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Since I'm usually in my head I don't think I realize how people see me. I always think it's fine to be quiet but I think it comes off as me not caring. That's what a professor just told me because I never participate in class. I participate in small groups but it's a bad habit of mine to not speak in class. I am used to having the teacher talk the entire time and just sit back and listen.
I think back to times when other people are more quiet than me (because this doesn't happen often). There's this girl in group therapy who never says a word. The leaders have to ask her every session if everything is ok. I always wish I could hear from her. I think people have said that about me too, that they wish they could hear from me more.
I've been trying to figure out why I never participate in class or meetings at work. I thought it was fear or shyness but I can talk to people one on one just fine. I have gotten up on stage before to act and do stand up comedy and sing. So thinking those are the causes won't help me. I have concluded that it must be out of bad habit. I'm trying to break this habit because I find that when I don't participate I seem unable to pay attention as much since I am less engaged. Any suggestions on how I can do this? I'm going to aim to say something at least once every class but before I can, I usually freeze up or think someone else is going to say it or think it won't matter. I usually get blocked. I'm thinking of trying toastmasters too.
It's called introversion 101. Go look up the definition if you need to. One of the traits is the they tend to fell more comfortable and more talkative in smaller groups.
Don't change too much, this world is full of blow hard over-talkers, we could use a few more people that can shut what they call the hell up once in an while.
No, you don't get it. People want to hear from me. They get mad when I don't talk enough, saying they have to do more of the work. I guess people actually think I have smart things to say.
As a quiet person, I could honestly care less what strangers thought of me. I am not hurting anyone by being myself and I will usually talk when the situation is very serious, like when I am at work, presenting something during class, or when a person speaks to me. If a person had a problem with me because I don't talk much well that's their issue not mine.
Last edited by 49ersfan27; 04-13-2016 at 01:49 PM..
I learned at my 10th year high school reunion: "You're so friendly now! You used to be so aloof!"
Even now I have to be careful to spread more of my less-developed thoughts around like other people and not hold them privately until they're fully formed. I've had supervisors tell me that people sometimes find me difficult to "read" because I keep my thoughts to myself but that when I do contribute, it's always worthwhile.
Yet, my subordinates have always liked and respected me because it's never been a matter of not caring, just perhaps over editing my comments.
In "general" most outgoing or extroverted personalities will see quiet or introverted just as uncomfortable as introverts will see being loud or forthright and place their own insecurities on to each others traits to make up how they feel about the opposite way of being.
IE: silence is an insecurity zone for extrovertedness. Without something stimulating happening to sooth it's creating a very uncomfortable space to reside within.
Likewise, the opposite is true to introverted natures.
I am introverted by nature. I have had to learn when to subject myself or just allow myself to be who I really am. I do this by focusing on end goals and not so heavily on moments.
In your case it would be to forego allowing myself to worry or think about my next words and focus on putting myself out their becuase I know allowing myself to participate in something will ultimatly make me feel great come the end of it. The experience will be rewarding even if their are indivual moments of anxiety getting myself to the end.
Doing this enough makes most of the anxiety marginalized. It won't go away completely, by nature I am just who I am...but by allowing myself the freedom to put myself out their and take the focus away from being so moment to moment and shifting thought over to an overall experience, it helps me personally quite a bit.
Last edited by rego00123; 04-13-2016 at 02:00 PM..
No, you don't get it. People want to hear from me. They get mad when I don't talk enough, saying they have to do more of the work. I guess people actually think I have smart things to say.
If you question is more related to group or class required participation, than that's a whole different subject, Your OP seemed to be a bit of both. In class you have to participate, if requiredn in life, you don't necessarily have to be an overly talkative person.
Better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. well known quote someone said once.
I think our mouths tend to get us into trouble more than get us out of it.
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well known quote someone said once.
