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I'm afraid I am really, really terrible at making decisions. Indecisive doesn't even begin to describe it. In most instances, I either flip-flop back and forth, aggravating everyone involved, or do nothing and end up the proverbial squashed squirrel in the middle of the road (not deciding is also a decision). If I attempt a pro/con list, I can come up with just as many pros and cons. Only after the fact do I see clearly what I SHOULD have done. When I do make a decision, it usually turns out to be the wrong decision, which makes me even more reluctant to make decisions in the future. At present, I'm nearing retirement and need to make my future plans, but I'm finding myself with analysis paralysis, as usual. Granted, no one can tell me what to decide on, but how can I learn HOW to decide? And, since it's the psychology forum, what causes this?
I'm afraid I am really, really terrible at making decisions. Indecisive doesn't even begin to describe it. In most instances, I either flip-flop back and forth, aggravating everyone involved, or do nothing and end up the proverbial squashed squirrel in the middle of the road (not deciding is also a decision). If I attempt a pro/con list, I can come up with just as many pros and cons. Only after the fact do I see clearly what I SHOULD have done. When I do make a decision, it usually turns out to be the wrong decision, which makes me even more reluctant to make decisions in the future. At present, I'm nearing retirement and need to make my future plans, but I'm finding myself with analysis paralysis, as usual. Granted, no one can tell me what to decide on, but how can I learn HOW to decide? And, since it's the psychology forum, what causes this?
Well, you made it this far. So obviously you had to make some decisions and some right ones too.
But even wrong decisions aren't necessarily wrong. And sometimes things are just subjective.
It's interesting that you say you can come up with as many pros as you can cons... so why couldn't you apply that logic to the justification to your decision?
Meaning, if you made a choice regardless of whether it was good or not you can justify it. And that's what a lot of people do.
However I would need some more specific examples of how you think your decide.
For example, which would you choose?
1. An investment that would let you retire at age 65 at 80% of your income with little to no risk.
2. An investment that would let you retire at age 60 at 120% of your income with very high risk.
I would say I've made it through life - in some ways, very successfully - but I tend to "think" with my head rather than my heart and therefore have some regrets on that front. I'm also very risk-averse, so I would choose the first option. I can always think of as many "cons as pros," as well as "pros as cons"; either way, I end up with equal numbers. Bottom line, I can see both sides of every issue. Am also really bad at lying to myself, so I can't just be happy with whatever I decide. It has to be the "perfect" decision, and I do a great deal of looking back and second guessing if it isn't. On the other hand, I tend to get "tunnel vision" once I THINK I've reached the right decision and will continue hell-bent on that course, not realizing until it's too late that it wasn't necessarily the wisest one. I'm also an INTJ female.
I've saved up a decent nest egg through hard work and sacrifice and am now trying to decide how best to allocate it in retirement. Obviously, a lot is weighing on this decision, and the choice of "anything anywhere" is a lot to choose from. I'm realizing I'm ill-equipped for that task.
Last edited by otterhere; 06-30-2016 at 04:25 PM..
I'm afraid I am really, really terrible at making decisions. Indecisive doesn't even begin to describe it. In most instances, I either flip-flop back and forth, aggravating everyone involved, or do nothing and end up the proverbial squashed squirrel in the middle of the road (not deciding is also a decision). If I attempt a pro/con list, I can come up with just as many pros and cons. Only after the fact do I see clearly what I SHOULD have done. When I do make a decision, it usually turns out to be the wrong decision, which makes me even more reluctant to make decisions in the future. At present, I'm nearing retirement and need to make my future plans, but I'm finding myself with analysis paralysis, as usual. Granted, no one can tell me what to decide on, but how can I learn HOW to decide? And, since it's the psychology forum, what causes this?
I would say I've made it through life - in some ways, very successfully - but I tend to "think" with my head rather than my heart and therefore have some regrets on that front. I'm also very risk-averse, so I would choose the first option. I can always think of as many "cons as pros," as well as "pros as cons"; either way, I end up with equal numbers. Bottom line, I can see both sides of every issue. Am also really bad at lying to myself, so I can't just be happy with whatever I decide. It has to be the "perfect" decision, and I do a great deal of looking back and second guessing if it isn't. On the other hand, I tend to get "tunnel vision" once I THINK I've reached the right decision and will continue hell-bent on that course, not realizing until it's too late that it wasn't necessarily the wisest one. I'm also an INTJ female.
I've saved up a decent nest egg through hard work and sacrifice and am now trying to decide how best to allocate it in retirement. Obviously, a lot is weighing on this decision, and the choice of "anything anywhere" is a lot to choose from. I'm realizing I'm ill-equipped for that task.
In most things in life there is no completely right or wrong answer. Obviously there are some absolutes, but mostly decisions carry some consequences that you could call bad, no matter what they are.
In this case--deciding how to manage your money--start with the fact that you are risk averse. Use that as your starting point and go from there. Do a hypothetical decision to invest your nest egg safely, and follow where that leads. Then, decide if that is the outcome you want.
My DH spent months before we retired looking at our assets and making decisions. This is a very big decision, and a lot is riding on it. So, I think it is normal to have concerns. Take your time deciding.
If I had a DH (or even SO), he would be helping make the decision, which would be half his, after all. I don't really have anyone to discuss this with, or anyone who can help, I should say. Or maybe I should more accurately say that I've worn all my potential "someones" out with my vacillating. For example, I've actually be "fired" by two realtors, both of whom grew weary of wasting their time when I couldn't make a decision. I've gone so far as to sign contracts and pay for home inspections on properties, only to get cold feet before closing. Which professional should I seek out: a psychologist, life coach, financial advisor, or psychic?
If I had a DH (or even SO), he would be helping make the decision, which would be half his, after all. I don't really have anyone to discuss this with, or anyone who can help, I should say. Or maybe I should more accurately say that I've worn all my potential "someones" out with my vacillating. For example, I've actually be "fired" by two realtors, both of whom grew weary of wasting their time when I couldn't make a decision. I've gone so far as to sign contracts and pay for home inspections on properties, only to get cold feet before closing. Which professional should I seek out: a psychologist, life coach, financial advisor, or psychic?
I don't know, but I wouldn't advise seeing a psychic!
I think I would be in the same boat as you if it were me. Its awful trying to make a huge decision on your own.
What is your goal? Retirement at a certain age with decent income and savings? You have to know what you want before you decide your course of action.
DH talks to people at Charles Schwab from time to time. He has used Schwab for decades now to conduct bussiness. There are no fees (or very small fees) to use their services. But he takes a long time to make a decision. We usually talk big stuff over. I tend to see the big picture, and he tends to see the details, and why my big picture won't work!
I think you need to find a financial adviser that you trust, that doesn't try to make a commission on sales and is impartial. I do not know how to find one of these. Ask everyone you know, and do some research online.
You will pay this person to give you guidance. Don't use him or her unless you feel you can trust them.
If you backed out of buying a house, I'd say you weren't ready or you weren't comfortable doing that.
I do think you need guidance. I hope you can find someone who can help you.
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