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There's also an enormous paradigm shift when you lose your parents and realize that you are now patriarch/matriarch. It's a rudderless feeling that can take a long time to reconcile.
I agree with this. I lost my mother and mother-in-law last year. I believe this is one of those life changes that sneaks up on you for which you are not prepared. Everyone knows that marriage and children are pivotal life changes, but it is a strange feeling when there are few loved ones in a generation above you. I have always maintained a landline phone for frequent conversations with my parents, mother-in-law, aunts and uncles. I told my husband how sad it is that I rarely use it anymore as many of them have passed away. I have gotten used to there not being any messages on my machine, and soon will probably get rid of it altogether.
I agree with this. I lost my mother and mother-in-law last year. I believe this is one of those life changes that sneaks up on you for which you are not prepared. Everyone knows that marriage and children are pivotal life changes, but it is a strange feeling when there are few loved ones in a generation above you. I have always maintained a landline phone for frequent conversations with my parents, mother-in-law, aunts and uncles. I told my husband how sad it is that I rarely use it anymore as many of them have passed away. I have gotten used to there not being any messages on my machine, and soon will probably get rid of it altogether.
I have a friend whose husband said that his father's passing was like recognizing that the light at the end of the tunnel was a train and that it was coming for him, too.
Some of the milestones that come along later in life (you younger folks might think you understand these, but unless you've dealt with them in a deep, personal, existential way -- you don't):
* The day when you realize that you've lived more years than you have left
* The day you realize your salad days are behind you and from now on, you're in cruise mode
* The day you realize you'll never be a parent, or marry again, and may very well die alone
* The day you realize you'll never succeed at doing something you've always wanted
* The day you realize everyone else who had a shared memory is gone; you carry it alone
* The day you are told you have disease X, and mortality comes up behind you and kicks you in the head
The struggle for the older adult is to look back at life's accomplishments and feel fulfilled, rather than sinking into regret and despair over what hasn't been accomplished. Some make it on this path to wisdom, others don't; my mother spent her last years in bitterness and resentment, and I refuse to follow in her footsteps.
The problem I have with all these lists that ask for the "biggest" or "best" of something is -- these are all highly subjective. For me, graduating from college was not a big deal; I didn't go to my graduation and picked up my degree later. For others, it's a huge deal.
I don't have kids yet, so for me I would say my biggest transition was life after getting a divorce at 26. I think because it was unexpected. I expected to graduate high school and college, get a first job, get married, but not to get divorced. Our relationship was never very happy and the further away I got from it the more I realized how unhappy I had really been and how unhappy my life would have turned out if we had stayed together. After that, I moved to a new city, dated, moved again. I really came into myself, so it was a sad transition that turned into the happiest.
I dislike people like you who read a post and then assume all kinds of things about the poster. You must be the best parent on earth and have wonderful children.
When your children cause you pain with their poor choices (which have nothing to do with parenting skills) then yes, they can be a disappointment.
And how about staying on topic instead of bashing people for their opinions? Okay?
To date, my biggest transition has been leaving a strict religious cult. I had every expectation that my family and friends would disown me and I'd have to start over. It was very scary.
The second biggest transition (again, so far) has been my parents' divorce. It's been over 10 years and I still have a stuck feeling in my soul that I can't move past. I think largely due to the fact that there has been no real discussion of it in my family.
Parenthood. Once you're a parent your entire life changes forever. No do-overs. No changing your mind, no getting out of your responsibilities for the rest of your life. Unless you give the child up for adoption and even then...you're impacted.
Everything else on the list is negotiable and temporary.
I would also say becoming a drug addict. Once you put that needle in your arm, you're never the same person. Even in sobriety.
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