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I was diagnosed with ASD as an adult, and I thought it was pretty accurate from my record as a child, but lately I've been actually tuning in and feeling emotion, discerning facial expressions, and generally doing things that Aspies generally do not do well. The thing that I'm finding really annoying is this new found ability to show and feel "empathy" by looking at facial expressions and hearing cries of joy and distress. It just makes me feel really odd, especially when I watch certain happy or sad things. Seeing and hearing people I didn't know cry used to not affect me at all; it was just odd, sometimes funny actually. Now, I feel like crying when I tune in. Yeah, for those of you who aren't familiar with autism, I'm sure this sounds "wonderful," but I can't stand it. It's not that I didn't understand emotions as well; I just didn't express them well. Now, it's like I'm hyper-sensitive. I don't want to be around people because of this. I think it's really odd to "feel" the way other people act like they're feeling just because you hear or see it. I used to just assume most people were acting. I felt safe when I didn't notice. I feel hurt, confused, frustrated, and angry now that I can feel. I almost hate this! It isn't "normal" for me. I want to be numb, because emotional numbness is my normal.
No it is not odd that you feel this way at all. You need som serious counseling, or support. I've learned that the the biggest challenge to find happiness is to embrace change. Do whatever it takes to handle these feelings and try to appreciate them.
I am not autistic though. So I don't speak with experience but have empathy towards your situation. Acceptance is key because there is no going back.
I was diagnosed with ASD as an adult, and I thought it was pretty accurate from my record as a child, but lately I've been actually tuning in and feeling emotion, discerning facial expressions, and generally doing things that Aspies generally do not do well. The thing that I'm finding really annoying is this new found ability to show and feel "empathy" by looking at facial expressions and hearing cries of joy and distress. It just makes me feel really odd, especially when I watch certain happy or sad things. Seeing and hearing people I didn't know cry used to not affect me at all; it was just odd, sometimes funny actually. Now, I feel like crying when I tune in. Yeah, for those of you who aren't familiar with autism, I'm sure this sounds "wonderful," but I can't stand it. It's not that I didn't understand emotions as well; I just didn't express them well. Now, it's like I'm hyper-sensitive. I don't want to be around people because of this. I think it's really odd to "feel" the way other people act like they're feeling just because you hear or see it. I used to just assume most people were acting. I felt safe when I didn't notice. I feel hurt, confused, frustrated, and angry now that I can feel. I almost hate this! It isn't "normal" for me. I want to be numb, because emotional numbness is my normal.
The thing is you should have the capacity to feel great joy and love. Those feelings compensate for the feelings of sadness or grief that you find so difficult.
To feel these things is to be a functional human being. Even though you find the feelings uncomfortable, try to embrace them as part of what almost all of us humans experience.
I think you sound like a more compassionate person now...and that's good!
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