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People with a bipolar diagnosis can be a challenge. Sounds like your father is only recently back on meds and that might be court ordered so who knows how long it will last.
Maybe your sister doesn't want to deal with his bipolar nonsense on her wedding day.
Maybe he assaulted her or ??? and she doesn't want to tell you about it.
Maybe she just doesn't feel like his behavior warrants walking her down the aisle. Our neighbor's father was a horse's rear end. She had her mother walk her down the aisle. Said her mother was the one who had raised her and she was the one she was leaving.
Some women don't feel they are property to be given away and walk themselves down the aisle.
Some dance down the aisle with their bridesmaids.
Who gives a damn? She's your sister and it's her wedding. Grow a pair and show up to celebrate.
If you really want to help your poor old dad out, stick with him and keep him from making a fool of himself. Would be a shame if he were thrown out the reception.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 12-31-2015 at 09:23 AM..
The notion that you should put up with any sort of nonsense from people because they have a mental illness is ridiculous.
Many people with a bipolar diagnosis don't take their meds because they don't like the way it dampens their mood. They see nothing wrong with their manic behavior and often view these periods in a completely different light than those who have to put up with them.
Many people with mental illnesses can and do control their behavior. Often it is because these around them insist upon it.
People with a bipolar diagnosis can be a challenge. Sounds like your father is only recently back on meds and that might be court ordered so who knows how long it will last.
Maybe your sister doesn't want to deal with his bipolar nonsense on her wedding day.
Maybe he assaulted her or ??? and she doesn't want to tell you about it.
Maybe she just doesn't feel like his behavior warrants walking her down the aisle. Our neighbor's father was a horse's rear end. She had her mother walk her down the aisle. Said her mother was the one who had raised her and she was the one she was leaving.
Some women don't feel they are property to be given away and walk themselves down the aisle.
Some dance down the aisle with their bridesmaids.
Who gives a damn? She's your sister and it's her wedding. Grow a pair and show up to celebrate.
If you really want to help your poor old dad out, stick with him and keep him from making a fool of himself. Would be a shame if he were thrown out the reception.
She is planning to invite him to the wedding assuming he is not having a manic spell.
He has never assaulted her. I would have known about that. Dad has never been violent even when manic.
This is / potentially her consequence for his actions of the past.
There is something meaningful about walking your daughter down the aisle. I assume you might be a woman?
The notion that you should put up with any sort of nonsense from people because they have a mental illness is ridiculous.
Many people with a bipolar diagnosis don't take their meds because they don't like the way it dampens their mood. They see nothing wrong with their manic behavior and often view these periods in a completely different light than those who have to put up with them.
Many people with mental illnesses can and do control their behavior. Often it is because these around them insist upon it.
I never said put up with nonsense. When he is in a manic stage we distance ourselves from him and take precautions.
While yes, many people can control it but like you said with the help of people around them. None of his family is around him but one sister. No wife, no kids, no other siblings, no parents, no friends, etc.
The issue is his illness can cause him not to think right even when he isnt on a manic episode. While he doesnt deserve a free pass, one also must take into consideration his illness.
Well, sorry you feel that way. Im sure thats been you a time or two in the past.
Thats life.
Your detachment is a very common and obvious result of having a bipolar parent.
It's a coping mechanism. You probably think you are quite methodical and measured in your decisions, when in reality you are numb to how your behavior affects others. You call it "principles," but really it's turning a blind eye.
It's how kids with an unstable parent subconsciously protect themselves from their parent's instability.
I do hope you seek help for this. It's not a healthy way to live.
Sorry, but you are out of line. This is your SISTER'S wedding, and you don't get to dictate what she can and cannot do at her own wedding. You may have been able to accept your father's behaviors and move on, but obviously she wasn't able to. Everyone experiences family issues in different ways, and it obviously cut deep for your sister. She may eventually learn to forgive your father, or she may not -- but that forgiveness shouldn't be front and center during her wedding, imposed by her brother.
You certainly have a choice -- support your sister as she makes her marriage vows, or to sit home and sulk because the way she chose to organize her wedding didn't sit well with you. That's YOUR choice. Personally, I think you would be making a mistake by not going -- is this really the hill you want to die on? But it's not my sister, it's not my dad, and it's not my problem. I think you are making this more of a problem than you ought to. This is your sister's decision, NOT YOURS. You don't have to apologize to your dad for anything your adult sister chooses to do. Witnessing your sister's wedding has nothing to do with your relationship with your father OR your sister. It's not "betraying" your father for you to attend your sister's wedding. But it would be betraying your sister if you chose not to attend because you think she should add the stress of having her father at the wedding to an already stressful and emotional time.
There is something meaningful about walking your daughter down the aisle. I assume you might be a woman?
I'm a woman. And yes, there was something meaningful about having my father walk me down the aisle when I was married. However, I had a very close and loving relationship with my father -- he never abandoned his family due to failure to manage his mental illness and he certainly didn't leave me and my mother to pick up the pieces and create a new life while at the same time taking out false charges against my mother. Nor was he constantly in and out of jail.
You were away at college, so perhaps you missed the full effect of the results of his actions on your mom and your sister.
Dads don't get a free pass to walk their daughter down the aisle when they haven't contributed to their daughter's physical, emotional and spiritual well-being as she was growing up. If anything, her father has been a constant source of stress and unhappiness. He "gave his daughter away" a long time ago when he chose not to take his meds and destroyed his family. In fact, he threw EVERYTHING away. I'm glad he's doing better -- but no, he hasn't earned a do-over.
The notion that you should put up with any sort of nonsense from people because they have a mental illness is ridiculous.
Many people with a bipolar diagnosis don't take their meds because they don't like the way it dampens their mood. They see nothing wrong with their manic behavior and often view these periods in a completely different light than those who have to put up with them.
Many people with mental illnesses can and do control their behavior. Often it is because these around them insist upon it.
Sometimes the meds will be working well enough that they'll decide they're cured and don't need the meds anymore, too. My BIL does that and he'll go through stages where my sister has to watch him actually swallow the meds. I've known him long enough that I can tell when he's off his meds, generally because he'll start consuming large quantities of energy drinks and alcohol and flirting with women online.
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Sometimes the meds will be working well enough that they'll decide they're cured and don't need the meds anymore, too. My BIL does that and he'll go through stages where my sister has to watch him actually swallow the meds. I've known him long enough that I can tell when he's off his meds, generally because he'll start consuming large quantities of energy drinks and alcohol and flirting with women online.
