/imagined?
Do you feel toxicity from/that's outside or do you feel your thoughts that are inside?
JST 101 – What
Had a meltdown ?
What if you were feeling your thoughts?
'Think' about a time you felt very sad; if you start feeling sad, your experiencing your current thought.
( If your alone at home, and you think about the events that (you believe) caused your meltdown; how can they evoke feelings while your alone? This time it's your thoughts evoking your emotions, maybe it was your thoughts that evoke emotions even when your experiencing the events firsthand.)
In the 1950s, Albert Ellis came up with his A-B-C model of emotions:
A - Events
B - Beliefs
C - Emotions
Most people 'still' do not subscribe to his model, but to the A - C model. OP is an example. The A -C model is in vogue. Going from A to C in one leap, WITHOUT RECOGNIZING B.
Then there's the B - C model. An example of B - C model is the rope/snake phenomena.
One can 'look' at a piece of rope, but 'see' a snake. (the snake is B, a memory thought or a "thought-created perception") That is reacted to, to produce/evoke the emotion at C. Let's look at the 'bogyman fear', there is NO creature in the environment, only a "thought-created perception"; that is, there is no A in that case, only B, B is what causes/evokes C, the emotion. The A - C and B - C models are incomplete.
Then there's the "phantom limb pain". A person, with a leg amputated at the knee complains about pain in the foot of the missing leg. How is that possible? They still have the image of the missing foot. If a person can react to their image of 'snake' why can't a person react to their image of the 'missing foot'? (Both of those are the B - C model).
(If you still subscribe to the A -C model; this post will not make any sense to you;
)
(If your foot hurts and you go to the doctor, who takes x-rays or MRI and reports NO structural damage to be seen on the x-rays, what can still cause pain?)
Is there common denominator for meltdowns and other lessor painful emotions?
All of us experience them; some more than others. (Even Jesus got angry at the money changers in the temple).
Yes, there is a common denominator: Unrecognized 'thought-created ' perceptions.
Consider this: A bully,(or someone else), makes a inane/derogatory remake about you;( example; "your no good"), and you feel hurt. In another context, at another time, you yourself 'think', "I'm no good", and you feel hurt. In both cases, "language/thought' was the common factor.
(I explained how that 'works' in other threads; ask questions if you missed or did not understand some point in my other threads.)
"Placebo subjects" do NOT recognize that their own thoughts caused the relief they experience.
Unrecognized 'thought-created' perceptions cause emotions, even when you DON'T recognize that is so.
quote; "We have met the enemy, and they are us". - Pogo said.
The 'ability to think' is unwittingly being used against us instead of for us; (by us). Paradigm shift is urgent.
We 'see' the ubiquitous problems being escalated because we don't recognize the cause.
Perception and Knowing mismatch and vice versa equals fallibility.
Not recognizing "thought-created perceptions" compounds the problems exponentially; as attested by the current human condition, putting survival at risk.
(example of 'knowing and perception mismatch' : we still say sunrise and sunset, because that's what we 'perceive', but we 'know' that's not what is going on, we 'know' it's the earth rotating that causes us to 'see' that illusion, but we perpetuate the illusion and give it credence by saying 'sunrise' and 'sunset' even though that's not the case.)
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